Today’s lesson is from reviewing one of our favourites shows to watch;
Love & Marriage: Huntsville
featuring 3 of our favourite couples to watch on TV:
- Martel and Melody Holt
- Marsau and Latisha Scott AND
- Maurice Scott and Kimmy Grant
These are 3 couples like any other couples in the world
with the only difference being the magnifying glass of the OWN on them. (The Oprah Winfrey’s Network)
In this season, Martel took a big L…
which means Melody took it as well by default because this is a marriage at the end of the day.
Marsau stepped up his family leadership game quite a bit,
while Latisha still seemed to struggle with insecurity even beyond their nuclear family.
Maurice was presented with a new type of challenge associated with fatherhood within the context of stepping carefully and maybe on eggshells.
We are going to break it down.
My name is LOLA
And I am OLA
I am the co-author of the book
GET MY MARRIAGE BACK with my wife LOLA
…which you can download for free at www.GetMyMarriageBack.com
Is Marriage Harder Because They Are On TV?
It is important to note that every one of these couples have had to deal with additional layers of challenges to deal with.
They have had to and will continue to have to deal with and process millions of public opinions about their own life,
with an unfair level of focus on their flaws and shortcomings.
So that’s never easy.
Nonetheless, we’ve extracted a few lessons for those of us
in or looking forward to being in a healthy marriage so that we can avoid as many of these mistakes as possible.
We appreciate them for their vulnerability so that we can all learn from their example.
Hopefully, they will stumble into this video some day and find value in it; we are not holding our breath on that. Although that will be sweet.
So how did we stumble into this show?
1st Season – Love & Marriage: Huntsville
PREVIOUS POST: 5 Signs Your Wife Never Really Loved You
We have been watching the show from the beginning
when the first episode aired in January 2019 which is a little less than a year of our 2nd phase in marriage.
Our 1st phase crashed at the 9 years mark when you asked me for divorce. It took me a year and change to attract you back… right?
What we learned is that everything had to crash all the way down to a place where the marriage was “irretrievably broken” with “no prospects for a reconciliation.”
So we are blessed to be able to come back together.
And we naturally love watching these types of marriage related shows together.
We’ve learned a lot and want to continue to share the lessons.
The 2nd season just wrapped up without a reunion in sight and I am suspecting it’s because of the amount of damages between Martell and Melody’s marriage.
So Martell & Melody Have Been the Stars of this Season in a Negative Way Right?
Unfortunately yes! In fact, they have finalized their divorce at press time.
But it was avoidable knowing well that they are both still fired up with so much passion when they engage each other… although, mostly in a very toxic way.
So Martell seeks Maurice’s advice in this one particular scene and he pointed something important out to him that you just alluded to.
As you know, Maurice has been through divorce already so he has a more accurate context to offer advice from.
In that scene, you saw Martell admit to not wanting a divorce but we’ve seen him play the victim over and over in very childish ways.
Maurice did a really good job explaining the collateral damages that everyone,
especially the kids, is bound to pay for the rest of their lives.
Lesson #1 – Divorce Creates Collateral Damages for Everyone
What was the Best Lesson Moment of the Season?
I do think the best advice came from Marsau when he said to Martell…
“I would be so happy when you guys hit rock bottom.”
“Why do you say that?” Asked Martell.
“You can’t build up until you hit rock bottom and the way you guys are going,
I feel like you keep trying to catch yourselves from hitting and you are not getting it.
You don’t know how strong you are until you hit it and it DON’T kill you.”
I thought there were a lot of insights in that from Marsau.
We went through a similar experience and you did not listen to me (not necessarily literally) until you felt that you have hit a rock bottom.
But guess what.
When I asked you for divorce, that was rock bottom for you as an individual but I also did not come back until I felt a form of rock bottom.
There are many ways to feel rock bottom and it doesn’t have to be a terrible experience like divorce in your own marriage.
It could also come from being a perpetual student of marriage and reading enough stories of rock bottoms that you can feel empathy for.
On our next video, we will elaborate more on what it means to be a perpetual student of marriage and how to use it to build a healthy and joy-filled marriage.
Lesson #2 – To Enjoy Marriage, Be A Perpetual Student of Marriage
How is this Connected to Martell & Melody’s Marriage Crash?
Martell and (to be fair) Melody were not perpetual students of marriage just like most married people in today’s society.
But typical men like Martell need to understand that…
Lesson #3 – In love and war, all is fair.
Men need to pick one of these two.
Do you want to be right and fair or you want to be a respected and trusted husband that your wife consensually submits to?
So the only way they could experience rock bottom which is the best context for building marriage is to experience rock bottom in real life.
It can absolutely be avoided by not keeping scores with each other (which Martell did a good job at) and learning from other people’s rock bottom.
Lesson #4 – Leverage Other People’s Rock Bottom Story
They are in real estate; they should know all about leveraging other people money and resources to build anything worthwhile.
So what is going on in the Marriage of Maurice & Kimmy?
Maurice is a guy who really has good intentions when it comes to helping his adult step son but he needs to learn how to back off a little bit.
Lesson #5 – In Marriage, Good Intentions Are Overrated.
Although Kimmy loves him very much, it seems like she would appreciate him to back off her baby a little… to put it nicely.
She wouldn’t admit that to avoid hurting his feelings of course; but the body language speaks volume and people should learn how to read a little mind…
… at least in between the lines.
Bonus Lesson – In Marriage, You Have to Read Minds a Little
You Think Marsau is Better Than Last Season?
I think so but he could always do better.
The advice he gave Martell was pretty insightful but application can often present as a whole different monster when it comes to marriages.
Lesson #6 – In Marriage, Application & Theory Are Worlds Apart
He is listening quite a lot better to his wife without coming off as controlling and judgemental but I also think he was not tested as much in this season.
Last season, he was tested by the very fact that the wife wanted to step out and be aggressive with her career personally.
He handled that poorly by actively pushing against her when all he needed to do was to be supportive and allow her to explore and exhaust that option.
One thing I know is that people always come back to their center with time.
If she belonged in that world of a career woman, he would find a new center but she would give him so much credit to overcompensate for that.
And if she didn’t belong there, as it seems now, she would come back to her center which is the focus on being a mom and a little extension of that to her podcast which is about being a mom.
But the credit she gives him will feel a lot sweeter.
As men, we really need to practice infinite patience and avoid keeping scores with our ladies in any capacity.
From my experience, whatever you give a woman, she multiplies.
Lesson #7 – In Marriage, Leadership Requires Infinite Patience
Lesson #8 – In Marriage, Avoid Keeping Scores & Lead by Example
Lesson #9 – Whatever you give a woman, she multiplies.
Do You Think Marsau Needs to Back Off His Mother In-Law?
He may claim that this is how their relationship is and we should mind our business but I can see that backfiring from a blind spot later.
Latisha has a lot going on emotionally. She is demonstrating quite a bit of insecurity especially with respect to her needy behavior with Melody.
She seems like the type of person that can weaponize that kind of thing against her own marriage.
The way Marsau relates with his mother-in-law can be later used by Latisha in efforts to support other cases against her own marriage.
Sure it’s family, but he needs to treat his mother-in-law and every woman like a lady always. The banters can still find a place to fit in that.
Lesson #10 – A Man Must Treat Every Woman in His Life Like a Lady.
In Conclusion, What Do You Think About Martell’s Apology on Steve Harvey’s Radio Show?
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel
I think it’s a bad idea.
I am not a fan of premature unsolicited apologies because they can come off as manipulative and a continuity to past bad behavior.
We will cover this in the next video in detail.
Steve Harvey made a case for a public apology since Melody was humiliated publicly but that’s common sense; common sense is a terrible guide to marriage and relationships.
There are underlying emotions and triggers that can come from the weirdest feelings…
so much wisdom is required beyond common sense.
In fact and in most cases, what you are doing is perpetuating the embarrassment that she has been experiencing with the marriage fall-out on public display.
Martell should have taken enough time to work on himself first, find himself, nurture a healthy relationship with the mother of his kids.
Regardless of the divorce, it is in his best interest to treat Melody like a queen for the rest of his life and a need for apology will present in a proper and non-awkward way in due time.
It may not even EVER be necessary.
Lesson #11 – Avoid Tendering Unsolicited Apologies.
We have been through every single one of the emotions displayed in Love and Marriage: Huntsville and we cover our story in detail inside our book GET MY MARRIAGE BACK.
You can download it for free at: www.GetMyMarriageBack.com
Also, you will see an opportunity to book a coaching session with us.