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INFIDELITY: Woman SET HUSBAND ON FIRE for Cheating! (When will MEN learn?)

First of all, this is a stupid question.  

According to Punch News, the man was deleted by his wife who set him ablaze after a conflict.

A family member of the victim said that the woman locked her husband up and set the house on fire over suspicion of an extra-marital affair.

That’s the story and particularly that’s all I need to know about the story.  The part where a whole human life was deleted.

Until… of course… internet trolls started running their mouths carelessly.

By the way… 

A quick shout out to my sister Bridget of Obodo Oyinbo TV where I was allowed to be a guest to discuss my personal observations and opinion of whether Red Pill-ed men are husband material or not.

I didn’t go there as an expert.  I went there as an observer of the red pill community with a personal opinion but also as a man who is blessed with results that many men desire.

To say the least, it was interesting.  Just go ahead and search for “Obodo Oyinbo TV” on YouTube and support her.  She is an extremely generous supporter of our platforms.

Back to this infidelity slash cheating slash human deletion story.  Crazy right?

I personally heard a significant number of women saying he deserved to be roasted  because he cheated on his lady. 

Can you imagine a person who talks like this creating any good romantic experience for themselves and others in this life?

Answer me in the comment area below….

Some men said women should prepare for the fact that all men will cheat.  Is that the solution to preventing these types of stories between lovers?

What exactly is the solution here without pretending that we don’t know that these people were once romantic lovers?

Most people having these conversations online continue to talk from their ass because they never acknowledge that these are or were romantic relationships where they never planned to end up in a terrible predicament.

They also never acknowledge how they could personally relate with these stories.  

I will be forced to wonder if you are a coward even if you are right that the internet is not a safe space to speak your mind.

What is it about infidelity and cheating that will make you say stupid things that doesn’t serve you or anyone listening?

To be clear again, that question “When will men learn?” is a stupid question.

Any question designed to ignite the epidemic of the digital gender war with or without good intentions and from men or women is a stupid question.

Gentlemen, endless subtle competition with women will always put you at a disadvantage.

Arguing with women with respect to romantic matters puts you below women; not equal but below.

I understand the over-reactive rhetoric against fake feminism a.k.a toxicity, but just like in a real life relationship, over-reaction are actions you are responsible for.

And like I said, it puts you at a disadvantage.

Gentlemen, you are indirectly subscribing to equality in romance, relationships and marriage when you engage endless arguments with women.  

It doesn’t work particularly because it discounts the complimentary strength in romantic relationships significantly.

How do you compliment each other if you are equal?  That already sounds stupid right?

It is true.  Two things can be true at the same time.  But I am looking at this from a place of mindset abundance and/or scarcity.  It’s just a question to ask yourself.

Here is an example of statements that tells me that you as a man will think of yourself as equal to your woman and effectively become a loser that she will potentially dump.  

And I quote…

“If you are going to judge a man based on his gender, you as a woman should expect the same thing from the men.”

Let me guess.  This is accountability right?  False.  

losing respect

This is just a man who talks too damn much.  This is a man who has already lost respect hence the cry out in the wrong direction for help.

I get it… Anyone, including women, could find that statement to be reasonable and harmless.  But it is harmful to your mindset.  

It is even more harmful for a man who talks like this from a place of ignorance, lack of experience and good intentions.

Good intentions are overrated.  

You need wisdom and humility because your lens, filters and outlook on life have dangerous limitations especially when it comes to romantic relationships and marriage.

Oh… it’s even worse if you are listening to Pick-Me women influencers encouraging you to hold your ground as a “MASCULINE STOIC” man.  It’s a set up.  That’s weak.

If you don’t believe me, marry one of them and I’m patient to discuss the outcome.

Masculinity with respect to romance and the human experience is rarely physical.  It’s energy.  Invisible energy for the most part.  And again, it’s not the woman’s responsibility to know that.

Let’s get back to the story.

The question “When will MEN learn?” was designed to leverage this terrible human deletion story to shame men who still believe in the family structure by way of the marriage institution into perpetual fear of women.

The shame is mostly coming from both men and women who have had terrible and traumatic experiences in romantic relationships.  

It’s “misery love company” syndrome at best.

I am sorry.  There are stupid questions.  

The outcome of asking such questions only perpetuates toxic rhetoric for those who may not be necessarily toxic but have real questions about love, relationships, marriage, cheating, infidelity etc.

Why is the question not… 

“When will we as humans learn better ways of navigating romantic relationships that we obviously want, evident by our action not by the product of intellectual diarrhea on social media?

This story is not as relevant to poly or monogamy practice as much as we are making it.  Those are practices by choice and not cowardice.  

It’s also not as relevant to infidelity, cheating or any other obvious bad habits or behavior as they are making it.

Humans have bad behavior.  Where is the surprise?  

Also why did what I just said sound like encouraging bad behavior to you? If that’s you, answer me in the comment area… but more importantly, answer the person in the mirror.

As for this story, that woman committed a capital crime.  What leads to it is irrelevant once we start talking about a matter of life and life deletion.

This woman, sadly like many people walking around, was probably a watermelon mentally… green on the outside and red inside.  

People are carrying a lot of toxic mental weight so you can agree that we should be aware that we can potentially offend the wrong people.  

That does not give anyone the right to delete another person’s life.  It just makes sense to be aware.

For you and I, it’s about knowing that anger is temporary insanity and you can create irreversible damages or at least self-sabotage.  

This is about mental health; not for the criminal (it’s too late for her) but for you and I.

As I was saying earlier, I heard men telling women to prepare for the fact that all men will cheat.

As a man, preparing women to enter marriage with the expectation that a man will cheat puts you at a much bigger disadvantage than just the effect of cheating; your bad behavior.  

Can’t you see?

She may be weak enough to enter that marriage in spite of the warning but she will be on the edge in the marriage… 

What enjoyment do you expect in a marriage where your woman is always on the edge, never feels safe and secure around you?

Instead of worrying about the nature or nurture of cheating and infidelity, you are better off putting that energy in preparing to create a safe space especially emotionally for your wife.

Ladies.. Yes we like to feel safe too.

Would You Tolerate A Cheater?

Would You Tolerate A Cheater?

I know that most people that spend a lot of time on conversations for or against cheating and infidelity are not cheaters; at least not chronic perpetual cheaters.

So at best, you are self sabotaging, talking so much about how you will never accept it or how you plan to tell women that you will cheat.  

By the way, when you tell her up front, that’s no longer considered cheating.

Your mouth will create an emotionally unsafe environment for your future marriage to thrive.

What I found interesting but not surprising during the whole discussion was the fact that no one talked about the emotional, psychological and mental state that could have created the story.

There was no shortage of empathy, sympathy, proclamation of what people will NEVER accept even though there is an obvious lack of experience to accurately assess that.

There was useless advice on what type of man and woman to run away from.  The problem is that these things are not written on the forehead.

A Major Reason Why Marriages Are Failing.

Failing Marriage

Most people entering marriage are not preparing for the inevitable crisis and conflict that will hit every marriage; and single life.

That’s even if you think the solution is to avoid marriage and long term relationships.

If you are going to still have sex, you will end up in the courts and become another traumatic cancer for the society.

By the way, they are conflicts because they often come from blind spots.  

If you say you will never accept a cheater, congrats.  That problem is solved.  The devil, however, knows not to come for you from a cheating standpoint.

Anyway, Instead of the typical nonsense from long-stroking influencers who are just in this to make money, I want to encourage you to prepare to maintain a healthy mental stability for the rest of your life. 

I want you to know that anyone is capable of losing their mind… particularly mentally… and especially people who tend to be obsessed with ideologies, faith, culture, religion with no wisdom around application and relationships.

You cannot control other people.  Stop trying.  You can only control yourself and then subsequently or hopefully influence the results you are looking for in life.

I don’t think a normal person will literally roast another person. I don’t think another human is capable of making another human commit such an act either. 

However we are all influencing ourselves directly and indirectly.  I think she became crazy, lost her mind and committed a capital crime.

For her, everything before the crime doesn’t matter.  She is done in this society.

Learn how to leave a toxic relationship before your tipping point is obvious… leave first… it doesn’t have to be a permanent decision.

If you can’t leave because of fear… that’s obviously a bigger problem; lack of self-respect, self-love, self-esteem, self-confidence.

Stop pouring from an empty cup.

💔 5 Secrets To Staying Together After Cheating Or An Affair

In this  lesson, you will discover 5 secrets to staying together after cheating; a terrible experience created out of a bad choice.

So about 10 months ago, Racheal sent in an email describing the pain she was still going through years after she was cheated on by her husband.

She said she finds it very hard to forget.  She wondered.  

But her husband made the wrong choice, why should she be obligated to make the right choice now? She asked.

There are so many reasons why married people cheat.

According to a study done by Austin Institute, infidelity was found to be a major cause for 37% of divorces in the United states. 

But another survey showed that 16% of marriages survive after a marriage; translation – 16% are staying together after cheating in their marriage. 

Even though Infidelity is not easy to heal from because it causes emotional intense pain, staying together after cheating is possible if you want to do the work.

So we want to share these 5 secrets to staying together after cheating or an affair with you to help you navigate a difficult time.

My name is LOLA and I am the co-author of the book

GET MY MARRIAGE BACK with my husband OLA

…which you can download for free at www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

This is OLA…

Secret #1 of Staying Together After Cheating – Remorse

PREVIOUS POST: Love & Marriage: Huntsville 💔 Season 2 (11 LESSONS from a Married Couple)

Theo claimed he cheated on Abby because she refused him sex a couple of times; this is a terrible way of trying to stay together after cheating.

If you are approaching your efforts to stay together after cheating this way, just like Abby, your spouse will get more angry and potentially leave the marriage.

Pointing fingers in any direction including towards yourself will drive your spouse further away from the marriage .

The cheater needs to show remorse. It really doesn’t matter how it happened.

Though made from a place of weakness, selfishness and not necessarily wickedness, cheating is a choice; a bad choice.

Making a bad choice and being a bad person are 2 different things.

Accountability and acknowledgement will show your spouse that you are not proud of your bad choice and it’s a good sign that you are ready to work on the relationship.

So what if I’ve tried to show remorse, but she keeps bringing it up?

Secret #2 – Patience

So we had the case of Sean and Sade… right?  When he cheated on Sade, he felt really terrible when she found out. 

Sean apologized to her and they decided on staying together after cheating and moving on with their relationship. 

Although Sade claimed to have accepted his apology, she had a hard time with healing properly and it showed everytime Sean wanted some intimacy.

She would cringe and burst out in tears because of mixed feelings of anger, disappointment,embarrassment and anxiety. 

Many times this led to Sean losing his temper out of frustration of mixed messages from  Sade.  

“You claimed you have forgiven me.  So what is the problem?”  Sean yelled.

The cheater needs to learn the art of giving infinite patience. This can only be achieved by giving without expectation.  

In fact, It’s the only way to attract the love of your life back; infinite patience. 

Patience is one thing the older married couples say helped them in building a lifelong healthy relationship and marriage.  

It will help you become a better person in your society and your home. It’s a skill that can be very difficult to acquire on your own.

Inside the book GET MY MARRIAGE BACK, we tell our story and how we were able to come back from a filed divorce stronger; lots of patience was involved.

Download it for free at: www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

You will also see an opportunity to book a coaching session with us.

Secret # 3 of Staying Together After Cheating  – Transparency

So Kelly had a work affair with her boss.  Unfortunately, Ben found out at her office Christmas party… quite an embarrassment right? 

He was really hurt but was also determined to fix their marriage. 

Somehow, Kelly told Ben everything that happened but omitted one piece; how close she had to work with the boss.  This is dangerous.

A cheater who wants to stay together after cheating will have to lose the privilege of some options and privacy in many ways at least temporarily.  

The trade-off with an extra effort on transparency is needed because the partner will need that reassurance to heal… that’s just fair.

Is this easy to do?

Secret # 4- Support System 

TRENDING: What is Infidelity ❤️ Does it Make Marriage a Mistake⁉️

Everything we are sharing here is easier said than done but it is doable with a strong support system.

Gary and Jane went through infidelity a year ago and they decided to stay and work on their marriage. 

After she had forgiven him, one of her friends at the church marriage ministry started putting ideas of how cheaters never change into her head.

She caught anxiety from that and started flipping out on Gary; here goes the whirlwind all over again.

Healing is a process and you need to be aware of the fact that people’s opinion of your marriage can affect you negatively during the process. 

Ever heard of the quote that says “Misery loves company.” 

If you want to leave, leave.  No one should manipulate you to stay just like no one should manipulate you to leave because of their personal experience.

Watch who you surround yourself with but more importantly a support system goes a long way in maintaining through the healing process.

We’ve got one more secret for you but in the next video, we will share how support systems work in helping to stay together after cheating.

So be sure to tickle that thumbs up and the other buttons around this video to ensure that you will get notified.

What else do we need?

Secret #5- Connection

If you are interested in staying together after cheating has occurred in your marriage, you will need a strong existing connection between you and your spouse to leverage because the process of recovering from betrayal is naturally very hard.

And in addition to your existing connection, we suggest that you commit to doing something you are both passionate about together. 

By doing that, you are able to create new memories to replace those terrible ones and with patience, it will result in building a stronger connection. 

Conclusion & The Main Lesson

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

Cheating, though possibly a mistake, is still a choice.  It does not always have to translate to a choice of not staying together after cheating.

There are people’s, and quite often, children’s lives involved in the decision making; it varies from people to people.

The choice to stay together is not always equivalent to justifying cheating; it’s more so about rising above past bad choices and mistakes.

It’s a willful gift of grace when it feels right.

So as long as the victim of the cheating has chosen to stay and not manipulated into that choice, it’s okay to choose to stay together just like it’s okay to choose to leave.

It’s a fact that many marriages do thrive after that horrible experience.

The pain can be instrumental towards a stronger marriage and happy life just like anything else in life; what doesn’t kill you does make you stronger.

The popular saying of “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” is BS because it’s an absolute theory from “fake perfect people”.

And people who subscribe to that usually have other areas of life where they have enjoyed second chances but yet run their mouth.

One extreme is to allow a serial cheater to continue the bad behavior while you remain the doormat.  

But the other extreme is to have the outlook of perfection on how to be upright always at life , including zero room for grace.

Both extremes are problematic because it is a fact that betrayal of commitment at some level will be experienced in all marriages.

Check out this video on the screen to learn more about that.

What is Infidelity ❤️ Does it Make Marriage a Mistake⁉️

What is infidelity? In a marriage…

When one party engages in intimate relationships with a person outside of the marriage.

Some call it cheating… some call it an affair, and others call it Infidelity.

Study shows some statistics below… How common is infidelity?

  • 20% of men reported that they cheated sexually
  • 13% of women reported that they cheated sexually
  • 16% of ALL ADULTS reported that they cheated sexually

But under age 30, the numbers are different.

  • 10% of men under 30 reported that they cheated sexually
  • 11% of women under 30 reported that they cheated sexually

General Social Survey 2010–2016 by the National Opinion Research Council – University of Chicago

via PsychologyToday.com

Keep in mind that these are just the reported; a whole lot more will take that secret to their graves.

What is Infidelity in a Marriage? DEADLY

But what I can tell you is that betrayal is human characteristic…

And you should have proper expectations of humans when you marry one.

It is important to NOT lead into marriage with

….the daily fear of cheating, affairs, or infidelity.

That won’t help you.

This is one of those aspects of a marriage where you need God or whatever helps you maintain divine peace.

In addition, an affair can either be physical or emotional; and off course it can be a hybrid of both.

Whether infidelity represents the end of or deal breaker in a marriage is not a rule anywhere.

It completely depends on the parties and the uniqueness of their relationship and the underlying friendship.

Below is a question for us to address matters of infidelity in a marriage once and for all…

“I need to stop being negative and nagging.

I need to learn to listen to him and respect him.

He’s talking about this marriage might be a mistake; I need lots of prayer.”

Just keep in mind that respect, trust and submission are earned.

Enjoy the video.

Get My Marriage Back | Paperback/Kindlebook | FREE Audiobook


Before we dive into more details about infidelity…

Let’s answer the question as it will help with fundamentals.

In order to survive a crisis in any type of relationships

(especially a marriage), you can’t afford to undermine the power of an overall positive attitude.

Therefore if you are dealing with a negative and/or shutdown spouse, it will take a tremendous emotional energy to maintain your cool.

As I said earlier, respect is earned.

Just as trust and submission, all these actions are driven in a marriage as effects and not a cause.

Sure you can deliberately initiate them.

But it will eventually drain you emotionally if you are not aware of the underlying attraction level that initially brought you and you spouse together.

That is to say, if you are not presently attracted to your husband, it won’t last much long if you force yourself to respect him.

So in the long run, you need to address the cause of the low attraction level.

You have to also respect and love yourself enough to attract the type of love you deserve from your spouse.

It is natural for couples to go through this over time as complacency kicks in.

So I am saying that it is natural to take each other for granted over-time.

Is your marriage a mistake?

There is no relationship that is a mistake and here is why.

Every relationship you engage in your life must be regarded as an opportunity to grow.

It’s part of the interpretations you must add to your efforts of positive attitude.

Because that energy will drive a lot more other actions that will drive your spouse to do right by you.

Subsequently, it will propagate energy that will attract the types of relationship and may be another marriage that will serve you.

Can we agree that the marriage you have right now is bad especially if infidelity is involved?

Therefore it’s time to build a brand-new marriage with or without the same and present spouse.

That attitude gives you your best chance of attracting your present spouse to do right by you if that’s in fact what you want.

Effectively, if you lead with the attitude that it “MUST” be the same spouse,

Your desperate energy will push him or her away further.

Sure we all need prayer.

The scripture says….

“Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.”

James 2:17 New King James Version (NKJV)

The Real Meaning of Infidelity

The truth of the matter is that infidelity is involved whenever a promise is broken in your marriage.

It doesn’t have to be sexual in nature.

Therefore, any type of promise that was made in your vows no matter how little is seems will result in infidelity.

What is the difference between infidelity and adultery?

Adultery is more specific of a way to describe sexual related betrayal in a marriage.

But it’s an effect.

In order to fix adultery as one of the many types of infidelity, we have to go deeper into causes; Root Cause Analysis.

Of course it’s easier to point the most fingers at the person who engaged sexually with another outside of the marriage.

Most of the infidelity that happens in marriages has nothing to do with sexual behaviors.

However all of the different types of infidelities create resentments and complacency over-time.

For example, if you promised to be there for richer or poorer…

But then catch attitude last week because he was broke financially, that’s a form of infidelity.

In addition, catching negative attitude in the midst of any crisis does not solve it; it expands the emotional effect of it.

So, you’d agree that marriage has probably been infected with infidelity and needs work right?

I am by no means telling you that cheating or having an affair outside of the marriage is any easier to deal with.

All I am saying is that those types tend to be the most obvious to judge people with.

It’s very important that you use that to adjust your perspective in order to attract the love and marriage that you deserve.

Judgment, guilt, and blame will harm you, your relationships and especially any children involved.

Therefore you have to rise above the obvious emotions such anger, resentments, rage that you will naturally feel…

If you are on the receiving end of an infidelity.

That’s going to take work, but it’s doable and it’s your best shot at attracting happiness again.

So should you Stay in the Marriage After Infidelity?

It depends on your particular relationship.

If it’s taking you more than 3 months to at least forgive, you probably should consider separation first.

Because it’s not helpful for any of the parties for the other to live in mystery.

Time apart may just be what you need to appreciate life, the marriage or both again.

That same time apart may help a perpetual adulterer make a decision to nurture what they value…

And have clarity of where he or she belongs (with you or someone else).

Having out in that dark spot for longer than 3 month tends to create more and more emotional damage in you, your spouse and even any children that may be involved.

But marriage is usually not easy to just throw away.

If it was easy, you probably would not have that question.

Ask yourself this question however…

Are you running from your problems obviously entangled up in infidelity right now?

As I have said, the problem is deeper than the effects

Of which some of them are cheating, affairs and infidelity.

Minimum of 50% of this (though not your fault) is your problem.

So if your quick solution is to leave the marriage, you will effectively take 50% of the problem with you.

Hence why 76% of marriages to divorces ends in about 2 years according to many studies.

It will help you ensure that you work on yourself before concluding that leaving is the solution.


How to Practically Rebuild Trust Even After Infidelity

When you first met your spouse, it was natural to trust because attractions high.

It’s easy to be in love and trust a person that you truly don’t know.

The reality is that you couldn’t possible love them though.

That trust was fake in essence.

Now that you are dealing with the after effects and emotions from infidelity, the real work is needed.

Anything that’s worthwhile in life will take work.

It was never practical to trust another human at the level that we do in a marriage.

That’s why I always say, people that say ‘I do’ don’t know what they are doing.

It doesn’t even matter how much pre-marital counseling you have before, you simply couldn’t comprehend what you were about to do.

So I get it

Trust can be hard to rebuild once it has been breached by a spouse but it’s do able.

But, I have to tell.

Holding your marriage and specially your happiness hostage because of trust issues will not help you.

Here are some scriptures that warned you about trust and its application to infidelity recovery…

It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.

Psalm 118:8 ESV

Thus says the Lord: “Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the Lord.

Jeremiah 17:5 ESV

You are not even supposed to trust yourself; much less another person.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV

Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered.

Proverbs 28:26 ESV

Listen…

It’s natural for you to feel hurt and wallow in the mystery of it for a while.

But it’s time for you to realize that you deserve happiness and take the bulls by the horn.

How?

Leave all your trust issues in the hands of God and start living.

That’s easier said than done but hearing it or reading it from me might as well be the first step in the right direction.

Infidelity can be emotional and even more painful.

Is an adulterer always an adulterer?

You’ve heard the saying, “once a cheater always a cheater.”

That’s absolutely an impossible lie.

It’s a lie that can hold you hostage even long after your spouse has repented due to…

A larger purpose than the seduction and excitement they may have derived from their past transgression.

Here is a quick 2 step-solution to that.

  1. Do the work that will attract him or her to re-commit back into a brand-new marriage with you.
  2. Let go and forgive yourself for attracting the old marriage.
  3. Enjoy your new marriage one day at a time.

As you can see, none of the step has anything to do with putting the focus on fixing your spouse.

The work must be done from the inside to attract what you want on the outside.

What is the main reason for infidelity?

Of course in the long term, loyalty will benefit and create joy as opposed to short-term excitement.

But People cheat mainly for a lack of a larger purpose than the pleasure and excitement of secrecy.

It’s a choice but it’s also a choice that most humans are never too holy to make.

Most people just need the right circumstances to align to find themselves choosing pleasure over loyalty in the short term.

10+ Causes of Infidelity

Circumstances can include but not limited to:

  1. Not receiving enough attention from the significant other,
  2. Inappropriate engagement with friendly acquaintances,
  3. Low self esteem
  4. Immaturity
  5. Background and childhood trauma
  6. Belief system
  7. Low attraction
  8. Unmatched libido level
  9. Retaliation for past transgression

(10) 12…Principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

Ephesians 6:12, King James Version

But it’s never your fault when your significant other makes a choice to have an affair.

However you may have helped create one of the circumstances that align the opportunity for short-term human excitement.

They could have also chosen to rise above.

But judgment, blame, and guilt or self-guilt won’t help.

It’s time to understand “WHY” at a deeper level and attract an infidelity free brand new marriage.

The best chances of a lifetime joy is with a repented spouse because you are now both equipped with knowledge

Which becomes power when you both apply to a daily loving marriage for the rest of your lives.

Treat it on a daily basis…

Because obsession with the past and tomorrow will drown your relationships and especially your marriage.

Marriage counseling can help a great deal with communication skills… but check out the success statistics of marriage counseling here

If friendship with an opposite sex that you are personally friends with, an ex or a blast from the past is involved,

Respect yourself by allowing your spouse to go and sort that out before starting your brand-new marriage with them.

No one with healthily give you what you can’t give yourself.

Therefore if you can’t love and respect yourself, your spouse can’t love and respect you.

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2 FREE Books Download - $197

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