My Wife Loves Me But Doesn’t Desire Me 💔

You are about to discover what to do if all signals indicate that the wife you married doesn’t desire you anymore even though she claims she loves you.

It’s perfectly normal for a wife to love her husband, but sometimes not feel sexually attracted to him.

While desire cannot be negotiated, it can absolutely be influenced with some tips we will share in this article.

There could be any number of reasons for this, such as a lack of emotional connection, mismatched libido levels or unresolved anger or resentment.

If you’re in this situation, it’s important to talk to your spouse and figure out what’s causing the disconnect.

You may need to see a therapist to help address the underlying issues; you can start with a family therapist.

Here are some very important lessons that we will cover to give you a full understanding and tactful things you can do to rekindle things:

  1. The Meaning of “Desire” In A Marriage
  2. What is the Difference Between Love and Sexual Desire?
  3. “What Does it Mean When My Wife Loves Me But Doesn’t Desire Me?”
  4. How does this affect a marriage and relationship?
  5. Tips for creating sexual desire in your spouse again
  6. The Role of a Sex Therapist

… and more.

My Wife Never Touches Me Anymore

“She used to be so affectionate, but now she seems distant and removed. I don’t know what I did wrong, but I fear that she may be cheating on me or is no longer interested in me. I don’t know how much longer I can take this.”

This kind of problem always start with a wife losing interest.

Let’s dive right in…

3 Signs That Your Wife Is Losing Interest

It can be difficult to tell if your wife is losing interest in you.

However, there are 4 of many other signs you can look out for.

  • Sign #3 – One common sign is if your wife starts to avoid sexual intimacy.
  • Sign #2 – If she stops taking care of herself physically or stops dressing up for you, this can also be a sign that she’s losing interest.
  • Sign #1 – Another sign is if she becomes critical or negative towards you.

If your wife shows any of these signs, it might be time to talk to her about your concerns and see if there’s anything wrong.

The Meaning of “Desire” In A Marriage

When we think of the word “desire,” we often think of our sex life in a marriage and sexual desire.

However, desire is much more than that.

Desire is a yearning or craving for something, someone or the presence of someone.

It can be a strong feeling or emotion that motivates us to take further desired action of course.

In a marriage, it is important for both spouses to feel desired by the other.

This can be accomplished in many ways, such as through words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch.

When both spouses feel desired, it builds intimacy and strengthens the bond between them.

Sexual desire is an important part of a marriage, but it is not the only type of desire that matters.

Spouses should strive to meet each other’s non-sexual desires as well, in order to create a fulfilling and lasting relationship.

That alone can help in boosting and/or sustaining sexual desires in the marriage.

What is the Difference Between Love and Sexual Desire?

When we think of love, we often think of feelings of warmth, happiness and affection.

Love is a deep, emotional connection that spouses have with each other.

It is a feeling of being drawn to someone, of wanting to be close to them and wanting to make them happy.

In marriage, however, love is not just a feeling of lust or passion.

It is much more than that because a long term relationship between 2 different human beings is involved.

Love is Action, Patient, Kind and Fifty Million Others Things.

Sexual desire, on the other hand, is a physical attraction that spouses feel for each other.

It is the desire to be intimate with someone, to touch them and to be touched by them.

Sexual desire can often be confused with love, but they are two separate things.

Sexual desire was traditionally not necessary in a marriage, but love was as a function of duty and responsibility.

However, things have changed and it will hurt your marriage if you dare attempt to discount the importance of feelings in modern day marriage.

There Is A Strong Relationship Between A Couple’s Sex Life, Love And Sexual Desire. 

A couple’s sex life is often seen as the foundation of a healthy relationship, and is usually one of the first things to disappear when a relationship starts to deteriorate.

Love is often thought of as the emotional connection that couples share, and is what keeps them together over time.

Sexual desire, on the other hand, is what motivates people to have sex and is often seen as a physical manifestation of love.

“What Does it Mean When My Wife Loves Me But Doesn’t Desire Me?”

When a wife loves her husband but does not desire him, it can be a sign that there is something wrong in the underlying relationship.

It may be that the wife is no longer attracted to her husband, or that she is unhappy with the way things are going in the relationship.

If this is the case, then it is important for the husband to talk to his wife and find out what is wrong.

He should express his love for her and try to find a way to fix whatever is causing the problem.

By the way, she might not be able to explain this in words.

How Does Your Intimacy Affect a Marriage Relationship?

Your sex life is an important part of intimacy in your marriage and the underlying relationship.

It helps to keep the spark alive and allows couples to feel close to each other.

When there is not healthy level of intimacy (which is deeper than sex), everything else starts to feel wrong.

Your Sex Life Can Take Many Different Forms, Such As Talking And Touching.

If one partner feels that they are not being desired by the other, it can be a blow to their self-esteem.

It can make them feel like they are not good enough and that they are not wanted.

This can lead to a lot of emotional pain and conflict and even emotional and full blown infidelity.

There are many ways to improve your sex life in a marriage relationship.

Couples can talk about their needs and desires, spend time together, touch each other more often, and be open and honest with each other.

But that’s usually not enough because it would most likely take one person to lead the dance.

If you are struggling with this issue, please seek help from a therapist, coach or counselor.

They can assist you in working through these feelings and improving your relationship.

6 Tips for Creating A Fulfilling Sex Life With Your Spouse Again

There are many ways to rekindle your sex life in your relationship with your spouse.

Here are a few tips:

1. Talk openly and honestly about your feelings and desires but with respect to your partner’s feelings.

2. Make time for each other and carve out special moments just for the two of you.

3. Be affectionate and touch each other often.

4. Experiment and be playful in the bedroom.

5. Communicate during sex and let your partner know what you enjoy.

6. Connect emotionally as well as physically.

The Role of a Sex Therapist

A sex therapist’s role is to help couples or individuals overcome issues that are preventing them from enjoying a healthy and fulfilling sex life.

They can help with a range of issues, such as low libido, performance anxiety, erectile dysfunction, and more.

Sex therapists typically use a mix of therapies, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), couples therapy, and psycho-education.

How A Sex Therapist Uses CBT

A sex therapist uses cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) which can be a great help for couples in this situation.

He or she can help the couple understand why the wife loves her husband but does not desire him.

They can also work to help the couple rebuild their intimacy and connection.

Every other advice would probably unintentionally position you to start feeling like your wife is weaponizing sex.

How can she weaponize sex if she doesn’t hate sex with you?

That’s The Easy Route Of Thought; Try Harder.

A sex therapist would help you do the hard work by digging deeper into the reasons behind the scenes and behind the obvious.

You can even take it further.

You will learn seduction skills from a sex therapist that will help you influence high level of desire, interest and attraction.

Check out American Association of Sexuality Educators, counselors and therapists to see if you can find an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist.

An AASECT Certified Sex Therapist is trained to provide in-depth psychotherapy and they are specialized in treating clients with sexual issues and concerns.

What To Do When Your Partner Doesn’t Want To Be Intimate

When your partner doesn’t want to be intimate, it can be a difficult and confusing experience.

You may feel like you’re not good enough or that you’re not attractive in your relationship anymore.

Here Are 5 Things You Can Do To Improve Intimacy:

1. Talk to your partner about why they don’t want to be intimate and try to understand their point of view.

2. Don’t take it personally (this is easier said than done) – remember that this has nothing to do with how much they love you.

3. Don’t pressure your partner into being intimate if they’re not comfortable doing so because desire cannot be negotiated; it can however be influenced if you have the skills.

4. Seek out support from friends or family members who can offer words of encouragement to you if need it; don’t count on them being able to correct your spouse into order.

5. Seek professional help if the situation is causing you significant distress.

Remember that you’re not alone and there are ways to deal with this situation.

Don’t hesitate to reach out for help if you need it.

“Can I Divorce My Wife For Not Sleeping With Me?”

Of course you can divorce your spouse these days for the dumbest reasons.

All you have to do is to claim “irreconcilable differences.”

But of course, I don’t just advice you to just run for the hills at the slightest sight of a slow down in intimacy.

While it may be frustrating if your wife doesn’t want to have sex with you, it’s important to remember that there are many reasons why someone may not be interested in sex.

It Could Be Due To Stress, Fatigue, or Health Issues.

If your wife is unwilling to discuss the issue, then you may want to consult with a therapist to help you understand why she is not interested in sex and work on ways to improve intimacy.

There are many bitter people on the internet that will advice you to just go ahead and kick her to the curb.

You and I know that if it was that easy, you would have done it already.

Don’t compare yourself to people who are so weak to the extent that they never had enough vested interest in a marriage they created in the first place.

Identify if you really want that marriage from a personal standpoint and then move intentionally and accordingly; with the help of good counsel and not random people on the internet.

How Health Issues Can Result in Lack of Physical Intimacy

Many couples struggle with physical intimacy at some point in their relationship.

This can be due to a variety of factors, such as fatigue, stress, or health issues.

When one partner is dealing with health issues leading to a lack of physical intimacy, it might not be as obvious.

Physical intimacy is an important part of a marriage, and when it’s lacking, it can be difficult for both partners.

There are issues that may be hormonal or psychological remnants of health crisis.

Start with a conversation as usual and a healthy does of empathy and that alone can instigate her wanting sex.

“I Just Want My Wife To Want Me But I’ve Heard Many Wives Like Her Hate Sex Eventually.”

Sexual pleasure is an important part of any relationship, and it’s no different for couples in which the wife loves her husband but doesn’t desire him.

This is a temporary issue normally and you next move can make it permanent or temporary; tread carefully.

Even though they’re not physically attracted to each other, these couples can still enjoy a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship if they’re willing to put in the effort.

For men in this situation, it’s important to understand that sexual pleasure isn’t all about the physical act of sex.

Sexual pleasure actually starts long before the act of sex.

There is a lot more going on even though you may feel as though she hates sex; it’s highly unlikely.

One of the key things when you are going through this is to make sure you are prepared for the opportunity to be intimate when it presents itself again.

When that time comes…

Here Are Additional 5 Tips To Be More Sexually Intimate With Your Wife

Tip #5 – First, try to be more present when you’re together.

Tip #4 – Pay attention to her body and her reactions when you’re touching her.

Tip #3 – Second, experiment with different types of touch. Try mixing up your routine to keep things fresh; don’t be predictable.

Tip #2 – Third, communicate with your wife about what she enjoys.

Let her know what turns you on, and ask her about her fantasies.

Tip #1 – Lastly, make time for sex.

Dedicate time specifically for intimacy, and make sure that both of you are available for it.

Here is a quick question for you to ponder.

How do you feel about entertaining sex toys in your sex life?

Your answer can make or break your sex life and intimacy; Hint: No answer is right and wrong.

Why Does My Wife Hate Initiating Sex?

There could be many reasons why your wife hates initiating sex.

It could be that she’s not attracted to you, she’s not in the mood, or she’s not feeling well.

If your wife doesn’t initiate sex very often, it might be because she’s not comfortable doing so.

Heck: It can be completely a traditional or cultural issue

Talk to her about how you feel and see if she has any concerns or suggestions.

This is one of those situations where you may want to identify the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship and both of you as individuals.

What I want you to do is to shed more energy and light on the strengths and avoid trying to force the weaknesses with respect to the result that you want.

I would hope that your desired result is simply more sex; more passionate sex.

“My Wife Makes Excuses To Refuse Sex.”

“My wife loves me and always tells me how much she cares for me, but she doesn’t desire me sexually. She makes excuses not to sleep with me, and it’s really starting to take a toll on our relationship. I’m not sure what to do, as I still want to be intimate with her.”

Most Women In Marriage React To Unhappiness In One Or More Ways: 

Outside of health issues, she might not feel satisfied with her marriage due to the amount of time spent away from her spouse.

The most recent findings suggest that up to 50 percent of couples who have been married 10 years are dissatisfied with their marriage because they report feeling frustrated and unfulfilled.

This is a rather strong reason why most women in marriage do not want sex – it’s as if they’re trying to protect themselves from being hurt again by refusing sex.

To a large extent, this can be subconscious.

Most women refuse sex because they are afraid of getting too close, only for them to continue to feel unhappy in the marriage down the road anyway.

It’s like “why bother?”

The First Step Is Always To Talk To Your Spouse About The Issue.

If that doesn’t work, you may want to engage your seduction power as a woman; that starts with self-assessment.

  • What turned him on to you in the first place?
  • What turns him on to you right now?
  • What turns you on?

Once you find out the answer to all 3 of these questions, then you will find everything else useful in rekindling things.

How To Deal With A Sexless Marriage As A Woman

Dealing with a sexless marriage as a woman can be difficult, but there are ways to cope.

First, it’s important to understand that there is no shame in having a sexless marriage.

It’s not your fault, and you’re not alone.

There are many couples who experience this problem and therefore there are many solutions and options.

In Conclusion

It’s normal for most women to lose interest in their husbands after some time and over time.

This doesn’t mean that the love is gone, just the desire may be absent.

There are many things you can do to help boost your wife’s desire and attraction towards you again.

By leveraging some of the simple tips we’ve covered, you can rekindle the flame and have a more fulfilling marriage.

Here is a last bonus tip for you.

If you are always engaged in arguments that you may have considered a harmless debate, that can sure create lower interest and desire from your spouse; It can get weird from time to time.

What a confusion right?

Are women crazy? 

How do you love a husband you don’t desire?

I was on the receiving end of those resentments she mentioned earlier and it was not fun as you can probably imagine.

We got married and I flipped my legs on the table and just relaxed like most new husbands.

After all, we are now committed to each other for life. 

PREVIOUS POST: 💔 5 Reasons Your Wife is NOT Affectionate Anymore

What else is there to worry about? So I thought or acted at least.

It’s called complacency and we all do it in one shape, form or the other.  

The truth is that I truly loved my wife and my family even back then but that didn’t stop me from being complacent.

Here is the first thing you should know.

On the other end of being complacent is a person you love who may be feeling undesired by you even if you don’t mean to.

And you know what they say about hurt-people. They hurt people right?

That’s right. But I didn’t plan out how I was going to hurt you back.

It was more-so about two people who entered a whole marriage to wing things along.

I know what you are thinking.

Why didn’t we vet properly and go through premarital counseling?

Not only did we engage in some premarital counseling,

we actually dated and were in a committed relationship for 3 years before we went to the altar.  

Here is what we know today after reviewing, consulting and coaching many people in modern marriages .

People that say “I do” don’t know what they are doing because they couldn’t possibly know.

When you haven’t experienced marriage,

you are in a completely different context and it is what it is.

So when I complained about a few things a few times only to get undesirable responses from my husband,

I continued to feel more unsafe to express myself.

The resentments started to build up naturally.

It is in fact true that unexpressed expectations turn to resentments.

It is paramount that you give your partner freedom to express their expectations and the key is to not take those expectations personally.

TRENDING: 5 Stages that Leads to a Sexless Marriage 💔

After our relationship deteriorated so badly, I was still pretty much oblivious.  

To me it wasn’t that difficult.  I just want my wife to want me and it was weird to me that she didn’t get it.

Before I knew it, I started creating room in my life for the idea of entertaining attention that was being deprived on the sidelines.

We never stopped proclaiming our love for each other verbally but I didn’t feel it. 

As a man, I simply normalized it because I grew up with Uncles who had and exercised options when it comes to women; married or not.

Like most men…

*I thought about sexual attraction.

*I wondered why you avoided intimacy and I couldn’t touch you anymore.

*I resented the audacity of committing and not showing up to our marriage.

So of course over time, the disconnection reflected occasionally in my energy and at one point, my wife verbally gave up on us.

The Main Lesson

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

That rock bottom helped me discover the secret. 

A certain type of love required for all marriages is a choice.

However, desire, affection, and attraction are symptoms of a certain consistent way of showing up in your marriage as a man.

A typical wife has a lot on her plate and simply doesn’t get to decide if they want to desire you or not.

Think about it.

In the beginning of your love affair, your wife desired you without knowing enough about you.

Though it wasn’t controlled, it was an attraction.

So we can agree that desire in a marriage is not some logical decision.

At least, that’s not reality.

But it can absolutely be reverse-engineered especially with the history of desire that used to exist between the two of you. 

We know it can happen again but it’s easier said than done.

With proper support it’s absolutely possible because we are a testimony.

But you will have to engage your power and it’s impossible when you are playing the victim.

Frequently Asked Question

Why is my wife not interested in me sexually?

It could be for many reasons including time, boredom, health issues. The good news is that help is available.

What do you do when your wife doesn't want to be intimate?

Have a conversation with a healthy does of empathy and that’s 50% of the battle won.

Can a marriage survive without desire?

Yes a marriage can survive without desire but there is no reason to endure that type of suffering when help is available.

How can I get my wife to desire me again?

Have a conversation and look for ways to add value to her from a place of attraction leveraging seduction skills.

5 Tricks to Fix Your Marriage ❤️

Want to know how to fix your marriage using 5 simple tricks that work 100% of the time?

You see people, including your spouse, are predictable.

That is to say you too can learn a few tricks to attract the love you deserve and desire.

I have to assume that you are experiencing a crisis in your marriage now and that must feel terrible to live in that kind of misery.

Your spouse has probably shut down and is using these moments to emotional abuse you and your marriage.

Use these 5 simple tricks to turn all that around and fix your marriage.

How to Fix Your Marriage Using 5 Simple Tricks

(1) Relax

Rejection breeds obsession.

So the feeling of rejection that you are experiencing at the moment will naturally give you the illusion that the world is about to end.

You and I know that it couldn’t be further from the truth.

So the first step is for you to take back the control of your emotion

And keep in mind and prepare that more triggers will show up temporarily to make you lose it.

Be determined to stay in control.

Here is good book to read as you do…

(2) Listen & Give

This is a marriage and you should always only go into relationships to give; not give and take.

The very act of complaining shows that you are in the taking mode and as you can see, it’s working against you.

Sure it’s not easy to “give” to a person who is not giving love back to you but I am not asking you to give love.

But you need to find opportunities to give.

So you have to listen effectively in order to determine what will be received when you give.

For example, if a spouse is shut down, they are asking for space and that’s an opportunity to “give” some space.

Here is another article: Marriage Separation Advice

In fact, I would argue that you also need that space to regain back your emotional control and escape potential emotional abuse.

Remember.. No one can abuse you emotionally unless you allow it.

Focusing on giving has a direct correlation with fixing your marriage successfully but it must accompany a generous level of patience.

How much you give has a lagging and not a leading indication in your marriage.

(3) Avoid Predictable Reactions

You are responsible for your actions and your reactions are your actions.

Essentially, you don’t get to say “he or she made me do it.”

You are an adult and…

Therefore you are responsible for your actions even when you are not willing to take responsibility.

But you are in a better position of control when you take responsibility without confusing it with guilt and/or self-blame.

When a spouse shuts down, it tends to create triggers for overreaction in many aspects.

So one of the tricks you can use to fix your marriage is to identify scenarios where you would normally overreact and simply do the opposite.

This trick is not a one size fits all.

If you are normally dormant in reacting, then you should gain courage and speak up using words.

But say what you want to say once and leave it there. Arguments will create an undesirable effect.

The idea of this trick is to not be predictable; being predictable kill attraction.

If you can successfully make your spouse wonder why you act the way you act, it will build attraction and with patience, you will fix the marriage.

(4) Detach from Feelings

You are probably feeling like your spouse is no longer in love with you right?

Well first of all, know that feelings are temporary in nature and tend to exaggerate the reality of what’s going on.

So start with how you feel… you are probably exaggerating naturally.

And if you are not exaggerating, your spouse has probably expressed that feeling in words. “I am not in love.”

The in-love is a feeling and it reflects hurt; that’s okay because that can be fixed.

In-love is not love… that’s just butterflies.

And you can probably figure why he or she feels that way at the moment; it’s temporary if you use trick #3… RELAX.

It is better to not get attached to how you feel and your spouses’ expression of how they feel.

Instead, focus on creating a new alternate experience and be patient because it will create a lagging indication and not a leading indication.

That means you will see moments that feel like your effort is not reflecting but that’s a feeling; focus on giving.

But don’t forget to give to yourself too.

(5) Avoid Approval Seeking Behaviors

Some are very quick to apologize but there is a problem with that.

There is blurry line between:

  • Apologies
  • Seeking Approval and
  • Manipulation

These, including apology itself, are not attractive behaviors and it is better in a marriage and relationships to focus on changed behavior.

Changed behavior is the best apology and it’s also attractive as it makes you less predictable in the eyes of your spouse.

You should only apologize once if you feel you should and only if your spouse specifically asks for it.

Think about it, if you have to apologize over and over, you are probably not going to get a different result that you desire with doing the same thing over and over.

In general, avoid approval seeking behavior as it indicates lack confidence and that’s very unattractive at subconscious levels.

BONUS TRICK: Patience

You are not meeting your spouse for the first time so fixing your marriage will be a process.

But it’s worth it because of the level of personal growth that comes with giving over and over when it seems like you won’t receive.

It’s worth the process and your marriage will last that much longer.

Below is a question for us to address with this lesson…

“I need help.

I have a wife and she doesn’t talk to me near her mom and dad.

She says she is shy but sometimes she talks to me and sometimes she doesn’t.

Only sometimes she doesn’t talk to other guys but I don’t know if she loves me.

She says she does but I don’t believe it.”

Enjoy the video.

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I know...

The harsh reality is that the happiness in your marriage may be over...

IT'S BROKEN...

"Can it be saved?"

...And maybe you still even live in the house with your spouse as roommates, barely any sex or intimacy and probably in denial.

I get it.

You wonder...

"Is that the inevitable supposed and purposed end for marriages?"

You know you didn't bargain for such a painful experience.

In this FREE Book "GET MY MARRIAGE BACK", you will discover the UNCOMMON secrets of...

HOW TO SAVE & FIX YOUR BROKEN MARRIAGE ALL BY YOURSELF EVEN WHEN THERE IS INFIDELITY OR YOU FEEL IT IS COMPLETELY OVER.

There’s nothing worse than being in a marriage you thought was ordained by God and feeling like you are in eternal bondage and it seems there will never be an end.

It feels very dark in your matrimonial home and you can’t even share your ordeal with anyone.

You try so many moves to save your marriage but your spouse just doesn’t care anymore;

...you feel as though he/she is no more the person you married.

Finally, you thought may be you should communicate more

But the very act of communication digs deeper and deeper holes of arguments, fights, emotional aches and more.

Exhausted, you share your experience with your family and now the whole family is in feud;

Your parents, siblings, on both sides of the family etc.

They have all caught feelings.

You wonder if your kids will have a home with both parents 6 months from now... it feels like no one cares or ever cared.

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May be your situation is not bad at all, every marriage will go through crisis as a test to take you to greatness.

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If you feel like your home is heading in a very bad direction, you can't stop arguing, you can't speak your mind etc... you need all 3 sections of this book.

  1. Emergency
  2. New Foundation
  3. Real Love Techniques

It's time for you to build that real love experience (that you bargained for when you got married to your spouse)

...from a very intentional and deliberate stand point.

Marriage is not a partnership and it's takes more than common sense.

I'm sure you are a smart person because you found your way here.

But clearly, your smartness and common sense hasn't worked out well in your marriage.

The secrets we share with you in this book work both in the ancient and even better in the civilized age.

How can I fix my marriage by myself?

You can fix your marriage by yourself when you put the focus in fixing and working on yourself.

How do you rebuild your marriage?

You can rebuild your marriage by treating your spouse like you just met them; get to know the evolving person.

What are the signs of a failing marriage?

Toxic arguments and broken down communication gaps are probably the biggest signs of a failing marriage; especially when your spouse shuts down.

How do you fix your marriage without talking about it?

The arts and science of attraction is key to fixing your marriage; it requires minimum use of words and that’s not until you see signs of better vibes in your marriage.

How long do you try to fix your marriage?

There is no set rule outside for as long as you are attracted to your spouse; but also as long as they are still available.

Keep in mind that fixing your marriage if done right is almost synonymous to fixing yourself.

“My Wife DISRESPECTS Me” 9 Points Advice for you Especially in Separation… ❤️

In this lesson, I am sharing a 9-point marriage separation advice in order to give you the best chance to attract your spouse back in love with you.

At the bottom of this page, you will find the question that inspired this lesson.

Marriage Separation Advice - My wife disrespects me

(1) Give Yourself Space

It’s most likely that your spouse has asked you for space.

So if that’s the case, it’s very important that you don’t see it as a bad idea because frankly you probably need the space more.

You just can’t see that, because rejection breeds obsession.

Take advantage of the space apart to build a better “you”.

(2) Don’t Overrate Affairs

While your spouse may be distracted by an emotional or physical affair with another person, don’t highlight it.

The affair will never be worth what you have already shared with your spouse

But it is important that you showcase being unbothered by anything or anyone outside of the relationship you have with him or her.

The worst thing you can do is to spend your space apart bickering about affairs; it will only expand and you will push your spouse further away.

(3) It Takes One But…

Insisting that you stay together is not going to help save your marriage as much as attracting your spouse back.

It only takes one person to create attraction but that requires a process and insisting otherwise will interrupt that process of attraction.

Instead, let go as it only takes “you” to build attraction which is the single most important thing that is missing right now.

(4) Don’t Use/Abuse Children

The marriage separation period will come with a lot of temptations

And one of them is trying to inflict emotional abuse and blackmail on your spouse.

Another one is abusing your children as a tool to accomplish that goal.

It always backfires.

The most common one, believe it or not, is not as obvious as you may think.

It happens more in the form of manipulation under the pretense of protecting the child or children.

What you want to do is stay focused on what you want and don’t want

And leave the children out of it even if that’s painful for you emotionally.

Your emotional feelings are temporary.

The only exception to this, is physical abuse of the children; in that case, it would be non-negotiable to get the children removed from harm’s way.

(5) After 3 Months, You are Free

It’s not advisable to engage in transgressions with other people during separation but we are all humans.

Technically, you are free to move on after 3 months of lack of sexual relationship when it is not medically related in my personal opinion.

But also in my personal opinion, the most profitable and worthwhile thing to work on in this period is self growth.

If you don’t, transgression and the lifestyle that comes with it can destroy everything you care about.

It can be even worse when it’s done in retaliation.

If you decide to move on, seek legal counsel to avoid exposing you and/or your children to unfavorable legal loopholes.

(6) More Actions/Less Talking

That should be pretty clear but be careful not to confuse certain inaction with emotional centered-ness.

For example, don’t abandon your children and/or your normal responsibilities in the name of less talking.

That would be irresponsible and such behavior will continue to lower your spouse’s attraction towards you.

Just keep in mind that changed behavior is the best apology.

So for the most part, verbal apology will work against you because of the expectation for instant results.

Stay away from arguments, approval seeking behaviors and focus on building your self during this period.

(7) You Allow Disrespect

If there are any type of disrespect and/or disregard from your spouse during your separation, ask yourself first,

“How did I put myself in that position?”

“How did I allow that”?

You need to take the time to extract the answer to that question as it will help with clarity as you move into the new phase of your marriage.

The bottom-line and the result of this exercise should be that no one should be taking anyone for granted again.

When you take yourself for granted, your spouse will see it as a permission to take you for granted if they are weak like most people.

(8) Never Bribe for Sex

Don’t manipulate with whatever you do for your spouse, children and family at this time as a bribe for sex.

It will work against your desire.

Do it if you find it honorable to do and you don’t have to if you don’t feel like it.

The worst thing you can do is do it and then blame them for not reciprocating.

(9) Work on Yourself

That should be self explanatory.

Use the marriage separation period to build yourself and attract the love and affection that you deserve.

It’s simple but I agree…

It’s easier said than done.

Below is a question for us to address with this lesson…

“ I really enjoy your content on IG: @LOLAandOLA and I need to ask you a question.

In April 2017, my wife said she wanted space for 2 weeks because we were not in a good place and she was distracted by an affair at the time.

Initially, I objected and wanted us to get a fresh new start.

She did not return and recently found out she is in a full blown now having sexually intimate moments with her partner on the same bed as my 6 years old daughter who told me she’s uncomfortable.

As a christian, am I totally free without guilt to remarry even though we are not officially divorced.

I’m not going to crawl and beg her.

I did all I could to fight and save the marriage. But it’s clearly not working out.

She finds joy in disrespecting me and talking to me anyhow, rudely and distastefully.

Mind you, I am financially okay and earn 8-figures per annum.

I still give her monthly up-keep, 120K per month, for my daughters, excluding fees, clothing… until 2019 January when I stopped for many reasons.”

Enjoy the video.

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What should you not do during separation?

The number ONE thing to not do during separation is to NOT focus on yourself and building yourself. When you focus on building yourself, you will attract the love and marriage you desire and deserve.

Is separation good for a marriage?

Yes because distance does makes the heart fonder. In other words, space creates attraction and it is encouraged if things have gotten very toxic.

How do you cope with a marriage separation?

It is important to focus on building your self worth and value in other to attract the love and marriage you desire and deserve. Write out your vision of your desired marriage and hold it close to you. Stay out of unnecessary contact with your spouse during this period.

How long should a marriage separation last?

It needs to last for as long as it takes for your spouse to stop taking you for granted or for as long as you need to find your self worth and value; whichever is longer, it is worth it.

Does a separation help a marriage?

“Distance makes the heart fonder.” In other words, space creates attraction and it is encouraged if things have gotten very toxic in your marriage. So it is winning if you both could agree to a separation.

What is a marriage separation?

It is an agreement between a couple to spend some time apart in order to find happiness in the marriage again.

When is marital separation a good idea?

It is encouraged if things have gotten very toxic in your marriage.