Tag: erectile dysfunction

Addressing sex starvation, sexless marriages, erectile dysfunction and low levels of attraction are often sensitive but crucial for many couples.  Taking self-accountability in your marriage, especially when facing challenges like these is key.

Trigger Warning and Quick Disclaimer: A lot of patience, particularly for yourself, and self-reflection may be required to have a holistic understanding of this topic if you are presently dealing with these issues of sex starvation.

In a recent discussion on Obodo Oyinbo TV and Man of Prestige, we talked about a common scenario where a husband refuses to address his erectile dysfunction, leaving his wife feeling neglected and sex-starved. The question arose: why should she take responsibility for his health issue?

The real answer is: she shouldn’t. Unless there are other problems that need to be solved. Oh yeah, there are more problems. She is feeling neglected and sex-starved.

At this point, we have two choices. We can change the topic to “As a man, what do you do when you are ashamed of your Erectile Dysfunction and Refuse to Seek Help?” or we can address the main topic of “What do you do as a woman dealing with neglect and Sex Starvation Due to Possible Erectile Dysfunction?”

I have a better idea. Let’s address both.

Here’s the twist—it’s not about assigning blame but about taking proactive steps to find solutions and properly assess the sequence of problems. Clearly, communication breakdown is a problem for this couple as expressed by or on behalf of her.

If you’re in a similar situation, it’s essential to acknowledge that your marriage’s health is a shared responsibility, at least until you decide to leave. By taking self-accountability, you focus on what you can control and do to improve the situation and avoid all blaming, shaming, and faulting strategies. They will only make matters worse for you. People who feel judged tend to feel attacked and reciprocate. Listen to understand; avoid the trap.

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With that being said, here are five inclusive tips for you:

Tip 1: Understand the Sequence of Problems That Matter

With the Prestige Family, we address these issues from a standpoint of self, power, social dynamics, seduction, attraction, and emotional intelligence. We have a method for the madness you are feeling, and it starts with self.

Which part of the problem can you own up to? In this case, it’s obviously not the ED, but she can truthfully say, “I feel neglected and sex-starved.” When we get to the part of answering the “why,” it becomes easy to disengage from self-accountability because, obviously, the ED is related to his body. It also becomes easy to disengage from her power and focus on the unfairness of having to worry about his refusal to seek help.

Let’s break down the layers of problem-solving that create lasting solutions. There are two main problems here: an unaddressed sexual issue and sex starvation. Giving your problem away (sometimes camouflaged as addressing the root cause) or blaming the other person only exacerbates the original issue. We do need to conduct a root cause analysis, but to do that properly, the closest problem you personally feel, especially emotionally, must be properly identified and owned.

Even though the wife might suspect her husband has ED, self-diagnosis and medication based on suspicions aren’t the answers. A man who is not erect during attempts at sexual intercourse could be experiencing many other issues, which might include low levels of attraction. You might not want to hear that your partner is not attracted to you due to the negative impact of shaming. Instead, you as a wife can take proactive steps to address your dissatisfaction, such as consulting with a relationship coach or counselor to find ways to fix the “not-so-obvious communication” breakdown in your relationship.

Tip 2: Seek Professional Guidance

Dealing with sexual intimacy issues can be daunting, but seeking help isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a step toward resolution. Whether it’s consulting with a therapist or a relationship coach, professional guidance can provide clarity and constructive strategies.

You will learn how to encourage open dialogue and support your partner in seeking medical advice. Sometimes, reluctance to address health concerns stems from fear or embarrassment. Your understanding and encouragement can make a significant difference.

If your partner is reluctant, you can still seek professional advice yourself. Doctors have ways and strategies to counsel you appropriately without making assumptions that will perpetuate the issue. They can offer insights and potential solutions that you might not have considered, ensuring you don’t feel stuck in an endless cycle of blame.

I understand your frustration and the feeling of being tired after trying to seek help multiple times. It’s exhausting to feel like you’re the only one putting in the effort. However, the aim here is not to burden you further but to encourage a shift in perspective. While it might seem unfair, taking self-accountability in this situation can empower you to find new avenues of support and solutions.

The “further help” I’m suggesting involves seeking guidance for yourself, not just for your partner. This means consulting a therapist or relationship coach who can provide strategies for managing your feelings of neglect and sex starvation. They can help you navigate the emotional complexities of this situation and offer practical advice on how to communicate your needs effectively.

The goal is to empower you to take control of your own well-being. Feeling tired and frustrated is natural, but staying in that state won’t solve the problem. By focusing on what you can do and seeking professional guidance, you can find new ways to address the issues and improve your relationship, even if that means making difficult decisions to leave the relationship.  Holistic and non-emotionally driven support is key.

Tip 3: Foster a Culture of Open Communication

In many marriages, silence around sensitive topics like sex starvation and erectile dysfunction can deepen your heartache. Creating a safe space for your partner to communicate their version of the concern is vital. It also provides you with the opportunity to express your concerns. Do it in that order. This encourages you and your partner to share your thoughts without judgment. It’s easier said than done, but it’s the best way to get what you want.

Trust is the foundation of any relationship. By taking self-accountability in facilitating open communication, you not only address immediate issues but also strengthen trust and emotional connection with your partner. This trust-building process involves more than just speaking about problems.

Addressing issues like sex starvation and ED requires sensitive and effective communication.

Like I said, It’s about acknowledging the emotions, feelings and fears before suggesting unfounded solutions such as ED and blood pressure drugs, non-regulated herb mixes, sex toys, and imposing sexual activities that will create more awkward energy in your marriage. Some of these things might help, but seek wise counsel first.

Once you know what you are doing with regards to the broken-down communication, you can start the conversation by acknowledging the difficulty of the topic. This shows that you recognize the sensitivity of the issue and respect their feelings. When your partner sees that you are genuinely trying to understand their perspective without judgment, they are more likely to open up.

Pay attention to what they are saying without interrupting or preparing your response. This level of attentiveness shows that you value their input and are committed to finding a lasting solution together. Once they have shared, express your own feelings in a similar, respectful manner.  Handle interjections with grace and not judgment.

By practicing these communication techniques, you create an environment where both partners feel heard and understood. This not only helps in resolving the immediate issue, sex starvation (or ED if it ends up being an issue), but also lays the groundwork for addressing future challenges in a constructive and loving manner. Open communication fosters a partnership based on mutual respect and understanding, which is crucial for a thriving marriage.

No disrespect intended, but your tone and approach in discussing this topic indicates how you would handle these types of sensitive issues. Assess yourself. Is it enough if you were on either side of this situation?

Tip 4: Cultivate Empathy and Understanding

Understanding your partner’s perspective is key to resolving conflicts. Empathy allows you to see beyond surface issues and delve into underlying emotions. It’s about being there for your partner, especially during challenging times. While it can be difficult, it is highly rewarding.

Instead of dwelling on fault-finding, focus on what you can bring to collaborative solutions. Empower your partner to take proactive steps towards mutual happiness and fulfillment in your marriage.

Recognize that your partner might be dealing with unspoken fears or insecurities. For instance, your husband might avoid addressing ED due to embarrassment or fear of inadequacy. Approaching the situation with empathy helps alleviate these fears and allows you to work towards a solution together.

Remember, without adequate support, it can be challenging to cultivate empathy. A valid question arises: who is taking care of you? Ensure you also seek support and guidance to maintain your well-being while nurturing your relationship.

Tip 5: Embrace Growth and Adaptability

Marriage and intimacy will evolve over time, and so will the challenges you face. Embrace these opportunities for personal and relational growth. Learn from setbacks, adapt to new circumstances, and focus on evolving together as a couple.

Every challenge is a chance to learn and grow stronger as a team. By embracing change and learning from experiences, you create a resilient and fulfilling marriage. Don’t wait for your partner all in the name of “it takes two to tango.” Start by working on yourself and your mindset.

Adopting a growth mindset means seeing problems as opportunities to learn and grow. This perspective helps in dealing with issues constructively and ensures that you evolve as your partner is evolving, making the marriage stronger and more resilient.

This conversation is bigger than just sex starvation and erectile dysfunction. 

It’s about how you handle conflict and crisis in your marriage.  It’s easier said than done; granted.  But it has to be done.

Your goal is a united front.  You can’t achieve that by focusing on fairness and assigning blame. You will create better results assuming best case scenario, default fairness, self abundance and then offering something out of your self abundance.  If you don’t have enough to claim self-abundance, work on that first.

Remember, your marriage is a journey filled with ups and downs. By embracing self-accountability, seeking professional guidance, fostering open communication, cultivating empathy, and embracing growth, you empower yourselves to navigate challenges and strengthen your bond.

It’s crucial to understand that when we talk about self-accountability, it doesn’t mean you should take all the blame or do all the work. If you have already sought help and your partner is still unwilling to address his ED, further self-accountability means making decisions for your own well-being. This might include setting boundaries, continuing therapy for yourself, or, in some cases, considering separation if your needs continue to be unmet. Self-accountability is about taking control of one’s own happiness and not being stuck in a situation that doesn’t change.

It’s also essential to avoid direct or indirect self-diagnosis of ED or any self-medication. There could be other underlying issues, such as low levels of sexual attraction. Seeking professional help independently can provide the wife with strategies and insights to address the situation without perpetuating the cycle of sex starvation.

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