“Intimacy” includes physical closeness and to many, this quickly gets translated to mean a sexual relationship.
Of course, married love includes sex, as it should, but long-married couples will often relate that the sexual part of their relationship is only one of many ways they are intimate with each other.
Other forms of intimacy are emotional, intellectual, heart-to-heart conversations, working together at common goals, and spiritual intimacy. True marital intimacy usually involves being honest with your spouse and allowing yourself to be vulnerable.
Because you know your spouse well and trust him/her not to hurt you, you are willing to give yourself completely and risk the unknown.
In emotional intimacy, a couple shares their joys, fears, frustrations, sorrows, and, yes, anger with each other. This doesn’t mean that spouses yell and scream at each other- or, worse, hit each other- but it does mean that hard feelings can be shared, too. The challenge is to find ways to do this respectfully.
It can be scary at times to let down one’s emotional guard, but when trust is developed over time, it feels safe. Emotional intimacy is one of the strongest bonders in a marriage.
It is violated when a spouse shares intimate thoughts and feelings with a friend, co-worker, or on- line. This can feel like a betrayal even though it doesn’t involve sexual infidelity.
The 4 Types of Intimacy
Before you can work on intimacy in marriage, it’s important to understand the four main types: emotional, intellectual, sexual, and experiential intimacy. Let’s explore these in terms of how they apply to a romantic relationship:
Emotional intimacy: People experience emotional intimacy when they feel comfortable sharing their feelings—good and bad—with each other. For example, you tell your spouse that you feel insecure about your body after gaining a few pounds.
Intellectual intimacy: When it comes to intellectual intimacy, people feel safe sharing their ideas and opinions, even when they don’t see eye to eye on the matter. For example, you and your spouse discuss your personal political opinions, even though you follow different parties.
Sexual intimacy: Sexual intimacy occurs when people engage in sensual or sexual activities. For example, your spouse pulls you in close, lifts your chin, and kisses you passionately.
Experiential intimacy: People engage in experiential intimacy when they bond during day-to-day activities or work together to accomplish a mission. For example, you help your spouse fix the flat tire on your car, handing her the tools she needs.
Again, intimacy in marriage is about forming a bond and developing an unequivocal closeness. Naturally, as we get to know someone we’re romantically interested in, we both explore and fulfill emotional, intellectual, sexual, and experiential intimacy. But as we get closer and more comfortable with the other individual, that intimacy can die down.
Keep the Flame Alive: Tips
Don’t worry. If you and your spouse are lacking that emotional, intellectual, sexual, or experiential intimacy, you can find that spark again. Here are 5 tips that will help you to improve every type of intimacy in marriage:
1. Seek out new experiences.
As we touched on earlier, intimacy isn’t just about a physical connection. It’s also about closeness and familiarity. With that in mind, one of the best ways to improve intimacy with your spouse is to revel in new experiences. For example, you could embark on a major project together like renovating or flipping a house. Or, you might consider adding a new member to your family and adopting a dog! If you aren’t ready for such commitments, you could book a trip to an unfamiliar country and explore its depths together. These experiences are designed to challenge you—they’ll force you two to work closely together, and maybe even argue or despise each other along the way, all while ultimately solidifying your bond further and improving intimacy in your marriage.
2. Relish in your comfort and connection.
When we first start dating someone, everything is new and exciting. We experience intense emotions as we get to know the individual and become intimate with each other. Over time, though, this novelty and excitement lessen. While this can be disappointing, there is a flip side: the connection is deeper than ever before, signified by the comfort you feel in each other’s company. So, you can improve your intimacy with your spouse by thinking back to the initial stages of your relationship, appreciating its development, and relishing in just how comfortable you feel with your spouse. This is key to fostering intimacy in marriage.
3. Change up your routine.
On the other hand, it’s also helpful to switch up your routine every now and then to induce those intense emotions again. Go out of your way to do the unexpected and surprise your spouse. For example, book a weekend getaway and have everything ready to go—book the hotel, pack the bags, fill the car up with gas. You can also change up your routine and improve intimacy by spending a little time apart. There’s nothing wrong with taking separate trips every now and then. This will give you the chance to miss each other and you’ll feel happy and excited when you’re reunited.
4. Maintain good avenues of communication.
Often, we don’t set aside time to have a proper conversation with our spouse—be it about the love we have for them or, on the other hand, a problem in the relationship. However, maintaining good avenues of communication can supplement our effort to improve intimacy in marriage and to keep the flame alive Adina Mahalli, certified relationship consultant and sexual health expert, explains: “Relationships are constant work and can fall apart if there isn’t effort put in to maintain it. Small things go a long way while maintaining intimacy, and resentment can build up quickly if there are not good avenues of communication,” Mahalli explains. “Knowing and explaining to your partner on a regular basis why you’re in love with them and how you feel about them is another way to keep the flame burning. Disagreeing is also an important aspect of any relationship. Being able to calmly and respectfully tell your partner the issues you’re having is essential for maintaining intimacy. Silence is the silent killer of relationships.”
5. Demonstrate your love and support often.
Make a habit out of showing your spouse that you love, care for, and support them. Many of us assume or insist that our partners know we love them—but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t remind our spouses through both our words and our actions on a regular basis. For example, when your spouse gets home from work, look into their eyes and then kiss them. Ask how their day was. Put gas in their car. Write a cute message for them to find on the whiteboard in the kitchen. Find small ways to remind them that you care. This will help to improve with your spouse and keep that flame burning indefinitely.
How Can You Fix Intimacy Issues?
If you’re having intimacy issues in your marriage, there are a few things you can do to try to improve the situation. Intimacy is about so much more than just sex, but that doesn’t mean that sex isn’t important. If you and your spouse are struggling with intimacy, it may be helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor who can help you work through the underlying issues. Here are a few other things that may help:
1. Talk about your needs and expectations.
If you’re not happy with the level of intimacy in your marriage, it’s important to talk about it with your spouse. Discuss your needs and expectations for intimacy in your relationship. This can be a difficult conversation, but it’s important to have if you want things to improve.
2. Make time for each other.
Intimacy requires time and effort. If you want to improve intimacy in your marriage, you need to make time for each other. This means setting aside time for date nights, weekends away, or just time to spend together without distractions. You may also need to get creative if you have kids. Intimacy doesn’t always have to mean sex—it can also be about cuddling, talking, or just spending time together.
3. Be willing to try new things.
If you’re in a rut, it may be helpful to spice things up and try new things. This could mean anything from trying new positions or experimenting with new techniques to adding some excitement to your sex life by incorporating toys or role-play.
4. Seek help from a professional.
It can be tough to fix intimacy problems without professional assistance. It’s often more efficient to work with a couple’s therapist to solve these issues. When one person in a marriage has problems with intimacy, it can make the other feel inadequate. If both people have separate problems, then significant work needs to be done, but things can get better.
Intimacy plays an important role in a happy and healthy marriage. If you’re struggling with intimacy in your relationship, don’t be afraid to seek help from a professional. Often, couples’ therapy can be very helpful in these situations. Intimacy is about so much more than just sex—it’s about developing a deep connection with your spouse. By working on intimacy in your marriage, you can improve your relationship and make it stronger than ever.
Intimacy in marriage is both important and complex. It’s about more than just sex, but sex is still an important part of intimacy. If you’re struggling with intimacy in your marriage, don’t be afraid to seek help from a professional. Often, couples’ therapy can be very helpful in these situations. Intimacy is about developing a deep connection with your spouse, and by working on intimacy in your marriage, you can improve your relationship and make it stronger than ever.
Sexual intimacy keeps you both physically and emotionally healthy. Studies have found that people who are married are not necessarily happier, but if the relationship between the couple is healthy and satisfying, then married people do enjoy better health.
Having an intimate and close relationship with our spouse or loved one brings many physical and emotional benefits. Reducing stress, anxiety, and depression, increasing our sex life, and countering loneliness are just some of the benefits.
Intimate relationships are often characterized by attitudes of mutual trust, caring, and acceptance. A part of our sexuality might include intimacy: the ability to love, trust, and care for others in both sexual and other types of relationships.
When it comes to sexless marriages, there can be a lot of confusion about when is the right time to walk away.
For some people, the decision might be easy-if they’re not getting what they need from their spouse, they’ll end the marriage.
But for others, it might not be so simple.
Maybe they’ve been married for a long time and have kids, or maybe they’re afraid of being alone.
Whatever the reason, it’s important to know when enough is enough.
But before we get into all that, it’s more important to know if you can savage the situation; many and probably most couples have overcome dry spells.
In this article, we will cover the following lessons…
1. What is a sexless marriage?
2. Causes of a sexless marriage
3. Effects of a sexless marriage
4. How to deal with a sexless marriage
5. How to create a healthy sex life when in a sexless marriage
6. Can a marriage survive without sexual intimacy?
7. Does a sexless relationship lead to a sexless marriage?
Let’s dive right in…
What is a sexless marriage?
A sexless marriage is a marriage where the couple does not have sex.
This can be for a variety of reasons; the most common being that one or both spouses are not interested in sex.
When it comes to low sexual interest in marriage, there can be a lot of reasons why this might happen.
For one, it could be that one or both spouses have lost interest in sex altogether.
This could be due to boredom, fatigue, or simply not feeling attracted to their partner anymore.
Another possibility is that there may be an underlying physical issue causing the low interest in sex, such as hormonal imbalances or chronic illnesses.
Whatever the reason may be, if you’re experiencing low interest in sexual activity within your marriage, it’s important to talk to your spouse about it.
It’s possible that they’re unaware of the issue and may have no idea that you’re not interested in sex.
Causes of a Sexless Marriage
Before we talk about when to walk away from a sexless marriage, won’t you agree that you should learn the many causes of a sexless marriage?
One of the most common reasons is when one or both partners have lost interest in sex.
Yes… interest, desire and attraction are key elements in this.
While desire cannot be negotiated, it can definitely be influenced with some seduction skills if the cause is medical in nature.
Low level of interest can be due to a number of factors, such as stress, fatigue, boredom, or a lack of connection with their partner.
Another common cause of a sexless marriage is when one partner has a low sex drive.
This can be due to hormonal changes, medical issues, or stress.
If one partner consistently rejects sexual advances, this can also lead to a sexless marriage.
If you are in a sexless marriage, it is important to assess the situation and determine if it is something that you can work on or if it is time to walk away.
There is a big difference between sexual interest and sex drive.
Interest is what makes you want to have sex, while sex drive is what motivates you to act on that desire.
Interest can be sparked by things like sexy lingerie, kissing, or cuddling and long term effects of being in a good place and feeling safe with your spouse.
However, sex drive is more about the physical urges in moments and the need to release that tension.
It’s possible to have a high interest but a low sex drive, or vice versa.
Erectile Dysfunction Can Also Lead to a No Sex Marriage
If you’re dealing with erectile dysfunction, there are a few remedies you can try before calling it quits on your marriage.
First, you could talk to your doctor about medication or therapy that could help get your libido back up and running.
If that doesn’t work, you might want to consider couples counseling to help reignite the intimacy in your relationship.
Effects of a Sexless Marriage
You may be the spouse who hasn’t realized that when to walk away from a sexless marriage may be closer than you think.
May be you feel a low sexual interest towards your spouse and you are not seeing it as a matter of emergency.
A sexless marriage can have negative consequences on both spouses.
Effects of a Sexless Marriage on a Man
A lack of physical intimacy can lead to a decreased sense of self-worth and masculinity.
They may feel like they are not good enough for their wife and that they are not fulfilling their role as a husband.
And yes, it’s important that we all start to realize that feelings is one of the most important elements of life; even for a man.
This can cause a husband to withdraw from the relationship emotionally and even physically.
Effects of a Sexless Marriage on a Woman
A lack of physical intimacy can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation.
She may feel like her husband no longer finds her attractive and desirable.
This can cause her to lose interest in the underlying relationship (in many respects, more important than the marriage) and become more withdrawn.
It is often not best to just walk away from the marriage because there is more to learn from the crisis just because one partner doesn’t desire sex.
The Importance of Physical Intimacy in Marriage
One of the most important aspects of a healthy and happy marriage is physical intimacy.
When this is lacking, couples can quickly find themselves drifting apart.
Like we already mentioned, this may be due to a lack of desire, mismatched libidos, or other physical issues, but the end result is the same—a rift in the relationship.
Physical intimacy is not just about sex; it’s also about physical closeness, touch, and affection.
Couples who are physically intimate are more likely to feel connected to each other, and they are also more likely to have a stronger emotional bond.
And to stay on topic here, it significantly reduces the chances of ending up in a sexless marriage which is about 15-20% of marriages.
In fact, physical intimacy is often seen as a litmus test for the health of a relationship.
The Link Between Intimacy And A Coupe’s Sex Life
If you want a better sex life within marriage, focusing on physical sex may just work completely against that.
A Couple’s sex life is a function of many things including sex drives, the level of interest between you and your spouse presently and long term vibes.
A terrible couple’s sex life is usually the effect of complacency, resentments and nature.
As mentioned earlier, it can also be the effect of medical issues but that’s beyond the scope of this article.
The frequency of sexual intimacy between couples determines what most people use in gauging a healthy and active sex life.
An ideal sex life from our stand point requires a minimum of once a week and preferably 2-3 times per week.
Of course, there are exceptions to every rule but be sure that the exception agreeable to both parties.
It’s not enough to argue what makes an ideal and optimal sex life as an individual.
Ultimately, you need your spouse to feel satisfied in their own personal sex life as qualified in human being in a marriage.
Ideally, when to walk away from a sexless marriage is the moment either spouse feels like the other is so disconnected and selfish from their own emotional needs of love and connection.
How to Deal With a Sexless Marriage
If you are in a sexless marriage, it can be difficult to know what to do.
We have a few tips in addition to the fact that there are professionals such as sex therapist, coach and counselors that help make navigating things easier.
Sexual desire cannot be negotiated but it can be influenced with these short and few tips:
1. Talk to your partner about your concerns.
If you’re feeling unhappy in a sexless marriage, it might be time to talk to your spouse about it.
However, it’s important to approach the conversation in a constructive way. Here are a few tips:
– Don’t start by expressing how you feel.
Being honest and open about why you’re unhappy, and explaining that you want things to change may seem smart but it is anti-seductive.
instead, it’s better that you approach this from a stand point of searching for opportunities to add value.
Here is an example of how the conversation might go…
“Babe, you know how much I love an intimate time with you.
Is there anyway I can help to ease up your days and create more opportunities?”
Talk about the things that you can do to improve sexual desire.
Maybe there are certain activities or fantasies that you would be interested in trying.
– Make it clear that you’re not blaming your spouse for the problem.
Sexual desire is a complex issue, and it takes two people to create a healthy sexual relationship.
But the good news is that it take one to start the necessary dance.
That’s why we suggest approaching this from a stand point of seduction and not sex as a duty in a marriage.
– Be willing to compromise.
This works best if you’ve noticed being shut down in recent time; if the sexlessness has lasted much longer, consulting a sex therapist to help is not a bad idea.
2. Try to spice things up in the bedroom.
When it comes to marriage, there are a lot of things that need to be perfect in order for it to work.
One of the most important aspects of marriage is intimacy.
Intimacy is key to a healthy and happy marriage.
When intimacy starts to fade, it can be a sign that the marriage is in trouble.
If you’re in a sexless marriage, here are a few tips to help spice things up:
– Talk to your spouse about your needs and desires.
Communication is key in any relationship.
I take that back. There are too many people throwing the word “communication” around when it comes to relationships and marriages.
The Actual Key is Effective Communication.
And I am talking about effectiveness with respect to the context; the context here being the need to help a sexless marriage survive.
Most people think of communication as the act of talking; with respect to improving sexual desire and intimacy, listening must be involved in at least what you may consider as communication.
If you haven’t listened long and deep enough to understand why your spouse has been non-verbally communicating low interest in sex, attempting to express your own unhappiness may makes things worse.
– Experiment with new positions, fantasies, and activities.
This is useful if you are still about to make your way together to the bedroom occasionally.
It can help replace boredom and spice things up.
– Try reconnecting with your spouse on a more intimate level outside of the bedroom.
This will actually work a lot better than many of the other measures your natural instincts suggest.
As I earlier, your sex life is a function of so many activities and moments long before the bedroom.
If all else fails, consider seeking professional help such as sex therapist, counselor or marriage coach.
3. If things don’t improve, consider consulting with a sex therapist.
A sex therapist can help sexless marriages in a number of ways.
They can help to identify the root of the problem, and work with the couple to find a solution.
If one partner is not interested in sex, the therapist can help to explore the reasons for this and find ways to overcome any obstacles.
The therapist can also provide guidance on how to improve communication and intimacy in the relationship.
4. Don’t give up on your marriage.
When it comes to sexless marriages, there can be a lot of debate over whether or not to stay in the relationship.
Some people may say that you should always fight for your marriage, while others may say that if sex is not happening, then there is likely bigger problems in the relationship that need to be addressed.
From experience, we know it’s most likely the latter.
The truth is, there is no easy answer when it comes to deciding whether or not to stay in a sexless marriage.
However, it is important to remember that a sexless marriage does not have to mean a doomed marriage.
In fact, according to recent studies, sexless marriages are becoming more and more common due to the growth in alternative lifestyles; we don’t really cover that here.
But according to one study, nearly 20% of married couples are considered sexless.
So you are not alone.
In addition to that, it is important to know that common problems tend to have more than enough solutions.
Don’t give up on your marriage especially if that’s not what you want to do; avoid non-professional advices on the marriage matters.
Avoid advices from people who have worst case scenario experiences and people who tend to speak from published statistics when it comes to a marriage.
They tend to only help in projecting these experiences into your future personal life even when suggested issues may not even exist.
How to create a healthy sex life when in a sexless marriage
A lack of sex in a marriage can be very frustrating for both partners.
It’s important to figure out why the sex has stopped, and then work on fixing it.
If the lack of sex is due to an issue like mismatched libidos, there are things that you can do to increase the amount of sex that you have.
If the lack of sex is due to an unresolved conflict, then you’ll need to work on resolving the conflict before you can start having sex again.
Lack of effective communication, especially the part where a spouse feels heard can lead to lack of sex.
Not mastering the art of intimacy at a deeper level in your underlying relationship can also lead to lack of sex.
As I mentioned earlier, desire cannot be negotiated.
Nonetheless lack of sexual desire will eventually lead to lack of sex.
Desire however be created with influence and seduction which is a skill set within long term relationships and marriage.
Health and medical issues can also lead to lack of sex even in ways that are not necessarily obvious to either party.
Last but not least, lack of sex can be a result of stress and fatigue, so it is important to not forget about creating a lifestyle of fun.
If lack of sex is causing problems in your marriage, it’s important to address the issue head-on and not allow it to linger on.
Can a marriage survive without sexual intimacy?
A sexless marriage can be a difficult situation to deal with, but it is possible for the marriage to survive if the parties are on the same page.
It is highly unlikely in the hyper sexual society that we live in today; everywhere you look in the media, there are sexual content and motivation.
It is important to seek sex therapy to address the issue and find a way to regain sexual intimacy in the marriage.
One of the main things you can find in sex therapy is sex education.
Believe it or not, many people survived childhood without any form of sexual, attraction and seduction education ahead of marriage.
Sex therapy can help you learn about different sexual techniques, positions, and products that can help increase sexual interests in a romantic relationship.
Don’t let this issue linger to avoid your spouse from developing sexual interests outside of your marriage.
It’s also important to mention at this point that panic and anxiety will only make things worse.
FINALLY… The 17 Signs Of Walk Away From A Sexless Marriage?
Being in a marriage has its highs and lows and sometimes you can hit a stumbling block such as a sexless marriage.
A few moments of dryspell can happen and that is not unusual.
What can make it unusual is when that dry spell becomes permanent.
When intimacy is gone in a marriage, it can gradually lead to the death of a marriage.
So when do you know you are in a sexless marriage?
One survey says a sexless marriage is when a couple have sex once in a month.
But I believe this varies from people to people.
One Survey says that 1 in 5 couples are having a sexless marriage.
Did you know that the average married couple has sex 68.5 times a year which adds up to about once a week?
If you are sitting with your spouse and he is not engaging or responding to your conversations, you may start subconsciously learning how to disconnect.
It may seem like your spouse is just self-absorbed in whatever he is doing without ever asking how your day went; your spouse seems uninterested in you.
You all can become distant and start feeling neglected. This has led many to start fantasizing about life without each other.
You may even have found yourself sharing and enjoying conversations with others outside your marriage in an intimate way.
Obviously, one or both of you can effectively get comfortable with the reality of a sexless marriage and it all started with at least one person feeling lonely.
Consideration #5 – Toxic Relationship Issues
If you are not treating each other with kindness, every conversation is filled with sarcastic and rude remarks.
Likewise if at least one person is exercising controlling behaviours on the other, skyscrapers of resentments will be built.
And it is also not uncommon to accompany all of that with some disrespect to an extent where your sight repulses your partner or vice versa.
This type of negative behavior kills sex.
Who wants to have sex with someone who makes their skin crawl?
So Here are the 17 Signs of When to walk away from sexless marriage…
If your spouse is not interested in a way forward and doesn’t care that your needs are not being met, staying in that marriage may turn you into a bitter person.
All you both do now is argue.
You feel like your lack of sex is not even at the very least being compensated with a caring attitude. Instead, it’s filled with disrespect and insults. Some have even pushed themselves to the point of domestic violence.
So because you can’t imagine a happy life without sex, you may have even started indulging in inappropraite behaviours outside your marriage.
Sex has become a punishment tool for at least one of you.
And every time you do something wrong, your partner shuts down.
Your spouse has in fact told you severally that you are not wanted anymore and divorce is now being thrown in your face.
You have become depressed and uninterested in your purpose.
You can’t even get out of bed to do things you normally do and you feel drained.
You feel exhausted and burnt out.
You have become a raging jealous out-of-control monitoring spirit.
You find yourself tracking his or her every move.
You have his phone monitored.you follow him around.
You have lost your self respect. It’s time to move on and find yourself again.
Your spouse cheated on you and you resent him for it.
You dont to have sex with him but you want him to suffer. By the way, you are not making him suffer alone; you are killing yourself more.
If you are not open to counseling to help heal yourself, it’s time to let go and move on from this toxicity.