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INFIDELITY: Woman SET HUSBAND ON FIRE for Cheating! (When will MEN learn?)

First of all, this is a stupid question.  

According to Punch News, the man was deleted by his wife who set him ablaze after a conflict.

A family member of the victim said that the woman locked her husband up and set the house on fire over suspicion of an extra-marital affair.

That’s the story and particularly that’s all I need to know about the story.  The part where a whole human life was deleted.

Until… of course… internet trolls started running their mouths carelessly.

By the way… 

A quick shout out to my sister Bridget of Obodo Oyinbo TV where I was allowed to be a guest to discuss my personal observations and opinion of whether Red Pill-ed men are husband material or not.

I didn’t go there as an expert.  I went there as an observer of the red pill community with a personal opinion but also as a man who is blessed with results that many men desire.

To say the least, it was interesting.  Just go ahead and search for “Obodo Oyinbo TV” on YouTube and support her.  She is an extremely generous supporter of our platforms.

Back to this infidelity slash cheating slash human deletion story.  Crazy right?

I personally heard a significant number of women saying he deserved to be roasted  because he cheated on his lady. 

Can you imagine a person who talks like this creating any good romantic experience for themselves and others in this life?

Answer me in the comment area below….

Some men said women should prepare for the fact that all men will cheat.  Is that the solution to preventing these types of stories between lovers?

What exactly is the solution here without pretending that we don’t know that these people were once romantic lovers?

Most people having these conversations online continue to talk from their ass because they never acknowledge that these are or were romantic relationships where they never planned to end up in a terrible predicament.

They also never acknowledge how they could personally relate with these stories.  

I will be forced to wonder if you are a coward even if you are right that the internet is not a safe space to speak your mind.

What is it about infidelity and cheating that will make you say stupid things that doesn’t serve you or anyone listening?

To be clear again, that question “When will men learn?” is a stupid question.

Any question designed to ignite the epidemic of the digital gender war with or without good intentions and from men or women is a stupid question.

Gentlemen, endless subtle competition with women will always put you at a disadvantage.

Arguing with women with respect to romantic matters puts you below women; not equal but below.

I understand the over-reactive rhetoric against fake feminism a.k.a toxicity, but just like in a real life relationship, over-reaction are actions you are responsible for.

And like I said, it puts you at a disadvantage.

Gentlemen, you are indirectly subscribing to equality in romance, relationships and marriage when you engage endless arguments with women.  

It doesn’t work particularly because it discounts the complimentary strength in romantic relationships significantly.

How do you compliment each other if you are equal?  That already sounds stupid right?

It is true.  Two things can be true at the same time.  But I am looking at this from a place of mindset abundance and/or scarcity.  It’s just a question to ask yourself.

Here is an example of statements that tells me that you as a man will think of yourself as equal to your woman and effectively become a loser that she will potentially dump.  

And I quote…

“If you are going to judge a man based on his gender, you as a woman should expect the same thing from the men.”

Let me guess.  This is accountability right?  False.  

losing respect

This is just a man who talks too damn much.  This is a man who has already lost respect hence the cry out in the wrong direction for help.

I get it… Anyone, including women, could find that statement to be reasonable and harmless.  But it is harmful to your mindset.  

It is even more harmful for a man who talks like this from a place of ignorance, lack of experience and good intentions.

Good intentions are overrated.  

You need wisdom and humility because your lens, filters and outlook on life have dangerous limitations especially when it comes to romantic relationships and marriage.

Oh… it’s even worse if you are listening to Pick-Me women influencers encouraging you to hold your ground as a “MASCULINE STOIC” man.  It’s a set up.  That’s weak.

If you don’t believe me, marry one of them and I’m patient to discuss the outcome.

Masculinity with respect to romance and the human experience is rarely physical.  It’s energy.  Invisible energy for the most part.  And again, it’s not the woman’s responsibility to know that.

Let’s get back to the story.

The question “When will MEN learn?” was designed to leverage this terrible human deletion story to shame men who still believe in the family structure by way of the marriage institution into perpetual fear of women.

The shame is mostly coming from both men and women who have had terrible and traumatic experiences in romantic relationships.  

It’s “misery love company” syndrome at best.

I am sorry.  There are stupid questions.  

The outcome of asking such questions only perpetuates toxic rhetoric for those who may not be necessarily toxic but have real questions about love, relationships, marriage, cheating, infidelity etc.

Why is the question not… 

“When will we as humans learn better ways of navigating romantic relationships that we obviously want, evident by our action not by the product of intellectual diarrhea on social media?

This story is not as relevant to poly or monogamy practice as much as we are making it.  Those are practices by choice and not cowardice.  

It’s also not as relevant to infidelity, cheating or any other obvious bad habits or behavior as they are making it.

Humans have bad behavior.  Where is the surprise?  

Also why did what I just said sound like encouraging bad behavior to you? If that’s you, answer me in the comment area… but more importantly, answer the person in the mirror.

As for this story, that woman committed a capital crime.  What leads to it is irrelevant once we start talking about a matter of life and life deletion.

This woman, sadly like many people walking around, was probably a watermelon mentally… green on the outside and red inside.  

People are carrying a lot of toxic mental weight so you can agree that we should be aware that we can potentially offend the wrong people.  

That does not give anyone the right to delete another person’s life.  It just makes sense to be aware.

For you and I, it’s about knowing that anger is temporary insanity and you can create irreversible damages or at least self-sabotage.  

This is about mental health; not for the criminal (it’s too late for her) but for you and I.

As I was saying earlier, I heard men telling women to prepare for the fact that all men will cheat.

As a man, preparing women to enter marriage with the expectation that a man will cheat puts you at a much bigger disadvantage than just the effect of cheating; your bad behavior.  

Can’t you see?

She may be weak enough to enter that marriage in spite of the warning but she will be on the edge in the marriage… 

What enjoyment do you expect in a marriage where your woman is always on the edge, never feels safe and secure around you?

Instead of worrying about the nature or nurture of cheating and infidelity, you are better off putting that energy in preparing to create a safe space especially emotionally for your wife.

Ladies.. Yes we like to feel safe too.

Would You Tolerate A Cheater?

Would You Tolerate A Cheater?

I know that most people that spend a lot of time on conversations for or against cheating and infidelity are not cheaters; at least not chronic perpetual cheaters.

So at best, you are self sabotaging, talking so much about how you will never accept it or how you plan to tell women that you will cheat.  

By the way, when you tell her up front, that’s no longer considered cheating.

Your mouth will create an emotionally unsafe environment for your future marriage to thrive.

What I found interesting but not surprising during the whole discussion was the fact that no one talked about the emotional, psychological and mental state that could have created the story.

There was no shortage of empathy, sympathy, proclamation of what people will NEVER accept even though there is an obvious lack of experience to accurately assess that.

There was useless advice on what type of man and woman to run away from.  The problem is that these things are not written on the forehead.

A Major Reason Why Marriages Are Failing.

Failing Marriage

Most people entering marriage are not preparing for the inevitable crisis and conflict that will hit every marriage; and single life.

That’s even if you think the solution is to avoid marriage and long term relationships.

If you are going to still have sex, you will end up in the courts and become another traumatic cancer for the society.

By the way, they are conflicts because they often come from blind spots.  

If you say you will never accept a cheater, congrats.  That problem is solved.  The devil, however, knows not to come for you from a cheating standpoint.

Anyway, Instead of the typical nonsense from long-stroking influencers who are just in this to make money, I want to encourage you to prepare to maintain a healthy mental stability for the rest of your life. 

I want you to know that anyone is capable of losing their mind… particularly mentally… and especially people who tend to be obsessed with ideologies, faith, culture, religion with no wisdom around application and relationships.

You cannot control other people.  Stop trying.  You can only control yourself and then subsequently or hopefully influence the results you are looking for in life.

I don’t think a normal person will literally roast another person. I don’t think another human is capable of making another human commit such an act either. 

However we are all influencing ourselves directly and indirectly.  I think she became crazy, lost her mind and committed a capital crime.

For her, everything before the crime doesn’t matter.  She is done in this society.

Learn how to leave a toxic relationship before your tipping point is obvious… leave first… it doesn’t have to be a permanent decision.

If you can’t leave because of fear… that’s obviously a bigger problem; lack of self-respect, self-love, self-esteem, self-confidence.

Stop pouring from an empty cup.

35 Warning Signs Your Wife is Cheating ❤️

By the very fact that you are seeking this information, I would assume that you already have your suspicions about your wife cheating.

I am sorry that you are going through that.

It’s gotta be a painful place to find yourself and your marriage.

A part of me wants to suggest that you trust your instinct but another part wants me to warn you of the blurry or fine line between unhealthy insecurity and your suspicions.

Once you embark on these types of feelings about your wife’s level of faithfulness, it’s very hard to go back.

In essence, the mind is very delicate and it’s hard to resist the urge to find more information to confirm your suspicion once your inclination is already in that space.

WARNING! These 35 exhausted signs are not equivalent to absolute truth. 

If you treat it as such, you can potentially destroy your relationship with a good woman in the case where she had been innocent.

I would encourage you to find clarity between your suspicion and insecurities as you explore the possibilities that your wife is cheating on you.  

But they can also overlap or both can be true at the same time.

These 35 signs below are just that; signs.  

There are many times that any individual sign or even combination does not necessarily mean that your wife is cheating.

So be cautious with what you do with this information.

The pain associated with betrayal from a wife, partner or spouse is terrible and can seem unbearable.

But I assure you that whatever it is will make you stronger if and only if you don’t take her responsibilities with yours.

You are just as responsible because we are talking about a relationship but keep in mind that a choice is made for every time a person cheats.

If you play the blame game, it will result in feelings of guilt trip and your feelings just get hurt and worse.

What is Cheating in a Marriage?

PREVIOUS POST: Managing Unrealistic EXPECTATION in Relationships & Marriages ❤️

Cheating is beyond sexual activities. 

That just happens to be the most popular and considered to be the most hurtful by most people.

It means that your wife is involved in activities she wouldn’t want you to know about because, precisely, it will hurt your feelings if you find out.

If any one of the signs below becomes one of 18 other signs on the list, it would be possible indication that your wife is up to some bad behaviors.

However, any one sign as a stand alone can also have 1,000 other reasons outside of cheating or infidelity.

These are some signs that “may” indicate that your wife is cheating on you.

1, She Changed Her Passwords

There are, of course, many other reasons why your wife may have changed her passwords or passcodes for social media and smart devices.

If she is also involved in extra marital affairs, she would also want to cover her tracks on the various communication channels.

This is especially true if she had never password protected in the past or if she had always shared the information.

With that being said, privacy and a sense of individuality can be very healthy for your relationship with your wife as it can improve a sense of freedom.

2, She accuses you of cheating.

As humans, we tend to project our belief systems on others.

If your wife has never caught you in a cheating act of any type 

But somehow concludes at accusing you of cheating, there is a good chance that she is projecting her guilt on you as blame.

Guilt, blame and condemnation tend to work hand in hand and that’s usually against the idea of a healthy relationship.

If she’s engaged in cheating behavior, it’s only natural that she would believe other people are just like that. 

It’s a self-justification mechanism.

3, She removed your family name from her social media profiles.

If your wife changed her name to your family name when you got married and has recently changed her last name or surname on social media, 

That’s a red flag.

If you have been experiencing problems in your relationship with her in recent times, then this will probably not mean anything more than you already know.

But if it happened out of nowhere, the act in itself is already a form of rebellion and can be an indication that she is receiving unhealthy external attention.

4, She suddenly started going straight to the shower when she came home.

Even if your wife is only engaged in emotional affairs, she can feel dirty mentally.

So you can imagine if she’s getting physical with another man.  

This could mean anything or a one-of occasion and it definitely doesn’t mean much if she’s always done this.

But it can mean a whole lot, including cheating if it’s complete new behavior along with 17 other other signs.

5, She was diagnosed with STD

A sexually transmitted disease (STD) can also be transferred between very faithful couple 

…but  it can also be a sign of cheating if it correlates with 17 or more other signs.

6, She claims you are not making her happy

It is not your responsibility to make your wife happy; all you can do is love her.

But if you are married to a person who doesn’t know that, one of the first signs she may show if she is or about to cheat is…

…actually say it out that you no longer make her happy.

If she doesn’t know that making her happy is not your responsibility, she is weak and at least capable of cheating.

7, She doesn’t post pictures of you on social media anymore.

The keyword there is “anymore.”

If she has never posted you online in the past, bringing this up will attract negative and toxic energy into your relationship.

But if this is recent behavior, this is more of a sign that your wife is not proud of the relationship she has with you but can also represent a sign of your worst fears.

8, She avoids some restaurants

If you are taking your wife out and in recent times, you noticed that she is suddenly avoiding certain favorite restaurant,

That’s bad news… man.

She may have been hanging out at the same restaurant with a new boyfriend…

Maybe?  

Maybe she’s just discovered that she is allergic to these particular restaurants’ food.

9, She wants to try new sex moves

What kind of a faithful wife suddenly starts a desire for explicit sex stunts in the bedroom?

She is likely to have tried it with a possible new fling and wants to see if you are capable of making her stop wanting to see him.

This is another sign you probably should pay close attention to.

She couldn’t just be wanting to spice things up between the two of you right?

It must be that she’s just up to no good.

10, She calls you by another name in bed

TRENDING: Sexless Marriage ❤️ Does my Marriage Still Have a Chance⁉️

Wow… women can be cruel.  

If she called you another man’s name while giving it to her enough to be screaming, wouldn’t that mean she was thinking about the other guy at that moment?

But she could also just be actively trying to use role play or her movie crush to spice things up for you all in the bedroom.

Who knows?

11, She stays late at work 

Your wife may be staying extra late at work for many reasons including the reason she claims.

But what are the chances that she has been taking advantage of this excuse to cheat on you with a coworker?

It’s probably wise to ask her how her days go and use that opportunity to listen to sneaky hidden details.

12, She suddenly wants girls trip

There is nothing wrong with a girls trip for your wife but everything can go wrong at those girls trips right?

What types of friends want to remove a wife from her home for 3-5 days in a row?

Be careful here because restricting her may work against the goals you are trying to achieve.

13, Unusual expenses

If, in recent times, you’ve noticed unusual expenses on your wife’s personal bank account, ask yourself…

What were you looking for on her personal bank account?  

If these expenses have been made at a motel around the corner from her job, it is exactly what you think it is. 

Is it?

At least, you will end up reacting accordingly.

14, On toilet for longer periods with the phone

You’ve noticed that she has been hanging out a lot in the bathroom claiming to be pooping.

Maybe you can set up cameras in that bit*h and find out what she’s up to.

Or she could just be playing games on her phone… 

There are only 2.5 ways to find out.

15, She doesn’t say “I Love You” Anymore

This right here depends on if she used to and then suddenly has stopped.

Could it be that she is falling out of love with you? If that’s the case, she must surely be falling for the person she’s cheating with right?

Negative.

16, She consistently lies

Obviously a liar will steal; that’s what we learned as kids growing up in Africa.

Never mind white lies and the fact that most human beings do it every now and then.

Your wife is not most people, she is cheating on you if she lies consistently.

She is practicing for when she will need to lie to you about her secret boyfriend… that’s not making sense right?

17, Too many friends you’ve never met

What is she hiding her friends for?

She must be using these people who you don’t know to hide her bad cheating behaviors.

Or you get very jealous about the fact that she has a private life outside of you and that makes you get very defensive.

I am sure you have concluded that it must be the former.

18, She hugs up on doing the laundry

The clothes must be smelling of disgusting cheating activities in the dirty laundry.  

She probably doesn’t want you to detect it.

19, She treats you like a friend

You just found out that you have been friend-zoned in your own home by your own wife.

Energy is neither created nor destroyed; so where has she been channeling that energy?

To a secret boyfriend?

…or women can shut down if they don’t feel safe and secure?  

What do you think?

20, Hangs out longer in front of the mirror

I am sure you are wondering who she is trying to look good to impress when she has in fact walked around the house stank all these years.

21, She asks weird questions about cheating

That must mean she is either already cheating on you or at least considering it.

What are weird questions? 

Are they designed to reverse psychology the guilt back on you?

22, She is always angry around you

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

It couldn’t possibly be that she is simply not happy about the relationship.

The only reason in this world why she could be angry is that she is or wants to cheat on you.

23, She opened a different bank account

But why?  

Why can’t you just have one joint account as a married couple?  

It must be because she’s a cheater and she wants to make secret spendings.

Or everyone still needs a level of individuality?

24, She cheated before

“Once a cheater, always a cheater.” 

Ever heard that before?

If considered that people do grow from bad behavior, it creates a different angle for this conversation entirely… right?

25, She avoids your friends

It could be that your friends have already caught her in the midst of bad behavior and she’s avoiding them.

She could also outrightly not like your friends and can’t stand being around them.

26, Drastic change in Sexual Desires

If she suddenly gets turned off from being intimate with you, she must be channeling that to a secret boyfriend.

On the flip side, if she suddenly wants to start having sex like rabbits, she must be learning from somewhere… a secret boyfriend?

27, She removed her relationship status from social media

Of course, she did.

She wouldn’t want her secret fling to get jealous of the type of love you are showing her at home.

28, She attempts to spend important holidays without you

She is in love with a secret boyfriend so she’d rather spend valentine’s with the person she is in love with.

Don’t forget that she still loves you at least; she is just not in love with you any longer.

29, She gains sudden desire to go to the gym

Why must she look good and fit suddenly after all this time that she hasn’t cared to look good for you? 

She must be up to no good.

She could also be finding and discovering her better self by investing in some fitness effort.

30, Replies your text messages in one-word

A woman who is in love with you tends to want to share everything with you even when they are not the talker in the relationship.

So if she just responds with one-word answers, you may find yourself wondering what she is up to with the rest of the time.

A secret boyfriend? Maybe?

31, She references friends you’ve never met

The real question is why won’t she just bring or invite them around for you to meet?

As a married person, do you really need to keep a separate life outside your marriage or spouse?

32, Her phone is always silent

If her phone rang out loud every time she receives those evil texts, how would she keep it a secret?  

That can ruin the excitement she gets from her secret affairs.

So it makes sense that she would silence the phone so that you won’t randomly pick up and find out the obvious.

33, She claims to be too busy to talk on the phone when she is at work

This is similar to the one-word text replies.

What happened to the good ol’ days when she couldn’t wait to talk to you on the phone?

Clearly all that energy could be going somewhere inappropriate.

34, She asked you for space

What does a married woman need space for?

Married women are supposed to be virtuous women of God and never get tired or too lazy to carry the emotional weight of a marriage.

After-all, she is a supper woman.

35, She takes every opportunity to not be around you

She hates you now; she is cheating.

Conclusion 

Syke… lol

If you are in a state of reviewing this and actually find it as prophetic as opposed to the sarcastic piece that it is, you deserve a wife who is cheating on you.

There is a good chance that you have enabled her bad behaviors if in fact, she is cheating… 

She may not be cheating at all; but she obviously is not in love with you.

You should focus on learning these terrible insecurity you have just displayed here 

…and build yourself because you are about to push your wife away forever with your fear.

In life, you attract what you fear the most.

On the flip side, if you have paid attention to none or just a few of these 35 (many times just normal) behaviors, congratulations as you have a better chance of working on and getting your marriage back.

Don’t worry about blank suspicions and signs that are obviously not backed by facts. Focus on attracting her back in love with you.

A woman who is in love does not leave, and damn sure has no room for affection physically or emotionally with another person.

If you want more of this, go to LOLAandOLA.com

And go download the book GET MY MARRIAGE BACK

Absolutely FREE!

If you are interested in a coaching session, just go under the product page at LOLAandOLA.com and I’ll see you at the top.

Frequently Asked Question [FAQ]

There are 35 signs we have identified but there is no single one that can be a good indicator. You will need at least 18 of the warning signs here to call a red flag.

If you suspect that your wife is cheating, you need to seek counseling and find out why you would attract a cheater as a wife before doing anything else.

It sounds like you have not caught her red-handed which means there is a good chance that you are showcasing insecurity. If you are so sure, refocus back on finding out why you would be attracting a cheater as a wife.

5 Tricks to Fix Your Marriage ❤️

Want to know how to fix your marriage using 5 simple tricks that work 100% of the time?

You see people, including your spouse, are predictable.

That is to say you too can learn a few tricks to attract the love you deserve and desire.

I have to assume that you are experiencing a crisis in your marriage now and that must feel terrible to live in that kind of misery.

Your spouse has probably shut down and is using these moments to emotional abuse you and your marriage.

Use these 5 simple tricks to turn all that around and fix your marriage.

How to Fix Your Marriage Using 5 Simple Tricks

(1) Relax

Rejection breeds obsession.

So the feeling of rejection that you are experiencing at the moment will naturally give you the illusion that the world is about to end.

You and I know that it couldn’t be further from the truth.

So the first step is for you to take back the control of your emotion

And keep in mind and prepare that more triggers will show up temporarily to make you lose it.

Be determined to stay in control.

Here is good book to read as you do…

(2) Listen & Give

This is a marriage and you should always only go into relationships to give; not give and take.

The very act of complaining shows that you are in the taking mode and as you can see, it’s working against you.

Sure it’s not easy to “give” to a person who is not giving love back to you but I am not asking you to give love.

But you need to find opportunities to give.

So you have to listen effectively in order to determine what will be received when you give.

For example, if a spouse is shut down, they are asking for space and that’s an opportunity to “give” some space.

Here is another article: Marriage Separation Advice

In fact, I would argue that you also need that space to regain back your emotional control and escape potential emotional abuse.

Remember.. No one can abuse you emotionally unless you allow it.

Focusing on giving has a direct correlation with fixing your marriage successfully but it must accompany a generous level of patience.

How much you give has a lagging and not a leading indication in your marriage.

(3) Avoid Predictable Reactions

You are responsible for your actions and your reactions are your actions.

Essentially, you don’t get to say “he or she made me do it.”

You are an adult and…

Therefore you are responsible for your actions even when you are not willing to take responsibility.

But you are in a better position of control when you take responsibility without confusing it with guilt and/or self-blame.

When a spouse shuts down, it tends to create triggers for overreaction in many aspects.

So one of the tricks you can use to fix your marriage is to identify scenarios where you would normally overreact and simply do the opposite.

This trick is not a one size fits all.

If you are normally dormant in reacting, then you should gain courage and speak up using words.

But say what you want to say once and leave it there. Arguments will create an undesirable effect.

The idea of this trick is to not be predictable; being predictable kill attraction.

If you can successfully make your spouse wonder why you act the way you act, it will build attraction and with patience, you will fix the marriage.

(4) Detach from Feelings

You are probably feeling like your spouse is no longer in love with you right?

Well first of all, know that feelings are temporary in nature and tend to exaggerate the reality of what’s going on.

So start with how you feel… you are probably exaggerating naturally.

And if you are not exaggerating, your spouse has probably expressed that feeling in words. “I am not in love.”

The in-love is a feeling and it reflects hurt; that’s okay because that can be fixed.

In-love is not love… that’s just butterflies.

And you can probably figure why he or she feels that way at the moment; it’s temporary if you use trick #3… RELAX.

It is better to not get attached to how you feel and your spouses’ expression of how they feel.

Instead, focus on creating a new alternate experience and be patient because it will create a lagging indication and not a leading indication.

That means you will see moments that feel like your effort is not reflecting but that’s a feeling; focus on giving.

But don’t forget to give to yourself too.

(5) Avoid Approval Seeking Behaviors

Some are very quick to apologize but there is a problem with that.

There is blurry line between:

  • Apologies
  • Seeking Approval and
  • Manipulation

These, including apology itself, are not attractive behaviors and it is better in a marriage and relationships to focus on changed behavior.

Changed behavior is the best apology and it’s also attractive as it makes you less predictable in the eyes of your spouse.

You should only apologize once if you feel you should and only if your spouse specifically asks for it.

Think about it, if you have to apologize over and over, you are probably not going to get a different result that you desire with doing the same thing over and over.

In general, avoid approval seeking behavior as it indicates lack confidence and that’s very unattractive at subconscious levels.

BONUS TRICK: Patience

You are not meeting your spouse for the first time so fixing your marriage will be a process.

But it’s worth it because of the level of personal growth that comes with giving over and over when it seems like you won’t receive.

It’s worth the process and your marriage will last that much longer.

Below is a question for us to address with this lesson…

“I need help.

I have a wife and she doesn’t talk to me near her mom and dad.

She says she is shy but sometimes she talks to me and sometimes she doesn’t.

Only sometimes she doesn’t talk to other guys but I don’t know if she loves me.

She says she does but I don’t believe it.”

Enjoy the video.

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What is Infidelity ❤️ Does it Make Marriage a Mistake⁉️

What is infidelity? In a marriage…

When one party engages in intimate relationships with a person outside of the marriage.

Some call it cheating… some call it an affair, and others call it Infidelity.

Study shows some statistics below… How common is infidelity?

  • 20% of men reported that they cheated sexually
  • 13% of women reported that they cheated sexually
  • 16% of ALL ADULTS reported that they cheated sexually

But under age 30, the numbers are different.

  • 10% of men under 30 reported that they cheated sexually
  • 11% of women under 30 reported that they cheated sexually

General Social Survey 2010–2016 by the National Opinion Research Council – University of Chicago

via PsychologyToday.com

Keep in mind that these are just the reported; a whole lot more will take that secret to their graves.

What is Infidelity in a Marriage? DEADLY

But what I can tell you is that betrayal is human characteristic…

And you should have proper expectations of humans when you marry one.

It is important to NOT lead into marriage with

….the daily fear of cheating, affairs, or infidelity.

That won’t help you.

This is one of those aspects of a marriage where you need God or whatever helps you maintain divine peace.

In addition, an affair can either be physical or emotional; and off course it can be a hybrid of both.

Whether infidelity represents the end of or deal breaker in a marriage is not a rule anywhere.

It completely depends on the parties and the uniqueness of their relationship and the underlying friendship.

Below is a question for us to address matters of infidelity in a marriage once and for all…

“I need to stop being negative and nagging.

I need to learn to listen to him and respect him.

He’s talking about this marriage might be a mistake; I need lots of prayer.”

Just keep in mind that respect, trust and submission are earned.

Enjoy the video.

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Before we dive into more details about infidelity…

Let’s answer the question as it will help with fundamentals.

In order to survive a crisis in any type of relationships

(especially a marriage), you can’t afford to undermine the power of an overall positive attitude.

Therefore if you are dealing with a negative and/or shutdown spouse, it will take a tremendous emotional energy to maintain your cool.

As I said earlier, respect is earned.

Just as trust and submission, all these actions are driven in a marriage as effects and not a cause.

Sure you can deliberately initiate them.

But it will eventually drain you emotionally if you are not aware of the underlying attraction level that initially brought you and you spouse together.

That is to say, if you are not presently attracted to your husband, it won’t last much long if you force yourself to respect him.

So in the long run, you need to address the cause of the low attraction level.

You have to also respect and love yourself enough to attract the type of love you deserve from your spouse.

It is natural for couples to go through this over time as complacency kicks in.

So I am saying that it is natural to take each other for granted over-time.

Is your marriage a mistake?

There is no relationship that is a mistake and here is why.

Every relationship you engage in your life must be regarded as an opportunity to grow.

It’s part of the interpretations you must add to your efforts of positive attitude.

Because that energy will drive a lot more other actions that will drive your spouse to do right by you.

Subsequently, it will propagate energy that will attract the types of relationship and may be another marriage that will serve you.

Can we agree that the marriage you have right now is bad especially if infidelity is involved?

Therefore it’s time to build a brand-new marriage with or without the same and present spouse.

That attitude gives you your best chance of attracting your present spouse to do right by you if that’s in fact what you want.

Effectively, if you lead with the attitude that it “MUST” be the same spouse,

Your desperate energy will push him or her away further.

Sure we all need prayer.

The scripture says….

“Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.”

James 2:17 New King James Version (NKJV)

The Real Meaning of Infidelity

The truth of the matter is that infidelity is involved whenever a promise is broken in your marriage.

It doesn’t have to be sexual in nature.

Therefore, any type of promise that was made in your vows no matter how little is seems will result in infidelity.

What is the difference between infidelity and adultery?

Adultery is more specific of a way to describe sexual related betrayal in a marriage.

But it’s an effect.

In order to fix adultery as one of the many types of infidelity, we have to go deeper into causes; Root Cause Analysis.

Of course it’s easier to point the most fingers at the person who engaged sexually with another outside of the marriage.

Most of the infidelity that happens in marriages has nothing to do with sexual behaviors.

However all of the different types of infidelities create resentments and complacency over-time.

For example, if you promised to be there for richer or poorer…

But then catch attitude last week because he was broke financially, that’s a form of infidelity.

In addition, catching negative attitude in the midst of any crisis does not solve it; it expands the emotional effect of it.

So, you’d agree that marriage has probably been infected with infidelity and needs work right?

I am by no means telling you that cheating or having an affair outside of the marriage is any easier to deal with.

All I am saying is that those types tend to be the most obvious to judge people with.

It’s very important that you use that to adjust your perspective in order to attract the love and marriage that you deserve.

Judgment, guilt, and blame will harm you, your relationships and especially any children involved.

Therefore you have to rise above the obvious emotions such anger, resentments, rage that you will naturally feel…

If you are on the receiving end of an infidelity.

That’s going to take work, but it’s doable and it’s your best shot at attracting happiness again.

So should you Stay in the Marriage After Infidelity?

It depends on your particular relationship.

If it’s taking you more than 3 months to at least forgive, you probably should consider separation first.

Because it’s not helpful for any of the parties for the other to live in mystery.

Time apart may just be what you need to appreciate life, the marriage or both again.

That same time apart may help a perpetual adulterer make a decision to nurture what they value…

And have clarity of where he or she belongs (with you or someone else).

Having out in that dark spot for longer than 3 month tends to create more and more emotional damage in you, your spouse and even any children that may be involved.

But marriage is usually not easy to just throw away.

If it was easy, you probably would not have that question.

Ask yourself this question however…

Are you running from your problems obviously entangled up in infidelity right now?

As I have said, the problem is deeper than the effects

Of which some of them are cheating, affairs and infidelity.

Minimum of 50% of this (though not your fault) is your problem.

So if your quick solution is to leave the marriage, you will effectively take 50% of the problem with you.

Hence why 76% of marriages to divorces ends in about 2 years according to many studies.

It will help you ensure that you work on yourself before concluding that leaving is the solution.


How to Practically Rebuild Trust Even After Infidelity

When you first met your spouse, it was natural to trust because attractions high.

It’s easy to be in love and trust a person that you truly don’t know.

The reality is that you couldn’t possible love them though.

That trust was fake in essence.

Now that you are dealing with the after effects and emotions from infidelity, the real work is needed.

Anything that’s worthwhile in life will take work.

It was never practical to trust another human at the level that we do in a marriage.

That’s why I always say, people that say ‘I do’ don’t know what they are doing.

It doesn’t even matter how much pre-marital counseling you have before, you simply couldn’t comprehend what you were about to do.

So I get it

Trust can be hard to rebuild once it has been breached by a spouse but it’s do able.

But, I have to tell.

Holding your marriage and specially your happiness hostage because of trust issues will not help you.

Here are some scriptures that warned you about trust and its application to infidelity recovery…

It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.

Psalm 118:8 ESV

Thus says the Lord: “Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the Lord.

Jeremiah 17:5 ESV

You are not even supposed to trust yourself; much less another person.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV

Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered.

Proverbs 28:26 ESV

Listen…

It’s natural for you to feel hurt and wallow in the mystery of it for a while.

But it’s time for you to realize that you deserve happiness and take the bulls by the horn.

How?

Leave all your trust issues in the hands of God and start living.

That’s easier said than done but hearing it or reading it from me might as well be the first step in the right direction.

Infidelity can be emotional and even more painful.

Is an adulterer always an adulterer?

You’ve heard the saying, “once a cheater always a cheater.”

That’s absolutely an impossible lie.

It’s a lie that can hold you hostage even long after your spouse has repented due to…

A larger purpose than the seduction and excitement they may have derived from their past transgression.

Here is a quick 2 step-solution to that.

  1. Do the work that will attract him or her to re-commit back into a brand-new marriage with you.
  2. Let go and forgive yourself for attracting the old marriage.
  3. Enjoy your new marriage one day at a time.

As you can see, none of the step has anything to do with putting the focus on fixing your spouse.

The work must be done from the inside to attract what you want on the outside.

What is the main reason for infidelity?

Of course in the long term, loyalty will benefit and create joy as opposed to short-term excitement.

But People cheat mainly for a lack of a larger purpose than the pleasure and excitement of secrecy.

It’s a choice but it’s also a choice that most humans are never too holy to make.

Most people just need the right circumstances to align to find themselves choosing pleasure over loyalty in the short term.

10+ Causes of Infidelity

Circumstances can include but not limited to:

  1. Not receiving enough attention from the significant other,
  2. Inappropriate engagement with friendly acquaintances,
  3. Low self esteem
  4. Immaturity
  5. Background and childhood trauma
  6. Belief system
  7. Low attraction
  8. Unmatched libido level
  9. Retaliation for past transgression

(10) 12…Principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

Ephesians 6:12, King James Version

But it’s never your fault when your significant other makes a choice to have an affair.

However you may have helped create one of the circumstances that align the opportunity for short-term human excitement.

They could have also chosen to rise above.

But judgment, blame, and guilt or self-guilt won’t help.

It’s time to understand “WHY” at a deeper level and attract an infidelity free brand new marriage.

The best chances of a lifetime joy is with a repented spouse because you are now both equipped with knowledge

Which becomes power when you both apply to a daily loving marriage for the rest of your lives.

Treat it on a daily basis…

Because obsession with the past and tomorrow will drown your relationships and especially your marriage.

Marriage counseling can help a great deal with communication skills… but check out the success statistics of marriage counseling here

If friendship with an opposite sex that you are personally friends with, an ex or a blast from the past is involved,

Respect yourself by allowing your spouse to go and sort that out before starting your brand-new marriage with them.

No one with healthily give you what you can’t give yourself.

Therefore if you can’t love and respect yourself, your spouse can’t love and respect you.

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