Question: “Can PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE Husbands CHANGE?” – 7 tips
There are 7 tips that I want to give you that will help you answer that question.
Tip #1: There is no such thing as absolute in relationships.
There’s no such thing as absolute in human behavior.
What I mean by that is the idea that
“hey, once a cheater, always a cheater”,
“once an abusive person, always an abusive person”,
“once controlling, always controlling”, there’s no such thing.
You know why?
Because people evolve, people grow up, and by the way, the opposite can be true as well.
They can get worse with time if people don’t work on themselves.
Just like people can get worse with time, people can also get better.
Anyone you’ve ever known that’s enjoying a good marriage, a good relationship,
…they’ve been through some things that maybe represent the worst of them in the past.
It may look good right now, but they’ve been to something worse.
So you don’t wanna be in that position where you say “once a cheater, always a cheater”.
However, when people are showing their behavior to you right now, you do want to believe them but that’s just right now.
You also want to keep an open mind always when it comes to relationships.
Tip #2: Change follow pain and pleasure.
So if people are gonna change, if they’re gonna change behavior or habit, there has to be a big purpose behind it.
Sometimes that purpose is represented as a form of pain or some kind of pleasure that’s bigger than whatever benefits they get from the wrong behavior.
Just think of it like this, people change based on consequences.
If there’s a consequence for their behavior, there’s a good chance that would change, especially as a function of time and patience.
But if there’s no consequences, there’s a good chance that they will keep doing the same thing because they obviously get some kind of benefit from behaving that way.
So if that benefit keeps coming and it outweighs the risk, then they will continue that same behavior.
Tip #3: Lasting change is a process; It takes time.
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If you’re upset with your husband or with your wife, and you feel like, “Hey, they’re abusive” or anything like that,
It’s going to take a process, it’s going to take time.
Even if they’ve decided.
It’s a decision, it starts with the decision, right?
Even if they’ve decided to change, you have to keep an open mind and understand that it’s gonna be a process.
And you do everything in your part to help them move in the direction of the changed behavior.
Tip #4: People do experience growth and evolve.
I think I said that earlier, as part of tip #1.
There is no such thing as absolute people.
Tip #4 People do experience growth and evolve because their outlook on life is changing.
The more experience they gain, the more they see the advantages of going in the direction of a changed behavior.
Especially with respect to a healthy relationship and a marriage.
Tip #5: Old habits do die hard.
This is basically a kind of part of tip #3, when I say it’s gotta be a function of a process, time and patience, old habits will take time.
For average habits, even simple habits take up to 90 days of intense work of consistency before that person can say, “You know what, this new behavior is becoming a second nature to me”.
So if somebody has been behaving badly, they’re showing some behavior like, for example,
Physical abuse.
And they are capable of abusing a person physically, that’s gonna take work for them to change.
It may take some kind of rehabilitation for them to change.
So don’t sit there and risk your life and hoping they will change.
No, excuse yourself.
Physically speaking, you have to remove yourself physically and still keep an open mind that they may change.
But you really need to watch closely and see that they’re working on themselves and, in fact, that they’re changing,
…because people don’t just become physically abused.
They’ve been abusive emotionally, verbally before it escalates, and you can see if they’re changing.
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Let’s say, for example, you have kids with them.
They’re changing.
There’s change in their demeanor, in their mannerisms, how they show up, how they carry themselves.
You can see the changes before you start building trust again,
…but I will say absolutely for your own safety from a physical standpoint, make sure you remove yourself physically and don’t count on,
That they would change like instantly tomorrow.
It’s a bad idea.
Now there’s a reason why I’m sharing these steps with you.
There’s actually a video that went viral from a lady who shot a video.
She got slapped.
There’s a big red plant of hand on her face by her husband.
She got beat up by the husband, and it was such a sad video that you could see the babies in the background saying, “I’m sorry, mommy” and things like that.
But within a day or two, like literally less than 48 hours, the governor of the state “reconcile” both of them and then they’re back together.
That’s a terrible behavior on the governor’s part.
There is no way somebody who is capable of physically abusing another human being can change in 48 hours,
…without making sure they plugged them in on proper rehabilitation and making sure that they take time apart in order to come back together.
If there is a chance of ever coming back together.
They need to separate first.
It’s going to be a function of time, process and patience.
And it’s not possible that he could change within 24 to 48 hours.
That’s where this lesson is actually coming from.
Tip #6: Change starts with acknowledgement.
If a person is saying,“Hey, you know, I don’t think I was abusive”,
…then they haven’t changed.
Acknowledging is a nice place to start from, but that’s not the work.
“Yes, I was wrong“.
It’s a nice place to start from, but that’s not the work.
The work has to be done.
Tip #7: Change starts with self help.
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So self help, again is a function of time.
It’s a process.
At least 90 days of consistent, intensive work on what are behind the scene things that happen mentally,
…that will make a man raise their hands and assault another human being.
How much more, we’re talking about the wife?
So it takes time, patience and process if anybody is going to change.
But is it possible to change?
Yes, absolutely.
The only absolute here is yes.
They can change, but there’s a keyword, “can change”.
There’s also the odds against that person that they may not change, because again, old habits do die hard.
That’s tip #5.
So if it’s a behavior, if it’s a habit, if they don’t do the work on themselves,
A lot of people, a significant percentage of people never do the work.
That’s why it feels like they never change.
But it is possible to change if they actually go through the work.
And that’s just life.
can physically abusive husbands change