In this lesson, you will discover 3 things from a marriage retreat that can break you further apart from your spouse.
While marriage retreat can really help to revive your marriage with the first 6 things that I want to share with you first,
it is very important to note that it can create worse marriage conditions.
This lesson is especially for you if you feel that your marriage is potentially in crisis
and you are wondering if a marriage retreat can help rekindle things.
But first…
How Much Does A Couples Retreat Cost?
Some few years back, our Church youth ministry decided that it was time to put together a marriage retreat for young couples.
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At that time, we had just started this platform where we are sharing some really unique
and unconventional perspectives to building a strong marriage.
We knew that there was probably nothing new we would learn at the retreat
so we added some humility with a desire to network and we registered for it.
The cost was $300 per couple.
It was way cheaper than many of these marriage retreat packages out here that can range from $3,000 to $5,000.
Even at that cost, I don’t think that is as expensive as a broken marriage; so be aware of some perspective there.
So from that marriage retreat experience, we ended up learning 9 things we think you should know before planning to go to one.
Let’s dive right in…
Thing #9 – Lectures & Sermon Preaching
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So there will usually be a keynote speaker who will usually be a Pastor if the event is organized by a church.
In our opinion, this segment for the marriage retreat will probably be the least valuable for your marriage, and here is why.
The speaker would normally have their (not necessarily wrong) ideologies that either one of you as a couple will gravitate towards while the other may not be able to relate.
You will hear more generalized ideologies and beliefs more so than anything that addresses your unique situation.
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Thing #8 – One Weekend Is Not Enough
Just as you should be aware of how realistic or unrealistic your expectations can be with respect to your partner, don’t expect a marriage retreat weekend to fix your marriage right away.
However, it can be powerful enough to trigger your marriage towards that direction even if it’s only one of you who is in the right space of mind.
Thing #7 – Role Play Exercises
Avoid marriage retreats that don’t involve some type of role-playing exercises because it is one of the most valuable parts of the experience especially for a couple in crisis.
When it comes to relationships, people can know 110% of the right things to do from a theoretical standpoint and fail woefully when things are playing out in real life.
This segment is great for weeding out the hidden principalities that your marriage is up against when you interact with your partner.
Thing #6 – Attraction, Intimacy & Sex
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A marriage retreat event where they don’t discuss this topic in detail and as vulgarly as possible is probably not going to help your marriage.
Sure you can regurgitate the same ‘ol advice such as love each other, go on weekly dates, learn the 5 love languages.
But many of the issues that couples deal with when it comes to lowered attraction, interest, seduction, intimacy, and sexlessness will remain unfixed without hitting the nail on the head.
Thing #5 – Q & A’s
Questions and answers segment is the most valuable part of a marriage retreat in our opinion because it creates at least a 2-way dialogue and conversation.
But depending on how much the couples in attendance feel safe, they will have questions particularly if the lecture or preaching session had an adequate impact.
When a speaker delivers pure preaching from any remotely judgemental standpoint, the attendees will not feel safe to ask quality questions because they don’t want to be judged.
If no one is asking questions, the next segment now becomes more important as it will help instigate a valuable dialogue.
Thing #4 – Case Studies & Discussions
This is a segment where a good speaker would present illustrations, stories, and real-life examples of other couples who failed and succeeded at navigating marriage.
As much as we like to point out how different and unique every marriage is…
And emphasize on why no 2 marriages should ever be compared to each other, there are predictable patterns across the board that we can all learn from.
So introducing other stories will help attendees find different hiccups they can relate with in order to learn certain moves and actions to embrace or avoid.
3 Deadly Things To Avoid With Marriage Retreats
We just discussed the 6 different segments of a quality marriage retreat to look forward to if you decide to enroll in one.
Here are the last 3 things from a marriage retreat that can break your marriage further apart; learn them so you can avoid them.
Thing #3 – Absolutes & Extremes
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These 2 elements are the major enemies of relationships and especially marriage.
What many people tend to do is go to a marriage retreat and gather absolute and extreme ideologies they can use to manipulate their partner.
These ideologies usually start with “Married couples should…”, “A husband should…”, “A Wife should…” or “A real man should”.
These are double-edge swords with a minimum of 2 perspectives. “Shoulds” are not always your reality.
So, you are better off replacing them with finding the unique things you and your partner have in common and embracing differences that can help you complement each other.
Thing #2 – Duplication & Multiplication
Marriage retreat will tend to duplicate and multiply what your relationship already is if you do not leverage it to find out where you as an individual are contributing to what it already is.
Let’s break that down.
If your underlying relationship is trash, a marriage retreat has a way of making it more trash because of the heavy vibe of generalization at such events.
Thing #1 – Resentment From Comparison
When you are among so many other couples who may not be in any crisis like yours, it’s easy to start feeling like the grass may be greener on the other side.
This is especially true when your marriage is already in crisis.
It’s only natural in that space to start comparing your situation to other people’s situation who may just look better on the outside only.
Effectively, you start resenting your partner even more.
So be sure to engage in proper therapy, counseling, and coaching before exposing your marriage to so much energy that you do not understand; Just another thing to beware of.
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