The stages of divorce grief are similar to the stages of grief that occur when someone dies.
The stages are shock and disbelief, pain and sorrow, anger and resentment, bargaining and guilt, and acceptance and hope. The order in which the stages occur may vary from person to person.
Some people may skip some of the stages or move through them more quickly than others.
It is important to allow yourself to grieve the loss of your marriage and not try to rush through the process.
1. Shock and disbelief: This is often the first stage after learning that your divorce is final. You may feel numb, have difficulty processing what has happened, and experience many other emotions, including sadness, anger, fear, and relief.
2. Pain and sorrow: As the reality of your divorce sets in, you will likely experience deep feelings of loss and grief.
You may find yourself crying often, feeling depressed, and struggling to cope with the changes in your life.
3. Anger and resentment: It is common to feel a range of negative emotions during this stage, including anger, bitterness, resentment, and frustration. You may lash out at your former spouse, friends, and family members.
4. Bargaining and guilt: During this stage, you may find yourself trying to negotiate with your former spouse or hoping for a reconciliation. You may also feel guilty about the divorce and blame yourself for the situation.
5. Acceptance and hope: In this final stage, you accept that the divorce is final and begin to move on with your life.
You may still feel sad and miss your former spouse, but you are able to start rebuilding your life. You may also feel hopeful about the future and find new meaning in your life.
Tips on Coping with Separation and Divorce
1. Recognize That Your Marriage Is Over: This can be difficult to accept, but it is an important step in the grieving process. Once you come to terms with the fact that your marriage is over, you can begin to move on.
2. Be Patient — Grief Takes Time: The stages of grief do not always happen in a linear fashion. You may move back and forth between stages or even skip some altogether.
3. Surround Yourself With People Who Support You — And Let Them Help: It can be helpful to talk to friends and family members who have gone through a divorce. They can offer guidance and support.
4. Practice Excellent Self-Care: During this difficult time, it is important to take care of yourself both physically and emotionally. Make sure to eat healthy foods, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly.
5. Feel Your Feelings: It is normal to feel a range of emotions after your divorce. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of your marriage.
6. Find Out What’s There Besides Anger, Sadness, And Fear: As you move through the grieving process, you may find that you have new insights about yourself and your life. Allow yourself to explore these new perspectives.
7. Timebox Your Grief: Set aside specific times each day to grieve the loss of your marriage. This can help you to avoid becoming overwhelmed by your emotions.
8. Don’t Hide Your Divorce Grief From Your Kids (But Don’t Freak Them Out, Either)
It is important, to be honest with your children about your divorce. However, you should avoid sharing too much information or putting them in the middle of the situation.
9. Write It Out, Work It Out, Or Just plain Talk It Out: Journaling, therapy, and talking to friends and family members can all be helpful ways to cope with your divorce.
10. Stop Blaming Your Ex and Start Forgiving Them (and Yourself) One of the most important things you can do for yourself is to let go of any resentment and blame you may feel. This can be difficult, but it is an essential part of healing.
11. Remember: You Will Still Be a Part of Your Kid’s Life Even After Divorce Although your family may be changing, you will still be an important part of your children’s lives. Try to maintain a positive relationship with your former spouse for the sake of your kids.
12. Consider Professional Help Many people find it helpful to seek out professional help during the divorce process. A therapist can provide support and guidance as you navigate this difficult time.
If you are facing divorce, it is important to understand the grieving process. By recognizing the stages of grief, you can better prepare yourself for the journey ahead.
Remember, every divorce is unique and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. If you find yourself struggling, don’t hesitate to seek out professional help. With time and patience, you will eventually reach the acceptance and hope stage.
Don’t Suppress Your Feelings While Grieving
Everyone is different and everyone can experience each one of these stages very differently. Allowing yourself the freedom to grieve during a divorce doesn’t make you weak. In fact, it can actually make you stronger. If you try to bottle up your emotions, they may eventually come out in destructive ways. It’s okay to cry, be angry, and feel sad. These are all normal reactions to loss.
Divorce is a process, not an event. Just as there is no one right way to grieve the death of a loved one, there is no one right way to grieve the loss of a marriage. Allow yourself the time and space to experience all the emotions that come with this major life change. Seek out support from friends and family members, or consider professional help if you need it. With time and patience, you will eventually reach the acceptance and hope stage.
Coping With the Hard Feelings
Coping with grief during a divorce is exceedingly difficult. Feeling all the emotions mentioned in each stage during the process of divorce is common and necessary for moving forward. It is important to surround yourself with people that love you and support you to help you through this painful time. If you are feeling lost, consider professional counseling to help you regain a sense of self and hope for the future.
Ladies, few things in life feel worse than the nagging suspicion that your husband is cheating on you………other than to find out that’s actually the case.
There are a ton of little telltale signs that you may be able to spot that will start your womanly radar ticking.
Some of your man’s actions may end up being innocent enough, but at other times, where there’s smoke, there could be infidelity fire.
Cheating can be in the mind only, purely emotional, or physical, or a combination of all three.
Just like every marriage is different, so too is every case of cheating.
We won’t quote statistics, but studies show that a lot of men (and women for that matter) do contemplate cheating in some way at some point. It’s one way to explain why the nation’s divorce rate currently hovers at around 50 percent.
So, no matter what your degree of suspicion is when it comes to your husband and what’s in his mind, there are a number of things to keep an eye out for.
Don’t take them as gospel by themselves that cheating is going on, but if you see a lot of what follows in your marriage, it may be time for the “we need to talk” intervention.
Frustration in the marriage is one common trigger; the cheater may make several attempts to solve problems to no avail.
Maybe they had second thoughts about getting married or they were jealous over the attention given to a new baby and neither had the skill set to communicate these feelings.
Perhaps the straying spouse has childhood baggage — neglect, abuse, or a parent who cheated — that interferes with his or her ability to maintain a committed relationship.
Less often, the cheater doesn’t value monogamy, lacks empathy, or simply doesn’t care about the consequences.
We will take a look at a number of risk factors and causes for cheating, but it’s important to point out upfront that a partner doesn’t cause their spouse to cheat. Whether it was a cry for help, an exit strategy, or a means to get revenge after being cheated on themselves, the cheater alone is responsible for cheating.
1. He’s suddenly very interested in his appearance.
If your husband was previously indifferent to his appearance and is now spending more time than usual on his hair and clothes, it could be a sign that he’s trying to impress someone else.
He may also be working out more, or paying more attention to his grooming habits in general.
2. He’s working longer hours or taking more business trips.
If your husband’s work schedule has suddenly changed and he’s spending more time at the office or going on more business trips, it could be a sign that he’s cheating.
He may be using work as an excuse to meet someone else or to spend time away from home.
3. He’s become more distant and withdrawn.
If your husband is suddenly acting distant and withdrawn, it could be a sign that he’s cheating.
He may be less interested in talking to you or spending time with you. He may also seem preoccupied and distracted when you are together.
he’s cheating. He may be buying gifts for someone else, or he may be paying for activities that he wouldn’t normally spend money on.
4. He’s being secretive and evasive.
If your husband is being secretive and evasive, it could be a sign that he’s cheating.
He may be hiding his phone or computer from you, or deleting texts and emails without reading them.
He may also be reluctant to share information about his whereabouts or who he’s been spending time with.
5. He’s got a new group of friends.
If your husband has suddenly started hanging out with a new group of friends, it could be a sign that he’s cheating.
He may be spending more time with them than with you, or he may be secretive about who they are and what they do together.
6. He’s acting differently around you.
If your husband is acting differently around you, it could be a sign that he’s cheating.
He may be more critical of you, or he may be more distant and withdrawn.
He may also seem more interested in sex, or he may be less interested in sex.
7. He’s spending more money than usual.
If your husband is spending more money than usual, it could be a sign that he’s cheating.
He may be buying gifts for someone else, or he may be paying for activities that he wouldn’t normally spend money on.
8. What are those charges on the credit card?
If you monitor your monthly credit card statements and you start to see things pop up that you don’t recognize, they may be harmless, or they could be signs of monkey business that’s afoot.
If you can’t match up the expense with the story, that’s a problem. Also, if he’s now paying in cash for things that used to be charged, that’s a money monkey business concern as well.
9. He wants you to stop doing nice things for him.
Sometimes known as the Catholic guilt syndrome. If you’re being kind and considerate, as relationships should be, it could be revving up the conflict in him if he’s thinking about cheating or already doing so.
10. Cheat on me once, shame on you. Cheat on me twice, shame on me.
A spouse who has cheated in the past and gotten caught is more likely to think they can get away by doing a better job of cheating the second time around. If your spouse has a history of cheating, and you suspect cheating is happening again, it may be time to make that spouse a part of your history instead.
Why Do Husbands Cheat?
There are a lot of reasons that husbands cheat on their wives. Sometimes it has to do with the husband’s own insecurities or feeling like he isn’t good enough for his wife.
Sometimes cheating is a way to get revenge after an argument or disagreement. And sometimes, husbands cheat simply because they’re curious or they want to experience something new.
In this article, we will discuss how to fix a broken relationship even if it’s within a marriage.
May be you feel like all hope is lost… relax…. read this first.
Why Do Relationships Break Or Fail?
There are many reasons why relationships fall apart.
It could be that you and your partner have grown apart over time and now have different interests, goals, and values.
It could be that you’re unable to resolve conflict in a healthy way, or that one or both of you tend to withdraw or shut down when things get tough.
It could be that you have different ideas about how to handle finances, child-rearing, or other important life decisions.
Whatever the reason is, if you find yourself in a failing or broken relationship, it’s important to be intentional with your actions or lack there of.
Otherwise, the situation is likely to only get worse.
The simple truth is that we are humans.
We’re complicated.
And relationships between complicated humans are even MORE complicated.
#1. Trust Has Left The Building
The cement of your relationship is Trust. without it, your relationship will fail.
Trust issues are very common.
Trust issues usually start in our childhood.
We learn them in our families.
And then we bring them into our relationships.
When we stop trusting ourselves, we stopped trusting others.
And when we stop trusting others, we stop trusting ourselves.
Trust is a two-way street.
Some of the bad things that happen when you lose trust are:
Infidelity
Jealousy
Anxious behavior
Smothering
Insecurities
And a whole lot more.
The first thing you need to do is to figure out whether your trust issues are because your partner is not trust-able
…OR these are anxiety and insecurity issues inside of you.
Then you have to work on getting reconnected to your partner.
I’ll tell you more about how to do that in a bit.
#2. Your Communication Sucks
This is another one of those very common reasons relationships start to fall apart.
If you’re not communicating well, then you’re not going to be able to meet each other’s needs.
You’re always going to have misunderstandings and a deep breakdown of connection.
Communication is one of the most important factors in a relationship because it’s how you navigate with your partner
If your communication isn’t in sync and compatible, you will definitely have problems.
And eventually, you will turn to a therapist or counselor to help you with them.
But chances are it will be too late.
Make sure you’re always working on your communication.
Not just with your romantic partner, but with everyone in your life.
#3. You are on different maps/timetables
Sometimes it just happens that we are on different time schedules, or in different places in our life.
The timing is just wrong.
It can be hard to see this when you want a relationship to work.
But sometimes the situation is out of your control and you just need to walk away.
And sometimes you meet in the same place but you’re going at different speeds.
So you fall out of step with each other.
He might be going slower, and you might be moving faster towards your relationship goals.
You have to decide for yourself if you’re willing and patient enough to go at your partner’s speed.
Sometimes this means you have different priorities at the moment.
You may want to start a family, but he wants to start a business.
This will be something you must navigate and negotiate along the way if you want it to work.
#4. You’re just not a match
Very frequently, I see couples that get together and start a relationship.
But they didn’t ever stop to really make sure the other person was right for them.
One or both of them was just desperate to get into a relationship as fast as they could.
So they threw their needs out the window and ignored how wrong this person was for them.
They might have been seeking relief from anxiety, or from loneliness. But for whatever reason, they didn’t choose well.
If each person in a relationship is completely healthy, then they could probably start a relationship with almost anybody.
But compatibility is a huge issue if you are not in a whole and healthy place with your own self-esteem and self-worth.
One of the biggest love myths out there is that love conquers everything.
The good news is, that there are relationship advice that you can execute to repair the damage.
#1. Talk about what’s going on
The first step is to talk about what’s wrong.
You need to express your feelings and needs in a way that is respectful and non-blaming.
If you can’t do that, I recommends seeing a therapist or counselor who can help you learn how to communicate effectively.
#2. Make time for each other
One of the biggest reasons relationships fail is because couples don’t make time for each other.
Life gets busy and before you know it, you’re living parallel lives under the same roof.
You need to make time for each other—time to talk, time to connect.
#3. Be willing to compromise
In any relationship, there are going to be times when you have to compromise.
You might not always get your way, but that’s OK.
The important thing is that you’re both willing to give a little.
#4. Learn to forgive
If you want your relationship to thrive, you need to learn to forgive.
We all make mistakes—we’re only human.
The key is to not hold onto the anger and resentment.
If you can learn to let go, it will do wonders for your relationship.
#5. Don’t take each other for granted
One of the easiest ways to kill a relationship is to take your partner for granted.
We all need to feel valued and appreciated.
If you stop doing the things that made your partner fall in love with you in the first place, don’t be surprised if they start to look elsewhere.
#6. Keep the romance alive
Another common mistake couples make is letting the romance die.
It’s important to keep the spark alive.
Do the things you used to do when you were first dating—go on dates, have fun together, show each other how much you care.
#7. Work as a team
In any relationship, it’s important to remember that you’re on the same team.
You’re in this together, so you need to work together to make it work.
That means being supportive, understanding, and helpful—even when you don’t feel like it.
#8. Don’t try to change each other
One of the biggest mistakes couples make is trying to change each other all in the name of duty and responsibility forgetting that it is a romantic relationship at the end of the day.
You need to accept each other—flaws and all.
If you can learn to love and accept each other just as you are, it will do wonders for your relationship.
#9. Communicate, communicate, communicate
If there’s one piece of advice that experts agree on, it’s that communication is key to a successful relationship… to put more accurately… EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION.
You need to be able to talk to each other—about everything.
The more you communicate, the closer you’ll become .
#10. Develop Listening Skills
It is impossible to avoid arguments in any relationship.
And in those moments, it is equally impossible to prevent different perspectives of understanding right and wrong and ways of solving problems.
In such circumstances, there is no limit on what is required to be said and heard by both parties, which is necessary.
Because sometimes, or most of the time, the conversation becomes so fierce that the very limit of speaking is violated.
Due to a lack of listening ability, you take some such steps in anger which directly damages the relationship.
#11. Accepting the Circumstances and Your Partner
Circumstances can never be right and wrong in relationships.
Didn’t you see people coming together in bad times?
Haven’t you noticed people make or break in bad times?
If you look at history, you will find hundreds of examples where people came together in worse conditions, whether WWI or WWII.
Whether it’s raising a voice against racism or sexism.
People always came together to face the storm and grow out of them.
It is all up to our belief whether we can adapt to the circumstances or not.
We should always learn from bad times and always make good use of good times.
That’s the key to getting along with your partner.
#12. The Initiative Is Crucial to Overcome Relationship Struggles
Whether your relationship is on the verge of breaking or you are going through many troubles, if you want to stay with your partner and feel that everything will be right after a while, then the initiative you take to repair your relationship is always proven effective.
After a big fight, if you take the initiative and make your partner feel that they are more important than your needs, then believe that your initiative is commendable enough to strengthen your relationship.
The initiative will always be needed to keep the relationship successful and constantly fresh; a good initiative always brings closeness.
#13. Apologize To Restore the Relationship
One of the hallmarks of a bad relationship is that both sides see apologizing as their weakness, due to which they feel hesitant to apologize even if they want.
According to the study, ‘The Psychology of offering an Apology by Karina Schumann it’s proposed that the reasons why people hesitate to offer an apology or high-quality apologies are,
Low concern for the victim or relationship,
The perceived threat to self-image,
And perceived apology ineffectiveness.
But, if you want to fix your relationship, you must rise above these barriers.
Because if you don’t, what you do is end the 1% scope of repairing a broken relationship.
To cherish any relationship, it is as essential to apologize as to give forgiveness; it is precisely the same as washing and drying cloth.
Here, both water and sunlight make the cloth wearable.
Similarly, both apologizing and offering forgiveness make the relationship believable.
But be sure to be clear on why you are apologizing and ensure you’ve taken enough time to assess what went wrong; be intentional.
#14. Understand Your Moral, Social, and Personal Circle
Even though your relationship is going through a bad phase – facing trust issues, anxiety, separation, etc., if you are fulfilling your moral responsibility towards your partner, you are trying to take your relationship in the right direction.
Here you have a sense of moral obligation and personal or social commitments.
You know how to fulfill all these responsibilities well, then understand that you have almost saved your relationship from being ruined.
Because responsibilities always give strength, courage, and the ability to understand right and wrong.
And if you have all this in you, you will not let anything go wrong.
#15. Be Sure to Give Opportunities to Build Trust to Improve the Relationship
Trust issues in a relationship can never blossom a tree of love.
Therefore, in a broken relationship, it is necessary to create such opportunities to build trust between both parties, which can instill a sense of confidence in both parties towards each other.
And it’s not that it takes a lot of effort to build trust, it’s just small things that ensure that you have unwavering faith in your partner.
For example, if you have life insurance and your partner is a nominee in it, or they are your partner in any of your big projects, or you take your partner’s advice for small household needs.
Now it comes to how do you determine the opportunities to build trust?
Well to build trust you need combined forces of different human fundamental aspects.
You cannot build trust all alone.
And the aspects are,
Transparency.
Respect and…
Loyalty.
Without these, it’s impossible to trust or build it in any given situation.
Let’s discuss each in detail.
#16. Loyalty Is Essential to Keep Yourself Away From a Damaged Relationship
You have to be loyal to your partner to mend a deteriorating relationship because you must understand that hurting feelings will prove fatal for any relationship.
If you are lying to your partner or have a relationship with someone else, then understand that you are not paying attention to your partner’s needs
You don’t care if your infidelity can lead to your partner getting depressed and how bad the outcome will be.
If you are not loyal to your partner, then understand that you do not respect your relationship at all.
And where there is no respect, there’s no love.
And where there’s no love, there’s no relationship.
It has been destroyed.
Also, if you’re not loyal, you cannot expect your partner to be loyal.
Once you cross your line, they might probably cross as well.
And thus, you’ve both entered the phase of a broken relationship.
#17. Controlling and Managing Your Expectations
If the ambition and expectations start exceeding the limit in any relationship, whether the relationship of friendship, husband-wife, or business, then understand that the seeds of condemnation, neglect, and hatred have been planted in that relationship.
It is essential to regulate and control the expectations to live in harmony because the human mind always craves to get something new and thrilled.
And this craving starts to take away that person from his/her loved ones.
The person begins to remain irritable… resentment
He starts to force his people to satisfy his craving which further gives birth to instability in the relationship.
When his expectations don’t get fulfilled, he starts to blame his people.
Both the parties in the relationship should set their expectations according to their partner’s economic, social, and family situation.
This situation can be better controlled by mutual coordination.
#18. Do Not Take Any Wrong Decisions Under Stress or Anger
When the relationship starts deteriorating, it is natural for the person associated with that relationship to go into depression.
But can that person improve his relationship by making some wrong decisions due to depression?
You should answer this.
What’s your mind saying?
What’s your first reaction?
I believe it’s NO.
By taking a bad decision, you are harming yourself and the people you love.
Instead of fixing your relationship with one wrong decision, you are on the contrary worsening it even more.
In a deteriorating relationship, the person makes some bad decisions, such as drinking or getting intoxicated, abusing the partner, harming them, trying to hurt himself, not showing respect to the people in the relationship, adopting bad habits, etc.
Due to even more wrong decisions, a person tends to end the relationship forever.
And from there, it becomes tough to improve the relationship.
Therefore, make every noble effort to fix your relationship with thoughtfulness so that your relationship becomes stronger… be intentional.
#19. Seek professional help
If you’ve tried everything and nothing seems to be working, it may be time to seek professional help.
A professional can help you learn how to communicate effectively, resolve conflict, and deal with other issues that may be affecting your relationship.
While it’s not always easy, repairing the damage in a relationship is possible—if you’re willing to put in the work.
With patience, understanding, and a little effort, you and your partner can get back on track and build a stronger, more intimate connection.
What makes a healthy relationship?
Every relationship is unique, and people come together for many different reasons.
Part of what defines a healthy relationship is sharing a common goal for exactly what you want the relationship to be and where you want it to go.
And that’s something you’ll only know by talking deeply and honestly with your partner.
However, there are also some characteristics that most healthy relationships have in common.
Knowing these basic principles can help keep your relationship meaningful, fulfilling, and exciting whatever goals you’re working towards or challenges you’re facing together.
A. You maintain a meaningful emotional connection with each other.
You each make the other feel loved and emotionally fulfilled.
There’s a difference between being loved and feeling loved.
When you feel loved, it makes you feel accepted and valued by your partner, like someone truly gets you.
Some relationships get stuck in peaceful coexistence, but without the partners truly relating to each other emotionally.
While the union may seem stable on the surface, a lack of ongoing involvement and emotional connection serves only to add distance between two people.
B. You’re not afraid of (respectful) disagreement.
Some couples talk things out quietly, while others may raise their voices and passionately disagree.
The key to a strong relationship, though, is not to be fearful of conflict.
You need to feel safe to express things that bother you without fear of retaliation and be able to resolve conflict without humiliation, degradation, or insisting on being right.
C. You keep outside relationships and interests alive.
Despite the claims of romantic fiction or movies, no one person can meet all of your needs.
In fact, expecting too much from your partner can put unhealthy pressure on a relationship.
To stimulate and enrich your romantic relationship, it’s important to sustain your own identity outside of the relationship, preserve connections with family and friends, and maintain your hobbies and interests.
D. You communicate openly and honestly.
Good and effective communication is a key part of any relationship.
When both people know what they want from the relationship and feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears, and desires,
…it can increase trust and strengthen the bond between you.
In Conclusion…
Good, healthy relationships will sometimes be challenging.
But it’s all worth it.
You and your partner put yourselves through the challenge for the good things that come from a relationship.
Remember that this is always the case, even during the best phases of a relationship.
The challenge is further amplified during or after a separation.
Our faulty ideas of love, alone, won’t keep a relationship functioning.
It needs care and attention to allow both partners to grow and develop throughout its course.
A relationship can’t stay like it is during the first stages, skillful partnership will be required to make things work.
A healthy relationship will only happen if both people are prepared to work at the outcome, making sure all of the key elements work.
The most difficult challenges can be overcome with two people working together, for the mutual good.
If you have been going through difficult times, it can be hard to get a perspective on things.
It’s possible to do this with logical, sensible thinking.
Remember that the person you love has not disappeared, no matter what the circumstances.
You must reconnect with that person, allowing them to reconnect to you, in order to build or rebuild a solid, healthy relationship.
The main reasons why relationships fail are loss of trust, poor communication, lack of respect, a difference in priorities, and little intimacy.
A common trajectory for the end of a relationship is the slow tapering-off; a protracted period of tell-tale signs and wilful denial, as motivation to patch things up dwindles in one or both partners. A sudden, sharp break can feel more shocking, but it’s also clearer.
A toxic relationship is one that makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked. On a basic level, any relationship that makes you feel worse rather than better can become toxic over time.
My husband talks about how powerful or self-important he is.
My husband makes fun of other people.
My husband shows a pattern of grandiosity.
My husband is in constant need for admiration.
My husband fantasizes about success and power.
My husband has low empathy to understand the feelings of others.
My husband is arrogant.
My husband's sense of entitlement is grand.
My husband shows mood swings and possibly, a disorder.
My husband has been diagnosed with schizophrenia spectrum disorders
My husband has been diagnosed with substance-induced disorders.
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There is a lot of confusion about what is and is not narcissism.
Narcissists can seem charming at first, but they are often manipulative and destructive to those around them.
They will wear you down with their demands for attention and approval until all you want is space from the relationship.
If this sounds like your husband, it might be time to ask yourself if he has narcissistic tendencies and traits.
This blog post is going to explore the signs that may indicate that your spouse is a narcissist or has narcissistic tendencies, as well as provide some tips on how to cope with these traits in your marriage.
You will also be able to take a quick quiz to assess your husband to determine whether he is a narcissist or not.
Who is A Narcissist?
Narcissists are people who narcissistically love themselves and believe they deserve to be loved and admired by others.
Common behaviors of narcissists may include:
Exerting control over others
Talking about how powerful or self-important they are and
Making fun of other people.
And that’s among many.
Narcissistic people will often take advantage of others for their gain, and they are rarely concerned about the consequences.
They can be very charming at first but narcissists lack empathy which makes them unable to form healthy relationships with other people.
When you think your spouse might have narcissistic tendencies it is important not to blame yourself.
The term “narcissism” derives from the ancient Greek myth about a handsome young man who fell in love with his own reflection in a pool of water. The term narcissism was first used by the psychologist Otto Rank in a lecture he gave at the Vienna Psychoanalytic Society in 1912.
The official diagnosis, when assessed by a qualified mental health professional, is Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
A qualified mental health professional is defined by the set of professional qualifications required to practice psychotherapy or psychological assessment.
Non-qualified mental health professional examples include family members or friends who aren’t qualified therapists or doctors able to diagnose with certainty whether your partner has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or not.
Being qualified to properly diagnosis someone requires training in clinical psychology, psychiatry, or social work followed by board certification as well as several years’ experience working with patients.
Being A Narcissist vs Narcissistic Behavior
You can’t call someone a narcissist without a proper clinical diagnosis from a professional.
But nearly every human being has at least one narcissistic behavior or more.
A qualified mental health professional can help with this assessment by providing an official diagnosis of NPD when diagnosed according to certain criteria.
But you can also use key characteristics that are often associated with the condition as well as direct statements from your spouse about themselves for guidance too.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is Characterized By:
A pattern of grandiosity
Need for admiration, and
Fantasies about success and power.
Low empathy to understand the feelings of others
Arrogance & Entitlement to whatever they want
A strong sense that they are special or unique.
Rigid and controlling behavior.
On the narcissistic spectrum are some narcissistic traits that do not meet the full criteria for narcissistic personality disorder:
Narcissistic defense mechanisms like splitting and projection (defensive) or self-boasting (offensive).
Narcissists will often use these as a way to protect themselves from narcissistic injury.
Narcissistic personality Disorder (NPD) is a Mental Disorder.
With NPD, people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others.
People with narcissistic personality disorder believe that they’re superior to others and have little regard for other people’s feelings.
To be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, the following criteria must be met:
5 or more narcissistic traits, at least one of these must be either grandiosity or entitlement.
The narcissistic traits are necessary for diagnosis and don’t occur exclusively during episodes of mood disorders, schizophrenia spectrum disorders, or substance-induced disorders.
The narcissistic personality traits cause significant functional impairment or subjective distress.
The narcissistic symptoms are not attributable to the physiological effects of a substance or another medical condition.
Here Are Some More Narcissistic Personality Disorder Symptoms:
You can feel the grandiosity with expectations of superior treatment from others with a fixation on fantasies of power, success, and attractiveness.
He selfishly takes advantage of others to achieve his own ends while having flaky self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism.
A clinically diagnosed narcissistic husband might envy you and believe you are envious of him and with a sense of entitlement – expecting favorable treatment from you and everyone.
The narcissist sees himself as unique or special, associating with other people who are also narcissistic.
Feels that he’s above the law and to be a clinically diagnosed NPD person, there must be evidence of clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
The narcissistic personality traits must be stable over time and across different situations, the sufferer has to have had these symptoms for at least two years.
It cannot occur exclusively during periods of mood disorders, schizophrenia spectrum disorder, or substance intoxication syndromes.
The symptoms cannot be attributable to another medical condition.
Narcissistic Supply
A term used to describe narcissistic needs for attention, affirmation or praise and admiration from others in order to support their fragile self-esteem.
In the narcissistic relationship cycle, this is called mirroring where you are expected to admire your partner’s success and accomplishments while they devalue you.
The narcissistic cycle of abuse is a three-phase process that narcissistic people go through on the way to extracting narcissistic supply from their partners.
First is idealization which means they are putting you up on a pedestal and showing interest in everything about you.
This phase ends when it’s obvious that your partner feels superior to you.
A Narcissistic Behavior Is Not Something Someone Chooses.
It’s a personality disorder that has formed over time due to an individual’s upbringing or past experiences (e.g., childhood trauma).
Although narcissists tend to come across as self-assured individuals who know what they want, underneath this veneer there may be doubt and a constant need for praise and attention.
Many narcissists tend to be paranoid and hypersensitive which can lead to violent outbursts or anger problems.
These behaviors stem from a fear of their true self being revealed; most narcissists hide behind an image that is not real.
Narcissism Is Quite Different From Self-Esteem Issues.
It’s important when trying to determine whether your spouse is narcissistic or has narcissist traits that you do not confuse this with low self-esteem issues such as depression.
People who have lower than normal levels of confidence may feel the need to boost themselves up by putting others down.
But they are very different in nature compared to narcissists who believe everyone should love them just because they are narcissists.
10 Signs Your Husband Might Be a Narcissist:
Many people who have narcissistic spouses are too afraid, confused, shocked, etc., that they don’t know how to react which can allow these behaviors from their spouse to go on for much longer than necessary.
The following will help you better understand what is going on with your partner so that you can address this problem head-on instead of waiting until things get worse first.
Sign #10 – Controlling Behavior
“I think my husband is controlling; so is my husband a narcissist?
A narcissist wants power over others because he/she feels insecure about themselves.
This can take the form of your narcissist becoming very possessive and jealous, or even manipulative to get what they want.
They may also try and control you by telling you how things should be done rather than allowing you freedom in this area (e.g., not letting you go out with friends until recently).
These behaviors are almost always present because narcissists have a hard time sharing power once it has been established.
Sign #9 – Frenzied Need for Attention
A narcissist’s sense of self-worth is dependent on others’ opinions about them so he will do anything necessary to receive attention from those around him.
This includes being outrageously charming one day just to become cold towards someone the next.
This is because narcissists can’t control whether or not people will like them so they look to others for validation.
Sign #8 – Feelings of Superiority
Narcissists often believe that they are above everyone else and this belief may be based on real-life achievements, false claims about their accomplishments, or even delusions of grandeur (e.g., claiming to have led a major event in history).
A narcissist’s sense of superiority also means he believes themselves to be smarter than the average person which makes it difficult for them to admit when wrong or apologize unless they feel that doing so would help maintain power over you (e.g., won’t say sorry if it’s an issue that they don’t want to lose control over).
Sign #7 – Lack of Empathy or Remorse
“My husband doesn’t see me; so is my husband a narcissist?
A narcissist is unable to see things from another person’s perspective which means you may find yourself feeling like your emotions and needs do not matter.
This can be very hurtful as it makes you feel invisible even though this was never the narcissist’s intention.
They also tend to avoid criticism at all costs because narcissists believe themselves to be perfect with no room for improvement (e.g., will be aggressive if their behavior comes into question, especially in public situations where they cannot escape scrutiny).
Sign #6 – Problems With Authority Figures
Due to his feelings of superiority, a narcissist might struggle when faced with authority figures (e.g., teachers, bosses) which can lead to problems at work and school as well as with the law.
The narcissist will want their way simply because they believe themselves to be right even if this does not make sense to others around them (e.g., trying to get out of a ticket by arguing that he has diplomatic immunity).
Sign #5 – Lack of Intimacy
Narcissists often find it difficult to connect with people on an emotional level since most feelings are perceived by them as weaknesses.
So intimacy is usually avoided unless the narcissist needs something from you or feels threatened in some way.
If your partner shows most or all of these narcissist behaviors then you might be dealing with a narcissist.
Sign #4 – Silent Treatment
This could be a sign that your husband is a narcissist.
Silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse in which an abuser will not speak to the victim as a way of punishing them.
It is difficult for many people because it can last for hours or days, and it may be accompanied by other forms of abuse such as yelling, screaming, name-calling, and criticizing.
The silent treatment can also cause us to question whether anything we say is ever good enough for our husband.
It may also make us feel isolated from the world as if nobody cares about us anymore.
It’s a powerful tool that you give to someone who has hurt you deeply.
A narcissist can use it to send a clear message to his wife: she has done something wrong and it needs to change.
Sign #3 – Emotionally Abusive
“My husband is emotionally abusive; So is my husband a narcissist?”
Emotionally abusive behavior includes any pattern of behaviors that are designed to hurt someone emotionally, such as name-calling or putdowns.
These types of people will often be insensitive and unaware of the effects their behavior has on others.
They may use threats and intimidation to get what they want and sometimes claim they only lash out because the other person provoked them or did something wrong.
It also occurs in relationships where one partner is not violent but abuses the other with words, leaving the partner feeling helpless and worn down.
Emotional abuse is a form of mind control, which makes it very difficult for the victim to break free.
They are often insecure, and they use emotional abuse as a way of maintaining control or manipulating their partner into doing what they want them to do because the abuser is afraid that if he does not maintain strict control over his partner, something bad will happen.
Narcissistic individuals use tactics like these to feed their own ego while disregarding how it affects others.
If you are dealing with an abusive narcissist, you may feel like everything that goes wrong in their life is your fault.
The narcissistic abuser will find ways to twist things around and make it seem like the victim’s behavior caused them harm when really this couldn’t be farther from the truth.
Sign #2 – Self Importance
“My husband thinks he is more important than everyone else; So is my husband a narcissist?”
Self importance is defined by Merriam-Webster as “a large sense of one’s own importance”.
Self importance can be seen through different behaviors such as boasting, entitlement, or rage.
Self importance is a trait of narcissism that is used to describe when an individual has an inflated sense of their own value and overlooks the values of others.
It usually stems from childhood abuse, neglect, or high parental expectations.
Sign #1 – Selfish Person
“I think my husband is a selfish person; so is my husband a narcissist?”
A selfish person is a person who thinks of themselves first and foremost before considering what might be best for others.
He doesn’t care about anybody else and will not put in an effort to help others.
They get angry when they get nothing in return from your friendship while never doing anything for you in return.
Most people would say that a selfish person is a terrible friend or neighbor or even a son or daughter because they only think of themselves and their own needs ahead of anyone else.
Narcissists are selfish people, but there is a bigger issue with them than selfishness alone because they have narcissistic personality disorder.
A selfish person does not have to hurt others but narcissists cause big problems for those who live or work closely around them.
Mental Disorders Can Be Caused By Mental Trauma And Mental Fatigue.
Narcissists often show signs of mental fatigue because they feel overwhelmed and obligated to take care of everyone around them.
Stress and mental health issues can lead to mental disorders such as depression and anxiety, among others.
Mental health issues also make it difficult to focus and concentrate.
And, in most cases, mental disorders can be prevented if caught at an early stage.
People who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder typically have trouble adjusting to stressful situations and challenges in life.
They tend to lash out or withdraw when they are faced with something new or different, often leading to mental health issues.
These mental health issues then make them even less able to handle new situations, leading to a mental disorder such as anxiety or depression.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is an Umbrella Term
It’s a term for people who suffer from narcissistic tendencies and often find themselves unable to cope with mental stress and mental health issues like other mental disorders.
Additional symptoms identified with narcissism include low self-esteem, obsessive concern about their body shape or weight, constant feelings of being misunderstood by those around you, always feeling that someone else has been given more attention than they have received etc.
They also tend to continuously struggle in relationships due to lack of empathy towards others’ needs and emotions which can lead them to become very lonely over time.
Handling Marriage To A Narcissistic Husband
When you spend time with your friends, family, or yourself, it can be a great way to deal with being married to a narcissist.
It is important to spend quality time outside of the relationship.
Being In A Relationship with a Narcissistic Partner
Being in a relationship with a narcissist may be very hard because it’s hard to tell if the person is being real with you or not.
The narcissistic partner can’t empathize with anyone else and they don’t care about anyone but themselves.
They often treat other people like objects, which can be really hurtful.
A Narcissistic partner tends to also be very controlling.
This means that they try to take over everything, including decisions that are rightfully yours.
It can be really difficult to find out if your partner is a narcissist because they tend to manipulate the situation so well.
How The Grandiose Sense Causes Problems in Relationships
The grandiose sense is where the person sees themselves in a grand light and they have a grand understanding of who they are.
They have this sense because they have been told from a young age that they are special and perfect.
They also understand that others see them as being special and perfect.
When someone has this, it’s likely because they’ve been given power over other people their whole life.
This grand sense of self makes it very difficult for them to have a healthy relationship with another person.
Their grandiose sense causes problems in their relationships because they don’t understand what other people need from them.
They get upset when others want something different than what they are giving because this clashes with how grand and separate they see themselves as.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) is a set of criteria that psychologists and psychiatrists use to diagnose mental disorders.
It is used to help identify mental disorders.
According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, less than one percent (0.01%) of the general population is actually diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder.
This means that most people who are struggling with narcissism do not have it as a diagnosis because they don’t meet all four criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder in DSM-IV-TR or ICD-11, which differ slightly from each other but both include lack of empathy towards others, grandiosity/self-love/obsession about themselves, arrogance/”acting superior”, and haughtiness/”belittlement” toward those perceived weaker than them.
They also show signs such as feeling “entitled”, taking advantage of others/exploitation, being jealous of others/envious, and a lack of empathy.
These traits all cause problems within relationships because they are hard to deal with if the narcissistic person doesn’t want their behavior changed or at least improved upon.
What To Do When You Are In A Narcissistic Relationship
When you find out that your husband is a narcissist it can come as quite a shock since most people don’t think about this disorder very often until someone close to them has been diagnosed with it.
Firstly, get into therapy so you can acquire better coping skills for when your partner is having a difficult moment.
Here is some additional information you may find useful.
Personality Disorders
A Personality Disorder diagnosis is made when a person presents an enduring and inflexible pattern of inner experience, thought, and behavior that is associated with distress or with challenging social problems.
Personality Disorders are usually accompanied by disturbances in cognition.
Personality Disorders can lead to considerable anguish due to strain on interpersonal relationships, or the inability to function in daily life.
Personality disorders are usually categorized by clusters of traits that reflect basic patterns of behavior.
Narcissism falls under Cluster B Personality Disorders along with Antisocial Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder which share many similarities such as impulsivity and emotional regulation
Excessive Admiration vs Excessive Self-Admiration
Excessive self-admiration that deserves sympathy is called narcissistic personality disorder, or NPD.
Excessive admiration of others is a different problem, and not a psychological disorder.
A narcissist typically has a grandiose sense of self-importance, a deep need for admiration, and a lack of empathy.
They may even take on the role of “professional victim.”
Their extreme need for validation can lead them to become angry or aggressive when they don’t receive the attention they feel they deserve.
Many people feel a deep need for admiration and praise.
Narcissistic Partners Come in All Shapes & Sizes.
Narcissists may be at a high-functioning level, grabbing a PhD, teaching a university course, publishing articles in journals, being the best athlete on the field, or being an amazing mother.
Narcissists may also have significant difficulties with depression, isolation from friends and family, anger management problems, substance abuse problems, financial irresponsibility as well as infidelity.
Narcissistic partners can be attractive.
Narcissism looks different for everyone and can be hard to recognize without working through the needed steps to identify Narcissistic patterns of behavior; verbally abusive behavior, cruel comments and worse.
You spend time together for a long time before getting married but yet, you failed at identifying these things.
Can A Family Therapist Generate A Formal Diagnosis For Narcissistic Personal Disorder?
A family therapist can generate a formal diagnosis for Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but it will be based on the family’s assessment of the family member, not just the family member.
Family members are often the first to suspect that family member is narcissistic.
A family therapist can guide family members through assessing whether their family member has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but they do not have information on every possible symptom of narcissism and cannot be certain if a family member who exhibits some symptoms does or does not have Narcissistic Personality Disorder without more formal testing.
After they have gone through this process, they can decide if formal diagnosis is necessary.
If it is decided that a family member has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, the family therapist will work with the family to develop coping strategies for dealing with their loved one’s illness.
The symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder are not always easy to pinpoint in family members because there may be times when some symptoms are present and others are not—it all depends on who the narcissist is interacting with at any given moment.
The family therapist also provides support to dysfunctional families by teaching them how to better communicate within family units while building more effective interpersonal relationships outside of the home environment.
The family therapist guides parents through techniques such as setting boundaries, reinforcing positive behavior, and modeling healthy family interactions.
In addition, the family therapist also helps them recognize when they need to reach out for help from a mental health professional as well as how to make those necessary connections with local providers who can assist them in their healing process.
Family therapists work closely with children so that they do not develop poor coping mechanisms due to exposure to toxic family relationships.
This often includes teaching parents techniques of parenting without aggression or hostility towards their child—the family therapist does this by utilizing best practices surrounding positive discipline strategies which promote responsibility, accountability, empathy, and self-worth within children while helping families understand what is age-appropriate behavior at various developmental stages throughout childhood development.
Family therapy may be beneficial for adults too because it allows individuals to learn how to have healthier relationships with themselves and other social connections.
The family therapist provides a safe space for the members, couples, or individuals suffering from mental health disorders such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder to discuss their issues openly without fear of judgment while also learning healthy ways to communicate in times when conflict arises within the family unit.
Family therapists do not provide individual therapy sessions because they believe that family units should work through problems together rather than apart—they are there to guide families towards healing and wellness by teaching them better communication skills so they can resolve all types of conflicts whether it be between siblings, parents and children, partners or spouses.
Narcissism is a complex topic that requires an extensive study on both an institutional level as well as a family level to fully comprehend.
Support System When In Relationship with a Narcissist
A support system is vital in any relationship, but when in a relationship with a narcissist, it is even more important.
It can be extremely difficult to cope with narcissistic behavior on your own.
Getting support from people that you trust and love will help strengthen your support system.
Talking to other people that have dealt with or are currently dealing with narcissism can also be helpful, because they may have experiences that you can relate to.
As I mentioned before, it can be very hard to handle a relationship with a narcissist personally.
If they are constantly telling you that other people are trying to come between your relationship, it is important not to believe them.
Other support groups include family and friends of the narcissist, because they may be able to give insight into their behavior that you cannot see or understand.
Conclusion
Is your husband a narcissist?
Is he just in need of some TLC and attention, or is there something more sinister going on?
It’s hard to tell what’s really going on with your husband when you’re not living inside his head.
The best thing that you can do for yourself is taking the time to figure out what it is that YOU want from him, then communicate those expectations clearly and calmly to him without any emotional accusations.
If things don’t improve after this intervention, you may have a very serious problem at hand – one which will require professional help to address.
Don’t forget to download your free book Get My Marriage Back at:
In this lesson, you will discover the real answer to this age-old question (Is my wife cheating?) and why the answer is probably not what you need before these 10 questions.
Nonetheless, I will give you the answer.
We are sorry that you have found yourself in this space with your marriage. We want to help and this article will be a great start.
Warning! Do not read anything else about cheating suspicions until you read this article in its entirety. You will break your home if you do.
With that being said, in this previous post, we shared 10 signs that your wife just slept with someone else.
We created that article but there is a problem that reading that article can potentially create and that’s turning you into an FBI agent in your own marriage.
What happens after reading these types of articles is the initiation of the vicious cycle, rabbit hole and urge to start looking for more information on how to catch your wife with another man.
It will never be enough.
There is usually a complete neglect for the psychological factors involved when you find yourself in this space of cheating and infidelity suspicions.
What If Your Wife Cheated?
This question is a bigger question that we want you to answer before you embark on the painful journey of finding out if your wife cheated.
There is a difference between those 2 questions; “Is your wife cheating?” and “What if your wife cheated?”.
But both questions are just as painful because the subject of the matter is still “cheating.”
And we can’t afford to manipulate you out of wondering if this has, in fact, happened because you have your reasons for the suspicion.
We can groom the mind in the direction that’s healthy over time but we can’t just format it like a computer disk if this is an actual concern.
So what if she cheated?
As painful as that question is to process, what would you do? That answer is more important than finding out if she’s actually cheating.
In an ideal world, you would check out all the signs that the gurus provide and your findings would indicate that your wife is not cheating.
But does that really satisfy the root cause of your concerns?
When you suggest to the husband of these modern days the possibility of being insecure, they get very defensive.
Insecurity is one issue but the tendency to get very defensive quickly is another behemoth issue all together.
By default, the root cause of the quest to know if your wife is cheating is insecurity.
The confusion comes when you think that the possibility of your insecurity is a crime that negates the possibility that your wife could also be cheating.
Two things can be true at the same time.
So if your findings say that she is not cheating, the human mind will tend to keep looking for answers that align more with the suspicion.
And if your findings indicate that she has been cheating, what would you do?
Therefore the only answer you should be looking for is these…
10 Questions Before Finding Out If She Is Cheating Or Not …
“What if your wife is cheating?”
If she’s cheating, what would be the next step?
Would that hurt and to what extent?
Would you leave the marriage?
If you decide to stay, under what condition?
What condition is healthy for you to stay in a marriage with a cheater?
What about healing from the wound of that level of betrayal?
What about healing from not being in bondage of always wondering if she’s still cheating?
Is total redemption from the effects of a cheating wife even possible?
How do I stop wondering if my wife is cheating?
Here Is An Example of A Good Reason For Cheating Concerns
A reader reached out to us. He thinks his wife is cheating.
According to him, she was never a social person. But recently, she has been hanging out late on random nights after work with co-workers.
Before his suspicions, she would call or text if she was going to be late for any reason but it’s getting really bad these days.
One day, after texting and calling her, looking for her and even reaching out to her family, with no response, he was forced to trace her to the bar around her workplace.
Eventually, she ran into her car and just waited long enough for her. She eventually came out of a male co-workers’ car.
When they talked about it, she claimed that she was too drunk to come home right away so she decided to just hang out and talk with the male co-worker in his car.
Now… is there enough information to confirm what he has been suspecting? No.
Is She Right Or Wrong?
… to even be in these compromising positions of hanging out, getting drunk around male friends and co-workers who she is obviously very comfortable with?
Whatever your answer is would be correct. You have the right to be right.
Is it possible that his wife is cheating on him? Yes.
Is it possible that she is not cheating at all? Yes.
Which answer is more probable? Your outlook on life will be the lens of choice here.
None of the answers is relevant to the real issue at hand which is the fact that your wife has found a safer zone outside of your marriage.
Is it your fault? Blame, guilt, judgement and condemnations are irrelevant to a healthy way forward.
A bigger issue is also that you are now operating out of fear and not faith. This will kill every ounce of attraction left in your marriage.
If you care for her, your goal should be one of these two different goals; to attract her back or let her go to set yourself free.
It just so happens that letting her go will increase the chances of attracting her back as we all know that the streets are not safe for anyone.
But it takes certain types of experience for some people to find out.
The worst thing you can do is to continue to go down the rabbit hole of being an FBI or CIA agent in the sanctity of your own home.
That’s never going to be fun and it will never create a positive fruit for your own life. We understand that a cheating wife won’t do that either.
However, you are better off working with the law of attraction. Focus on yourself and you will attract what’s best for you, including the best out of your wife.
If she’s just naturally a cheater (which is possible), you will also attract that information in a more healthy way that will allow you to move forward in the most healthy way.
At least, you won’t be missing out on a fun life until that happens.
Seeking individual counseling, coaching and therapy is also not a bad idea in this space because this is going to be easier said than done.
It can be very hard to just relax when you have real suspicions.
Don’t forget to download your free book Get My Marriage Back at:
