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23 Ways to Fix and Rebuild Trust in a Relationship

Trust is the foundation of any successful relationship, providing a sense of security, intimacy, and emotional connection. 

However, trust can be fragile, and when it is broken, it requires intentional effort and commitment to rebuild.

In this blog post, we will explore 23 effective ways to fix and rebuild trust in a relationship. 

From understanding the dynamics of trust to fostering open communication and vulnerability, these strategies will help readers navigate the challenging path of rebuilding trust.

1. Understand the Importance of Trust

Begin by recognizing the significance of trust in a relationship. Understand how trust affects the emotional well-being of both partners and the overall health of the relationship.

Before we dive into the nitty-gritty of rebuilding trust, let’s take a moment to truly grasp the significance of trust in a relationship. 

Trust is the bedrock that holds everything together – it’s the glue that keeps the bond between two people strong and resilient. 

When trust flourishes, it becomes the fertile soil for love, intimacy, and growth to blossom. 

Both partners can feel secure in the knowledge that they can rely on each other, no matter what challenges life throws their way. 

Trust empowers individuals to be their authentic selves, fostering an atmosphere of acceptance and support. 

On the flip side, when trust is shattered, it can lead to a range of emotional turmoil – from feelings of betrayal and hurt to insecurity and doubt. 

That’s why rebuilding trust is a journey that requires patience, commitment, and a genuine desire to repair what’s broken. 

So, let’s roll up our sleeves and embark on the path to rebuilding trust in your relationship, one step at a time!

2. Accept Responsibility

If you have broken the trust, take responsibility for your actions. Acknowledge the impact of your behavior on your partner and express genuine remorse.

Alright, it’s time to put on our grown-up hats and take responsibility for our actions! If you find yourself on the “Oops, I messed up” side of the trust equation, it’s crucial to step up and own it. 

Avoid the blame game or trying to shift responsibility elsewhere. Instead, face the music and acknowledge the impact your behavior had on your partner. 

It takes courage and vulnerability to admit your mistakes, but doing so is a powerful step towards rebuilding trust. 

Express genuine remorse and show that you understand the hurt you caused. Let your partner know that you’re committed to making amends and to becoming a better partner. 

Taking responsibility not only demonstrates your integrity but also sets the stage for open communication and healing. 

So, embrace this opportunity to grow and evolve, because rebuilding trust begins with looking in the mirror and being accountable for our actions.

3. Open and Honest Communication

Establish open lines of communication with your partner. Encourage honest conversations about your feelings, concerns, and desires. Actively listen to your partner without judgment.

In the realm of trust-building, open and honest communication reigns as the cornerstone of a solid foundation. 

Establishing open lines of communication with your partner fosters an environment of transparency and vulnerability. 

Encourage candid conversations about your feelings, concerns, and desires, allowing both of you to express yourselves authentically. 

Remember, communication isn’t just about speaking; it’s about actively listening. 

Set aside distractions, be fully present, and attentively listen to your partner’s words and emotions. 

Practice empathy and understanding, free from judgment. 

When both partners feel heard and validated, trust blossoms, paving the way for a deeper emotional connection and a stronger, more fulfilling relationship. 

So, let your communication be a beacon of trust, guiding your journey towards a more profound understanding of each other’s hearts and minds.

4. Practice Active Listening

Listening attentively to your partner’s thoughts and feelings demonstrates respect and shows that you value their perspective. Avoid interrupting or getting defensive during discussions.

Listening is an art, my friends, and when it comes to rebuilding trust, it’s an art you’ll want to master. Practicing active listening is a powerful way to show your partner that their thoughts and feelings matter to you. 

By giving them your undivided attention, you demonstrate respect and genuine interest in their perspective. Resist the urge to interrupt or get defensive during discussions, as this can shut down the lines of communication and hinder the trust-building process. 

Instead, let your partner express themselves fully, and when they’re done, respond with empathy and understanding. 

Reflect back on what they’ve shared to ensure you’ve understood correctly, and ask clarifying questions if needed. 

Active listening allows you to truly connect with your partner on a deeper level, fostering an atmosphere of safety and openness. 

So, sharpen those listening skills and let your partner know that their words are valued, cherished, and trusted in the sanctuary of your relationship.

5. Express Empathy

Develop empathy by trying to understand your partner’s emotions and point of view. Validate their feelings and let them know that you hear and understand them.

Empathy is the superpower of trust-building. 

Step into your partner’s shoes and make an effort to truly grasp their emotions and point of view. 

When you validate their feelings and let them know you hear and understand them, you create a bridge of connection and support, deepening the trust between you both.

6. Rebuild Integrity

Consistently act with integrity and honesty. Make a commitment to follow through on your words and promises. This consistency will help rebuild trust over time.

Integrity is the cornerstone of trust. It’s about walking the talk and aligning your actions with your words.

When you consistently act with honesty and keep your promises, you show your partner that they can rely on you, fostering a sense of security and dependability. 

This commitment to integrity over time builds a strong track record of trustworthiness, laying the groundwork for rebuilding trust and creating a lasting, fulfilling relationship. 

So, let integrity be your guiding principle on this journey of trust-building, and watch how it transforms your connection with your partner.

7. Apologize Sincerely

Offer a genuine and heartfelt apology for the actions that led to the breach of trust. Take responsibility for the pain caused and express your desire to make amends.

A genuine and heartfelt apology can work wonders in rebuilding trust. 

When you take responsibility for the pain caused and express your desire to make amends, it demonstrates your dedication to rebuilding trust and healing the wounds that may have emerged.

8. Patience and Time

Rebuilding trust is a gradual process that requires both partners to be patient and committed. 

Trust cannot be rebuilt overnight, but with genuine effort and understanding, it can be nurtured and strengthened over time, paving the way for a stronger and more resilient relationship.

9. Establish Boundaries

Boundaries are like the fence that safeguards trust in a relationship. 

When you set clear and mutually agreed-upon boundaries, it creates a sense of safety and respect, allowing both partners to feel secure in their emotional space. 

Openly discussing expectations helps ensure that both individuals’ needs are honored, nurturing a relationship built on trust and understanding.  

But keep in mind that application of boundaries is more of an art than it is exact science.

Focus on managing your expectations and giving your partner unlimited freedom to express their expectations.

10. Demonstrate Reliability

Reliability is one of the backbone of trust in a relationship. 

By consistently showing up for your partner and keeping your promises, you build a foundation of dependability and faith, reinforcing the belief that you can be counted on through thick and thin. 

Small gestures of reliability, like being punctual and attentive, further cement the trust between you both, fostering a deeper emotional connection and a sense of security in your relationship.

11. Avoid Deception

In the realm of trust-building, wisdom guides our approach to honesty and transparency. 

While honesty remains essential, exercise discernment in how and when you communicate. 

Strive for authentic communication that considers your partner’s emotions and the context of the situation.

Balancing truthfulness with sensitivity fosters trust in a relationship, creating a safe space where open communication thrives, even in emotionally charged moments. 

Embrace wisdom as your compass, steering you towards building a bond grounded in trust and understanding.

12. Seek Professional Help

When navigating the complex terrain of rebuilding trust, don’t hesitate to seek the assistance of a couples therapist, relationship counselor, or coach. 

These trained professionals offer a fresh perspective, helping both partners gain valuable insights and develop effective tools to overcome challenges and strengthen trust in the relationship. 

Embracing professional support is a powerful step towards fostering open communication and healing, leading to a more resilient and harmonious bond.

13. Practice Forgiveness

In the journey of rebuilding trust, practicing forgiveness is a transformative act of healing. 

While it may be challenging, work towards forgiveness, without imposing unrealistic expectations on yourself or your partner. 

Remember, forgiveness is a deeply personal process, and seeking support from a therapist or counselor can provide valuable guidance as you navigate this journey with patience and compassion, ultimately fostering a stronger foundation of trust in your relationship.

14. Build Self-Trust

Before trusting others, it’s essential to cultivate trust within yourself. 

Prioritize self-care, set healthy boundaries, and follow through on your commitments to strengthen your self-trust. 

As you become more confident in your own integrity, trusting others becomes a natural extension, fostering a solid and authentic foundation of trust in your relationship.

15. Be Accountable

Accountability is a cornerstone of trust in a relationship. 

It’s about owning up to your mistakes and taking responsibility for your actions. 

When you show your partner that you are committed to personal growth and positive change, it not only rebuilds trust but also strengthens the bond of mutual respect and admiration.

16. Be Transparent

Transparency is vital in rebuilding trust while still respecting individuality and privacy. 

Strive to share information openly, especially when it pertains to rebuilding trust, but also recognize the importance of maintaining a healthy level of personal boundaries. 

Being an open book doesn’t mean sacrificing your right to privacy, so find a balance that fosters trust and respect for each other’s individuality. 

Embrace transparency as a way to nurture a deeper understanding and connection with your partner, without compromising on the need for personal space and privacy.

17. Demonstrate Consistency

In the process of rebuilding trust, consistency is the key that unlocks the door to a more secure and fulfilling relationship. 

Align your words and actions consistently, showing your partner that they can rely on you. 

This steadfastness reassures them that you are trustworthy and genuinely committed to positive change, fostering a sense of safety and stability in your bond. 

Remember, trust is built over time through consistent efforts, so let your actions speak louder than words as you walk the path of trust-building together.

18. Show Appreciation

In the journey of rebuilding trust, expressing genuine appreciation for your partner’s efforts is like watering the seeds of trust, allowing them to grow and flourish. 

Recognize their vulnerability and the courageous steps they are taking to heal the relationship, reinforcing their sense of value and importance in your life. 

A little appreciation goes a long way, nurturing a deeper emotional connection and encouraging both partners to continue investing in building a strong foundation of trust.

19. Practice Empathy

Empathy is the heart of trust-building, allowing you to bridge the gap between you and your partner. 

Put yourself in their shoes and strive to understand the depth of their pain and emotions. 

By showing genuine empathy and compassion, you create a nurturing space where healing and understanding can flourish, laying the groundwork for rebuilding trust and deepening your emotional connection.

20. Let Go of Resentment

Rebuilding trust requires letting go of past resentments and releasing the grip of anger. 

Carrying grudges only hinders the healing process and prevents true growth. 

Again, embrace forgiveness as a powerful tool for moving forward, allowing both partners to focus on building a brighter future together, free from the weight of past grievances.

21. Initiate Couples Activities

Participating in shared activities strengthens the bond between partners and nurtures trust in a relationship.

Whether it’s enjoying shared hobbies, going on date nights, or creating new experiences together, these activities create positive memories that serve as a foundation for rebuilding trust and enhancing emotional connection.

Creating new experiences when the opportunity presents itself will naturally erase bad old experiences.

22. Focus on Self-Improvement

In the journey of rebuilding trust, prioritizing self-improvement is a powerful step towards building a healthier relationship. 

Investing in emotional intelligence, communication skills, and self-awareness enables you to better navigate challenges, address your own triggers, and create a more fulfilling connection with your partner. 

As you grow individually, you bring greater strength and understanding to the relationship, fostering trust and harmony between you both.

23. Celebrate Progress

In the process of rebuilding trust, acknowledging and celebrating every step forward is essential. 

Each small victory reaffirms the dedication to heal and strengthens the resolve to nurture a strong and healthy relationship. 

Embrace the journey of progress, knowing that with patience, effort, and celebration of milestones, trust will flourish, and your relationship will blossom into an even more resilient and loving bond.

Conclusion

As you’ve learned, rebuilding trust is a journey that demands dedication and compassion from both partners. 

By embracing the strategies outlined above – from open communication to practicing forgiveness and empathy – you can begin to mend the fractures in your relationship and nurture a deeper connection with your loved one.

We have been through this rebuilding trust in a relationship.  So if you’re ready to take the next step in restoring trust and strengthening your bond, we invite you to download our free book “Get My Marriage Back.”

Packed with practical tools, and our real-life success stories, this book offers invaluable insights to guide you on the path to healing, seducing your partner, boosting attraction and rebuilding a loving, lasting relationship with your romantic partner.

Don’t wait any longer. Click the link below to access your free copy of “Get My Marriage Back” now: Download our book.

Together, let’s embark on this transformative journey of trust-building and reignite the flame of love and understanding in your relationship. Your future of trust, love, and happiness awaits. Download your free book today.

Can you rebuild trust in a relationship?

Yes, trust can be rebuilt in a relationship with intentional effort and commitment from both partners.

What does trust mean in a relationship?

Trust in a relationship means having confidence in your partner’s reliability, honesty, and loyalty.

How do you fully trust a relationship?

To fully trust a relationship, it requires open communication, vulnerability, and consistent actions that align with words.

How do you resolve trust issues?

Trust issues can be resolved through honest conversations, active listening, understanding each other’s perspectives, and working towards rebuilding trust.

What is the base of trust in relationship?

The base of trust in a relationship is built on integrity, honesty, dependability, and consistent actions that demonstrate reliability and commitment to the partnership.

5 “Do’s & Don’ts” During Separation in Marriage (ft Obodo Oyinbo TV)

Quick story.  So my husband was on Aunty B’s platform, Obodo Oyinbo TV, in the past few days oh my God… he ended up becoming an overnight detective.

A man had called him before he called into a show making wild claims about women in Nigeria and as usual, it was obvious to him that this man was speaking from personal experience.

The truth is that we have both men and women who perpetuate this terrible behavior once they have had  traumatic experiences in marriage or relationships.

And nothing good comes out of it.

So we want to share 5 “do’s & don’ts” if you happen to be in a separation from your marriage at this moment.  

We  know you will be tempted to destroy your future relationship if you don’t know these things so please, pay attention.

Thing Number 5

Don’t Focus on Whose Fault; It’s Irrelevant

After about 30,000 views, what I always knew was confirmed.  He was projecting from his personal experiences.

He is presently separated from his wife who he had met in Nigeria while visiting.  So the wife had recently asked for divorce.

So he decided he wanted to help others who may be captured by the evil women who are poor and live in Nigeria; according to him.

After getting dragged on that platform so many times, there was one thing that really stood out to me and this is it.

He was obsessed with who was at fault for the demise of the marriage.  Not just that, we are talking about a need to spell out every fault at every stop since he met the lady.

If you are in separation and you want the outcome of the process to be positive, you have two choices.

Decide that no one is at fault or… 

The 2nd choice, which is “both of you are at fault”; unless of course, someone had a gun to their head during the decision to engage in a romantic way.

Thing Number 4

Don’t Attempt Saving Others Before Healing

Don’t Attempt Saving Others Before Healing

So we get it.  You’ve just gone through a very traumatic situation and experience.  Your experience is valid but you need to believe that.

Naturally, if you consider yourself “nice” or “good”, you might want to jump out there and save everyone else from people like your ex-partner who is now a bad person I guess…

Don’t do it.  You will end up re-creating your own version of your experience in others and they will effectively project it further into our society… 

…when it is in-fact, not necessarily their experience.

It’s a fact that your ex-partner had their own experience. This is why those who don’t know any better end up calling each other liars; making things worse.

Stay away from trying to help others until you make sure you’ve gone through healing.

And have peace with the idea that it’s not necessarily anyone’s fault.

Thing Number 3

Let Go In Every Sense

Let Go In Every Sense

Generally speaking, letting go is one of the hardest things for humans to do.  People would yell out things like “I don’t care” with such anger.

You would be left to wonder…”Do you believe that you don’t care or you need to convince yourself even more?”

It’s confusing at best.  Sure you should be able to tell your story.  But you should only do it within a controlled context and environment.

Letting go, self control and awareness is key but hard.  Have you noticed that you enjoy talking so much about your ex-partner particularly in a bad light?

Thing Number 2

Engage a Wise Counsel

There is a good chance you are not able to smell your own breath.  You can barely see your own nose.  Maybe if you calm down, you can at least see a blurry version of it.

The point I am making is this.  Separation from a marriage is tough on a human heart.  Take some time off and engage wise counsel.

We all have a blind spot by default.  So how much more when everything you believed when it comes to romance is being questioned.

Thing Number 1

Don’t Generalize! It’s a sign of a weak person…

Don’t Generalize! It’s a sign of a weak person…

Let me ask that question I asked previously again.  Have you noticed that you enjoy talking so much about your ex-partner particularly in a bad light?

Or maybe this time, you’ve managed to camouflage it as a generalized story that you have become an evangelist for.

You find yourself saying things like “American women are not good wives.”  You’ve perfected the art of saying “All Nigerian men are cheaters.”

I’m just gonna be straight up with you.  There is no better way to tell us that you need counseling and possibly therapy than showcasing a habit of generalizing.

It’s a red flag.  You shouldn’t be advising or trying to save anyone.

It’s projection at best.  There is no way that you know enough people to be capable of generalizing in the name of helping someone.

You will end up making more people toxic than you help if at all..

We are speaking from experience.  We share our own story inside the book “GET MY MARRIAGE BACK” which  you can download for free at www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

Please support this video by hitting the thumbs up and share with us below what you’d like us to cover on the next video. 

5 Positive Signs During Separation

Quick story.  About 7 months ago, she decided to go for trial separation but things have basically been in a limbo since then.

At the time, she was 8 months pregnant and taking care of 2 kids at the same time with no help whatsoever from the husband.  

She would complain but he would just apologize and promise to work on it; then repeat the same cycle over again.

So she got tired of the empty promises and went for the trial separation.  She thinks she is seeing some changes now but not too sure if he’s faking it or he’s actually doing the work.

There have been times in the past that she thought things were better even up to a year ago, forgave… but now… she wouldn’t even allow him to touch her.

She claims the sex was horrible because of how she felt towards him at the initiation of the trial separation.

Though she took full responsibility for her portion of the decline in the marriage, he refused to see any issues which left her with no choice but to let him figure himself out.

Hence the separation that started 7 months ago.

Now, she is feeling much better but wants to know if there are any positive signs to look out for during this separation to determine if it’s working in the favor of the marriage or if it’s a lost cause.

So we want to share just five signs with you to look out for to determine if a good and healthy reunion is in sight.

Sign Number 5

Becoming Friends

Becoming FriendsSadly in these modern times, most people trying to fight for their marriage end up in big English grammatical echo chambers where all they will learn is how to diagnose their partners psychologically.

You will hear diagnoses such as narcissism, controlling, insecure etc… to the point where they don’t know how to recognize normal interaction any longer.

The sad part is that people, even when they are not professionals or have any experience, will make blanket bold statements such as once a… (fill in the blank)… always a (fill in the blank.)

So it becomes extremely hard to see a simple positive sign in separation such as becoming friends again.

This one thing is priceless and you can’t buy it with money.  Believe it or not, you can buy a wife, a husband, a girl or boyfriend.  But you can’t buy a friend.

So if you are in the middle of separation and you are noticing that friendship is finding its way back, that is a strong foundation to build upon if you are willing.

Sign Number 4

Sharing Space

Well, the whole point of separation also involves physical distance.  But we are humans and distance, they say, makes the heart fonder.

This is especially true if there was some type of friendship before things went completely left.  If that was the case, friends who are also lovers tend to find their way back into the same space.

Maybe not necessarily living under the same roof, but you find that you are able to share space together even if it’s with other mutual friends.  

That, my friend, is a great foundation to start working on your marriage together.

Many separated couples do not have that luxury and it’s worth appreciating and leveraging as a positive sign during your separation.

Again… simple but powerful.

Sign Number 3

Share Entertainment

Share EntertainmentEvery separation comes with some damages that can creep back as resentments and try to destroy your marriage even after reconciliation and reuniting back together.  

With the right tools, you can and will sustain such forces.

You are in a team together so you ultimately have a better leverage against any outside forces if you are aware of your power as a team.

Quick story.  

For us… even after creating some damage, we would end up sitting and watching TV shows together, sharing links of memes, funny and viral videos back and forth.

If you are blessed with this type of scenario, that is a positive sign during separation.

Sign Number 2

Acceptance

Naturally you are observing your partner.  

 

I say that because you may be using the “no contact rule” as a tool to boost attraction but hopefully-primarily to take time to boost your self confidence and self esteem.

But naturally you are observing your partner… at least occasionally.  

We are talking about your spouse here… in the middle of probably the painful experience of separation on both sides.

So you are observing if we are being honest.  

In that observation, are you noticing more acceptance of the reality of the possibility of the marriage ending for good?

I know this may be counter-intuitive.

But if you are noticing this, that’s what you need because it’s a sign of wholesomeness on your partner’s part. It means the quality of being beneficial and generally good for you.

When you are self-sustainable as individuals, you dramatically increase the chance that your marriage will be self-sustainable and not drain life out of one or both of you.

Let me ask you a question… 

Can you personally and confidently survive and thrive if you have to do that without your husband?

Please answer in the comment space below.

Sign Number 1

Sex

SexListen. You are humans like the rest of us here.  If you mistakenly broke your own rule and have sex with your partner during separation, that’s could be a positive sign.

Sex can also be a negative sign.  You may just be addicted to a terrible sex-based relationship.  

If you are D or P whipped, when you clearly feel terrible emotionally after the session, that’s a negative sign.

But if you lined up the other signs from sign number five to two that we previously shared with you, this is definitely a positive sign that you can turn into a foundation.

Speaking of foundation…

Don’t attempt reconciliation or getting back together without engaging in good counsel, coaching or therapy.  Healing is necessary in order to not create the same bad cycle all over again.

We are speaking from experience.  We share our own story inside the book “GET MY MARRIAGE BACK” which  you can download for free at www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

Please support this video by hitting the thumbs up and share with us below what you’d like us to cover on the next video.

Unwanted Separation? Use THESE 5 Tips! (re: Ignoring Your Spouse During Separation 💔)

https://youtu.be/Yu9VusO0t6M

Unwanted Separation? Use THESE 5 Tips! So we received a comment on one of the best videos we’ve ever done called “Ignoring Your Spouse During Separation” from one of our 1,125 extremely valuable subscribers on YouTube; Queen.

Make sure you search and check out that video once  you finish watching this video.

She says… And I quote

“Going thru separation. I love and miss my husband. He asked to be alone for a year. What do I do while we are living apart?”

Queen. I’m sorry you are going through this.  Separation is not easy on anyone.  As devastating as it sounds, it sometimes can yield positive outcomes. 

In fact, we are going to share 5 tips with you on how to dramatically increase the chance of making this season productive for you especially in spite of what it may feel like right now.

Tip Number 5

Identify Why

The marriage institution is exactly that; an institution.  And all disrespect of the institution will lead to a terrible outcome which is a legal or spiritual evaporation of the marriage.

One of such disrespects happens when people get into marriages that lack explicitly identified purpose.  It’s also synonymous with a marriage with no clear vision from the leader.

So if there is no leader, even if it’s temporarily, there is no vision and things fall apart.

At this point, Queen… you have to be realistic and identify your own life mission and purpose.  

It’s going to be instrumental in attracting your husband back to you if he belongs there in the first place.

Major focus has to be directed to building yourself up because it’s about being worthy of attracting what you desire; even if that’s your marriage and/or your husband.

Whatever you engage henceforth should either be your passion or some type of stepping stone towards your passion.

Identify Why

Tip Number 4

Forgive Yourself

There is a tricky fine line between holding yourself accountable and not forgiving yourself.  Everything in life is a double edged sword that can cut both ways.

Holding yourself accountable when your marriage seems to be failing is no different.  You want to make sure that you’ve forgiven yourself for at least being what you may be perceiving as failure.

After all, failure is the stepping stone towards all forms of success. 

Guilt, blame, condemnation and judgement will work against you because they will consume 10 times the  energy you could use to improve yourself in order to attract love and your desires again. 

Tip Number 3 

Let Him Go

He wants time off, let him go.   The truth is that negotiating desire is always a terrible strategy because it leads back into this vicious cycle of resenting yourself.

If your husband has asked to be alone for a year, the reality is that he doesn’t want to be alone because he is human; a social being like the rest of us.  He just doesn’t want to be with you again.

At least subconsciously, you also know this to be true so you naturally fight to hold on to your husband evidently by begging, calling obsessively, manipulation and other strategies that only repel and not attract love.

So the fear becomes, “what if I let go and then he gets with someone else”?

Okay.  What if he does?  I ask you.  Can you survive that reality?  If you can’t survive that reality, where is the sexy self-confidence and self-esteem that attracted him in the first place? 

It’s little to no wonder why he doesn’t want to be with you.

Here is another reality. That’s just how he felt the moment it was said.  It’s not necessarily how he is going to feel once he smells that you don’t need him ever again.  

To want him and to need him are two different things.  No one wants to be with a needy person.

So the first step is to let him go in order to let your magic… maybe God…. do its thing.  

There is more.

Let Him Go

Tip Number 2

Build Self Love

We’ve seen a lot of people running around social media and different types of conversations talking about “self love”.

Let’s be honest.  Some people are too selfish and should not be talking about self love if they don’t want to self-sabotage when it comes to attracting authentic love over time.

But in your case Queen, rejection breeds obsession.  So you are probably pouring from an empty cup and not taking care of yourself enough.  That’s not attractive nor is it sustainable.

In this season for you, the work is in taking care of and loving up on yourself.  

I understand it’s hard when you experience rejection especially when it involves a potential break up of your family.

But remember that everything goes back to attraction and desire which you should never negotiate.  People, including your husband, really have no choice but to mimic the level of self love that you have for yourself.

At the minimum, people will mimic your level of self-respect.  Focus on doing things you love and for yourself during this period and don’t have ultimatums on doing that.

Make it a lifestyle.

I have a question for you.  Are you naturally a selfish person?

Use the comment area below to share your answer with us.

There is a chance that you are already not a selfish person.  So it’s time to pivot and it’s your best chance of attracting love with or without your husband.

I know you are probably so obsessed that you don’t want to hear about love outside of your husband.  But think about this deeply.  Love is love and it really wouldn’t matter when you are in-love.

It also doesn’t matter because loving yourself will make you more attractive and therefore increase your chances of attracting anyone to desire you; hopefully your husband.

And last but not least.

Tip Number 1

Look Out For Clarity

Okay.  I don’t want you to set yourself up because honestly that marriage is gone.  Because even if your husband comes back to you, you will have to build a new foundation.

When we say look out for clarity, we need you to do that from a space of selfishness and what is good for your own life and the rest of your life.

I don’t want you to sit around and start expecting your husband to suddenly decide to come back to his senses.  Nothing in life is guaranteed.

Look Out For Clarity

If he comes back, good for him… and for you I hope.

With these tips, you will definitely influence him if he is human like the rest of us because he will wonder and become unsure of where you stand. 

That will effectively drive his attraction towards you in an upwards direction.

But you can’t control what other people do.  You can only control how you respond to life and consequently control what you attract.

Things will start to align when you let go and genuinely become capable of enjoying every moment of your life without needing him.

We are speaking from experience.  We share our own story inside the book “GET MY MARRIAGE BACK” which  you can download for free at www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

Please support this video by hitting the thumbs up and share with us below what you’d like us to cover on the next video. 

ACCOUNTABILITY vs RESPONSIBILITY – “If I Have To Protect You, Why Can’t I Hold You Accountable.” [PART 2]

Accountability Vs Blame In Relationships & Marriage

Thank you so much for being here.  Please support the channel by hitting the like button, sharing the video and more importantly, sharing your thoughts and engaging in the comment area below.

In my last video before part 1 on Will Smith’s apology video, I talked about blame as a function of baseless guilt and shaming.

Accountability on the flip side is a function of a solid foundation and set of values that all involved parties have subscribed to.

When you hold people accountable, you should be holding them to account for agreed standards within the right frame of mind.  But when you mix that up with blame, shame, insults, there will be distortion of what the standards are… naturally.

I personally have to continually work on this when I hold men accountable.  It’s hard when I can clearly see the wrong to not use certain languages to express my frustrations.

I tend to say things like lame, incel, weak etc.

Shaming, blaming, insults, condemnations simply cannot be in the same space as accountability in relationships, marriage and any type or romantic context.

I do have to keep my foot on your neck.  Gentlemen, we have to figure this out.

5 Signs of Lack of Accountability In Relationships & Marriage

Lack of Accountability

Sign Number 5 – When you tend to use shaming, blaming, insults, condemnations and judgmental tactics, it’s a sign that your woman is having a hard time holding herself accountable to you.

Sign Number 4 – The use of the words “always” and “never”.  Here is an example, “you never listen to me.”  Such statements are lies by default and definitely signs of lack of self-accountability which “always: (no pun intended) turns to overall lack of accountability.

Sign Number 3 – Confusing lack of desire and lack of accountability is a sign of lack of self accountability and self-respect… and it’s worse.

Sign Number 2 – When you are confused between protecting her feelings vs making sure she feels protected while “holding her accountable” that’s a sign that will defeat accountability.

Sign Number 1 – Last but not least, active competition in any form between couples is a sign of lack of accountability on at least whoever is claiming to be the leader of the union.

When men talk about holding women accountable, there is usually a piece of information that I find missing.

“Exactly what are you holding her accountable to?”  

At this point, the rambling usually starts for three minutes and then maybe ends at “women never apologize.”

Remember what I said earlier about the use of the words “always” and “never”.  It’s a sign of lack of self-accountability and ignorance.

I do believe you should be able to at least hold yourself accountable for not being able to leave a terrible relationship.  That in itself is an undefeatable strategy to holding women accountable.

But when I see stuff like.. 

“Hold women accountable by leaving them alone with their kids and cats,” I am forced to look at you sideways and ask. Why do you feel the need for the insults?

Is the truth not good enough?  Is that a testament to why you are having a hard time holding your woman accountable?  

Is this why you keep asking women to allow you to lead?  Just questions…

Your truth is not good enough for women to be accountable to?

accountable woman

A lot of people having these conversations are real time case studies of the lack of accountability epidemics.  It’s contagious.

Because of their conduct evident by women being afraid to come on the panel for the discussions, it’s obvious to me why women will simply not listen to them.

And if they did, they tend to call them out on emotions in attempts to lead and hold them accountable… Clearly, it’s not working but then it’s supposed to be the woman’s fault.

I hear things like “I was respectful and she hits me with disrespect.”  

Again, continuing to engage such a person (not just a woman) tells me you lack self respect. This will be a good moment to practice self-accountability.

Women are not just going to submit to you just for being a man.  That’s being delusional and that’s not the reality of life in any society.

You get the basic bare minimum respect first and it’s easy to lose that with the mindset that all women should submit regardless.

Delusional people tend to use the word “should” a whole lot.

Having an opinion on strangers and the general public is not the same as holding them accountable.  What could you possibly be holding them accountable to other than your own delusions?

If a person is already disagreeing with you in a debate, you can’t just move the goal post and switch it to an attempt to hold them accountable.  That’s why you are failing.

By default, they are not agreeable because you are equally in debate with them.

Here are some real life questions and weird answers around holding women accountable

Question: What do I do if my girlfriend never accepts her mistakes?

A Stupid Answer: “My suggestion is to just run from this toxic person….even I had a girlfriend who never used to accept her mistake…and she was trying to ruin my life…50 percent damage was already done by her to me so in order to save my future…I stopped contacting her…I am happy now… RUN…SAVE YOURSELF…”

The Right Answer: This answer is projection at best.  If she never accepts her mistakes, the first step is to set a good tone and the second step is to have a conversation about it.

Frankly, I need to know her mistakes before I can help because you used the word “never.”  That makes your accusations a lie by default until proven otherwise.

Question: Why doesn’t my girlfriend take responsibility for her wrong doings in our relationship and why do I apologize in the end?

A Stupid Answer: Why, indeed? Never falsely apologize. That’s a lie. Worse, you lie to yourself. This person you refer to as your girlfriend is a drama queen. She hears nothing other than her own voice. Selfish as they come. I don’t care how cute she appears on the outside, she’s dark and ugly on the inside. You will continue to be treated badly if you don’t put a stop to this. Next time you apologize let it be for your mistake of putting up with her.

The Right Answer: This started off as an okay answer but at the end it was laced with shaming, blaming and insults.  

As much as the answer was, I guess, designed to make the asker of the question feel good, he probably felt worse because of the past choices and the focus becomes that.

Blame is 100% destructive at a psychological level.  It ignores all the processes that go into the choices that we make.  Stop confusing it with accountability.  

Relationship Accountability Spectrum

Relationship Accountability Spectrum

So there is a spectrum here that I stole nicely from a Dr Perel called the relationship accountability spectrum. It was used to categorize ghosting in dating to icing, passive, simmering, power parting and active cold ghosting.

WIth the same idea, think of holding a woman accountable as four different methods on a spectrum.

1. Holding just yourself accountable, a typical good woman will follow your lead anyway. 

2. Mostly holding yourself accountable, a typical good woman will give you enough grace even when you are weak and still follow your lead anyway. 

3. Mostly holding her accountable, a typical good woman will give you enough grace, try to follow your lead but may get tired of the bullshit.  

4. Focus all your energy on holding just her alone accountable by barking at her from time to time, a typical good woman will give you enough grace, try to follow your lead but will get tired of the bullshit las las.

Where do you fall on that spectrum?

A bad woman?  Hold yourself accountable and leave. Easier said than done… right?


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