Broken Marriage?
Fix it Here FREE

Get My Marriage Back

Posted on

Love & Marriage: Huntsville 💔 Season 2 (11 LESSONS from a Married Couple)

Today’s lesson is from reviewing one of our favourites shows to watch;

Love & Marriage: Huntsville

featuring 3 of our favourite couples to watch on TV:

  • Martel and Melody Holt 
  • Marsau and Latisha Scott AND
  • Maurice Scott and Kimmy Grant

These are 3 couples like any other couples in the world

with the only difference being the magnifying glass of the OWN on them. (The Oprah Winfrey’s Network) 

In this season, Martel took a big L…

which means Melody took it as well by default because this is a marriage at the end of the day.

Marsau stepped up his family leadership game quite a bit,

while Latisha still seemed to struggle with insecurity even beyond their nuclear family.

Maurice was presented with a new type of challenge associated with fatherhood within the context of stepping carefully and maybe on eggshells.

We are going to break it down.

My name is LOLA

And I am OLA

I am the co-author of the book 

GET MY MARRIAGE BACK with my wife LOLA

…which you can download for free at www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

Is Marriage Harder Because They Are On TV?

It is important to note that every one of these couples have had to deal with additional layers of challenges to deal with.

They have had to and will continue to have to deal with and process millions of public opinions about their own life,

with an unfair level of focus on their flaws and shortcomings.

So that’s never easy.

Nonetheless, we’ve extracted a few lessons for those of us

in or looking forward to being in a healthy marriage so that we can avoid as many of these mistakes as possible.

We appreciate them for their vulnerability so that we can all learn from their example.

Hopefully, they will stumble into this video some day and find value in it; we are not holding our breath on that. Although that will be sweet.

So how did we stumble into this show?

1st Season – Love & Marriage: Huntsville

PREVIOUS POST: 5 Signs Your Wife Never Really Loved You

We have been watching the show from the beginning

when the first episode aired in January 2019 which is a little less than a year of our 2nd phase in marriage.

Our 1st phase crashed at the 9 years mark when you asked me for divorce.  It took me a year and change to attract you back… right?

What we learned is that everything had to crash all the way down to a place where the marriage was “irretrievably broken” with “no prospects for a reconciliation.”

So we are blessed to be able to come back together.

And we naturally love watching these types of marriage related shows together.

We’ve learned a lot and want to continue to share  the lessons.

The 2nd season just wrapped up without a reunion in sight and I am suspecting it’s because of the amount of damages between Martell and Melody’s marriage.

So Martell & Melody Have Been the Stars of this Season in a Negative Way Right?

Unfortunately yes!  In fact, they have finalized their divorce at press time.

But it was avoidable knowing well that they are both still fired up with so much passion when they engage each other… although, mostly in a very toxic way.

So Martell seeks Maurice’s advice in this one particular scene and he pointed something important out to him that you just alluded to.

As you know, Maurice has been through divorce already so he has a more accurate context to offer advice from.

In that scene, you saw Martell admit to not wanting a divorce but we’ve seen him play the victim over and over in very childish ways.

Maurice did a really good job explaining the collateral damages that everyone,

especially the kids, is bound to pay for the rest of their lives.

So… 

Lesson #1 – Divorce Creates Collateral Damages for Everyone

What was the Best Lesson Moment of the Season?

I do think the best advice came from Marsau when he said to Martell…

“I would be so happy when you guys hit rock bottom.”

“Why do you say that?” Asked Martell.

“You can’t build up until you hit rock bottom and the way you guys are going,

I feel like you keep trying to catch yourselves from hitting and you are not getting it.

You don’t know how strong you are until you hit it and it DON’T kill you.”

I thought there were a lot of insights in that from Marsau.

We went through a similar experience and you did not listen to me (not necessarily literally) until you felt that you have hit a rock bottom.

But guess what.

When I asked you for divorce, that was rock bottom for you as an individual but I also did not come back until I felt a form of rock bottom.

There are many ways to feel rock bottom and it doesn’t have to be a terrible experience like divorce in your own marriage.

It could also come from being a perpetual student of marriage and reading enough stories of rock bottoms that you can feel empathy for.

On our next video, we will elaborate more on what it means to be a perpetual student of marriage and how to use it to build a healthy and joy-filled marriage.

Lesson #2 – To Enjoy Marriage, Be A Perpetual Student of Marriage

How is this Connected to Martell & Melody’s Marriage Crash?

Martell and (to be fair) Melody were not perpetual students of marriage just like most married people in today’s society.

But typical men like Martell need to understand that…

Lesson #3 – In love and war, all is fair.  

TRENDING: Unhappy Marriage But Can’t Leave ❤️ Does he Love Me⁉️

Men need to pick one of these two.

Do you want to be right and fair or you want to be a respected and trusted husband that your wife consensually submits to?  

So the only way they could experience rock bottom which is the best context for building marriage is to experience rock bottom in real life.

It can absolutely be avoided by not keeping scores with each other (which Martell did a good job at) and learning from other people’s rock bottom.

Lesson #4 – Leverage Other People’s Rock Bottom Story

They are in real estate; they should know all about leveraging other people money and resources to build anything worthwhile.

So what is going on in the Marriage of Maurice & Kimmy?

Maurice is a guy who really has good intentions when it comes to helping his adult step son but he needs to learn how to back off a little bit.

Lesson #5 – In Marriage, Good Intentions Are Overrated.

Although Kimmy loves him very much, it seems like she would appreciate him to back off her baby a little… to put it nicely.

She wouldn’t admit that to avoid hurting his feelings of course; but the body language speaks volume and people should learn how to read a little mind… 

… at least in between the lines.

Bonus Lesson – In Marriage, You Have to Read Minds a Little

You Think Marsau is Better Than Last Season?

I think so but he could always do better.

The advice he gave Martell was pretty insightful but application can often present as a whole different monster when it comes to marriages.

Lesson #6 – In Marriage, Application & Theory Are Worlds Apart

He is listening quite a lot better to his wife without coming off as controlling and judgemental but I also think he was not tested as much in this season.

Last season, he was tested by the very fact that the wife wanted to step out and be aggressive with her career personally.

He handled that poorly by actively pushing against her when all he needed to do was to be supportive and allow her to explore and exhaust that option.

One thing I know is that people always come back to their center with time.   

If she belonged in that world of a career woman, he would find a new center but she would give him so much credit to overcompensate for that.

And if she didn’t belong there, as it seems now, she would come back to her center which is the focus on being a mom and a little extension of that to her podcast which is about being a mom.  

But the credit she gives him will feel a lot sweeter.

As men, we really need to practice infinite patience and avoid keeping scores with our ladies in any capacity.  

From my experience, whatever you give a woman, she multiplies.

Lesson #7 – In Marriage, Leadership Requires Infinite Patience

Lesson #8 – In Marriage, Avoid Keeping Scores & Lead by Example

Lesson #9 – Whatever you give a woman, she multiplies.

Do You Think Marsau Needs to Back Off His Mother In-Law?

Absolutely.

He may claim that this is how their relationship is and we should mind our business but I can see that backfiring from a blind spot later.

Latisha has a lot going on emotionally.  She is demonstrating quite a bit of insecurity especially with respect to her needy behavior with Melody.

She seems like the type of person that can weaponize that kind of thing against her own marriage.  

The way Marsau relates with his mother-in-law can be  later used by Latisha in efforts to support other cases against her own marriage.

Sure it’s family, but he needs to treat his mother-in-law and every woman like a lady always.  The banters can still find a place to fit in that.

Lesson #10 – A Man Must Treat Every Woman in His Life Like a Lady.

In Conclusion, What Do You Think About Martell’s Apology on Steve Harvey’s Radio Show?

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

I think it’s a bad idea.

I am not a fan of premature unsolicited apologies because they can come off as manipulative and a continuity to past bad behavior.

We will cover this in the next video in detail.

Steve Harvey made a case for a public apology since Melody was humiliated publicly but that’s common sense; common sense is a terrible guide to marriage and relationships.

There are underlying emotions and triggers that can come from the weirdest feelings…

so much wisdom is required beyond common sense.

In fact and in most cases, what you are doing is perpetuating the embarrassment that she has been experiencing with the marriage fall-out on public display.

Martell should have taken enough time to work on himself first, find himself, nurture a healthy relationship with the mother of his kids.

Regardless of the divorce, it is in his best interest to treat Melody like a queen for the rest of his life and a need for apology will present in a proper and non-awkward way in due time.

It may not even EVER be necessary. 

Lesson #11 – Avoid Tendering Unsolicited Apologies.

We have been through every single one of the emotions displayed in Love and Marriage: Huntsville and we cover our story in detail inside our book GET MY MARRIAGE BACK.

You can download it for free at: www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

Also, you will see an opportunity to book a coaching session with us.

Posted on

5 Signs Your Wife Never Really Loved You

In this lesson, we will be sharing 5 signs your wife never really loved you. 

If you are here right now, it means you are either in doubt or have reached a stumbling wall in your marriage. 

Marriages are often sweet in the beginning… in the in-love moment right?

But once the excitement and fun is over, most people start to feel like they are in a nightmare.

Ever heard of “marriage is not a bed of roses”

What that simply means is there will be highs and lows in your marriage. 

If you meet anyone in life who tells you their marriage is always rosy, they must be perfect and full of shit.

As we all know, no such human exists in this world.

With all that being said, if all you have experienced in your marriage is judgement, abuse and condemnation, here are 5 signs your wife really never loved you.

My name is LOLA and I am the co-author of the book 

GET MY MARRIAGE BACK with my husband OLA

…which you can download for free at www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

Alright this is OLA… 

1st Sign – She Does Not Respect You

Ever heard of a quote that says… 

“When a woman doesn’t respect you, she can’t love you?”

She cannot love at least in the moment in time.

So in recent times, you’ve noticed a few things that come off as disrespectful.

You noticed that your wife puts you down in front of her friends and family and you happen to always be the butt of her jokes.

In fact, she talks about you in a way that almost seems like you disgust her. 

Also, she never lets you get out a thought before she shuts you up and down. 

She just seems like she can’t be bothered by you while she actively complains about everything you do and chastises your every move.

When in argument (which you should be actively avoiding), she is quick to attempt to or put her hands on you. 

I feel your pain; it must hurt.

If this has happened since the beginning, she probably never loved you; but that’s only if it’s been that way from the beginning.

For the most part, it’s never like that from the beginning.  

Something happened at some point and it’s in the best interest of your marriage to find out when because she probably is just not in love with you at the moment.

What’s the next sign?

2nd Sign That She Was Never in Love – Indifference

PREVIOUS POST: Latoya Forever’s 10 Implicit Lessons from the Divorce

Indifference in marriages leads to nowhere but the death of a marriage. 

Marriage requires constant care and effort physically and emotionally. 

If your wife is not interested in what you are doing and she never cares about what you are up to, that’s her being indifferent. 

She doesn’t even acknowledge your presence. 

You can be chatting with the most beautiful woman in the world and she doesn’t care what you say about her.

I know what you are thinking.

“What if she is just being confident and not the jealous type?”

Well I’m sorry to burst your bubble, you are confused because obviously you are here to find some answers right?

Most women are naturally territorial and will protect their marriages if anything feels like encroachment on that territory. 

They are not necessarily trying to own their spouses.  But it’s only natural when a wife is  committed to a marriage enough to want to protect it. 

Studies say most people are not able to come back once indifference sets in. 

If she has always been indifferent, there is a good chance she was never in love with you.

What’s the next sign?

3rd Sign – She Avoids Sex

Sex is an important part of marriage and if its lacking, it makes people cranky. 

There are so many reasons that people end up in sexless marriages such as loss of connection, lack of communication, infidelity, trust issues, low libido and health issues.

Now with all that being said, you feel your situation is different. 

Infact she doesn’t pressure you for sex except when she want to have babies. 

You are probably in deep shit.

When a woman pushes you away when you try to touch her or seems disgusted at the sight of your nakedness, I can respect your concerns.

The worst part for most people experiencing this is when she makes weird excuses like 

“I’m fasting” 

…and she seems to always be on her period.

  • Won’t let you kiss or hold her. 
  • Complains about your hygiene all the time after much effort to clean up. 
  • She visibly stays as far away as possible from you all the time. 

If she has always been this way, she probably was never in love with you.

You see… 

A woman who loves and is in love with her husband will help him in so many ways even when he is falling short. 

She will do her best sexually to let you know she cares for you because it becomes part of how she feels validated. 

Also she will share her thoughts and concerns if something seems inadequate in your intimacy.  

Even if she finds it awkward to say verbally, she will show signs like buying you colognes, body wash, mouthwash, and floss if necessary. 

Your wife who was in love, if ever, would suggest that you both go for regular visits to the gym, dentist and doctor if it comes down to it. 

She would also do all these in a loving way and if you are not oblivious, you will get it. 

My point is that she won’t avoid sex with you if she is in love with you. 

Let’s move on to the next sign…

4th Sign – She Doesn’t Want To Be Seen With You In Public

TRENDING: “My Wife DOESN’T Say I LOVE YOU Back”

Before you start giving excuses that she is an introvert and is too busy with work, can I pause you for a minute? 

Most women love to show off their men,It’s a thing of pride. 

If she is ashamed of being in your presence in public, it’s a red flag. 

So many marriages have broken down to the point where the wife would rather not invite the husband to any outing she goes to. 

When you ask her if you can come, she gets mad and leaves anyway,  

In fact, she is parading herself like a single woman.

What’s the next sign babe?

5th Sign – Future Plans Not Including You

One thing that is common in healthy marriages is that you keep planning on your future together. 

You plan vacations, retirement plans, financial plans and so on together… That’s the expectation of healthy marriages.

A wife who makes major decisions even about the kids without the husband is not only fantasizing about a future without him, she may have already left… spiritually.

As a young girl growing up in a third world country, I heard stories of women who would build a house and not tell their husbands about it. 

I found this to be very strange and I asked my mom why would people keep such secrets from people they claim to love. 

She told me it comes from lack of trust or betrayal from their partners. 

Even though I understood her point, I always thought it was unhealthy to keep such secrets because that is also considered cheating.

If that’s a sign you have experienced, she is not in love with you.

Conclusion & The Main Lesson

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

There are probably many more signs we could share with you that would indicate that your wife was never in love with you.

But they all have this one thing in common.

The sign was always noticeable from the beginning of your relationship or your marriage and you are just getting fed up with them now.

Whatever the signs may be… 

If it wasn’t always there, your wife is just not in love at this moment and there is a chance and hope of restoration if you are willing to do the work.

If she outrightly tells you “I was never in love”, have some self respect and start believing her to open yourself up for a better chance at life of bliss and love.

Inside the book GET MY MARRIAGE BACK, we tell our story and how we were able to come back from a filed divorce.

Download it for free at:

www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

You will also see an opportunity to book a coaching session with us.

Posted on

Latoya Forever’s 10 Implicit Lessons from the Divorce

Hello this is LOLA coming to you live from LOLAandOLA.com

…. and this is OLA

In today’s lesson, we are sharing 10 lessons we’ve extracted from Latoya Forever’s marriage and divorce.

We are tapping into Latoya’s life with her estranged husband, Adam Ali, so we can all learn some pitfalls to avoid.

After watching her 2 parts video interview that she released on her channel and channel with the new boyfriend (where it seemed that she wrote the questions…)

And watching the interview that her ex-husband did with blogger UnwinewithTashaK,

We have extracted these 10 lessons that we believe regular people like us can learn from, protect our relationship with our spouse and subsequently protect our marriages.

Without any further ado, let’s dive right in…

So what would you say is the number one implied lesson Latoya is trying to teach us with all these tell-all interviews?

Lesson #1 – Marriage is not for Children

Quite a bit of the communications within romantic relationships during and after is done through body languages regardless of how much you claim conversations to be the key.

Fun Tip: Conversation is not the same as communication.

The first interview we saw was the interview that unwinewithtashaK did with the ex-husband Adam Ali.

As soon as the interview started, I could read his body language and I picked up lots of immature signals.

One may say I was prejudging him without knowing him but we all prejudge.

Also, it is important to note that prejudging is different from judging.

Our prejudice is a function of our experiences

And what we do have are personal experiences and that of clients.

Most people go into marriage as amateurs without intending to but that’s exactly what it is… so nothing special there.

With what we saw in Latoya’s conduct on the reality TV show, THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA, her childish attitude to life was displayed quite a bit.

So you can imagine, how immature they were as far back as 2011 when they first got together.

The lesson here is to try as much as possible to understand basic adulting

….and knowing as much as possible about self before getting in the serious business of marriage.

What second lesson did you get from watching Adam Ali being interviewed on TaskaK’s platform?

Lesson #2 – Don’t Keep Scores with your Spouse or Partner

PREVIOUS POST: 17 Signs of When to Walk Away From A Sexless Marriage

Many people are stuck on the give and take formula when in fact, the only way for relationships to thrive is to go there and focus on giving.

This is especially true if you are the man who is always complaining about how your wife is not keeping her own end of the bargain.

Relationships especially within the context of Marriage is not a bargain game and you will always lose when you actively keep scores with each other.

Healthy relationships are as simple as out-giving each other. It’s a game of choosing a partner that you love enough to want to just give to without expectations.

Adam Ali referenced this so many times by saying Latoya… as the face of their brand seemed to always fall off her responsibilities.

Was she right or wrong?

That’s irrelevant in healthy relationships.

Knowing what we know, it sounds like Adam was quite adamant about getting things done when they are supposed to get done

….even if that creates division between the two of them.

With his good intentions, he found himself in place of conflict with his wife often all in the name of business.

They both blame it on the business but this is simply a case of a man who confuses his lady with a business partner.

At the end of the day, it’s their own emotions that played the tricks on them and not the business.

A simple root cause analysis will reveal that.

So what would you say about the many events they’ve had over the years?

Like for example, Adam allegedly cursed Latoya out for trapping him with the conception of their 2nd baby?

Lesson #3 – Don’t Sweep Problems Under the Rug

As you said, there were many events over the years that were,  not necessarily signals for divorce, but signals to seek professional help.

One of the main problems is that some take it as an attack when the partner suggests counseling, therapy or coaching.

In fact, I was that guy.

It’s best to receive it as an opportunity to analyze the marriage and adjust for best chances of good love and longevity.

They missed so many opportunities like most people and swept those problems under the rug; we almost lost our marriage doing the same thing.

Do you think it’s different for celebrities or couples who do business together?

Lesson #4 – We are the Problem; Not the Business

TRENDING: “SHOULD I STOP MY DIVORCE⁉️” ❤️

Humans have the same basic needs and the only difference is our individual stories; that is to be considered when navigating life and love.

Latoya and Adam allowed division from what we considered to be natural environmental factors such as their occupation and status.

They could have also learned how to orchestrate unity by leveraging what they loved about each other; they went the other route instead.

Do you think unwanted pregnancy played a role in the fate of their marriage?

Lesson #5 – Pregnancy is Not an Automatic Marriage

Their first unplanned pregnancy played a role only because unfit people weaponize everything against themselves.

But it is worth noting that it can be problematic to make pregnancy into an automatic marriage.

We also know people who have succeeded in building a meaningful marriage from that type of scenario.

It simply took taking the marriage seriously enough to not keep winging things along but commit to the process of learning.

They both allegedly made a choice to cheat on each other.

Did that guarantee the divorce?

Lesson #6 – Cheating is a Symptom; Not an Excuse; Still, a Choice.

The answer to that question is “no”, but it was an added-layer to the amount of work it would take to bring that marriage back.

The betrayal of physical or emotional infidelity cuts deeply and coming back from that is like waking up an 800 years old dead body.

But with God, all things are possible.

All it takes is the same choice but much emotional work to fix the underlying issues because cheating is a symptom at the end of the day.

Were they compatible?

Lesson #7, Being Equally-Yoked tends to be irrelevant when you are in love.

Compatibility for the most part tends to become a question when people don’t want to take responsibility in nurturing the relationship or marriage they committed to.

In these types of cases, people are very quick to judge them on not making sure of compatibility before they married but it’s complete high-horse nonsense.

Even if you asked the question of compatibility before you married…

There is an extremely good chance that you won’t have the proper context to assess that because you have not been tested.

In fact, you are in love. If you feel differently, be patient. Just wait for it.

You will be tested from a blind spot… it’s inevitable and that’s why ultimately, marriage is a step of faith.

Two unique human beings coming together to play life is not a joke.

Regardless of religion, creed or culture, humans have PTSD from different types of trauma level.

Romantic relationships, especially within the context of marriage, will test everyone involved at levels they’ve never experienced before.

So premarital counseling will only help if it involves learning conflict and crisis handling because these things are inevitable no matter how strong your equally-yoked compatibility formula is.

Don’t get it twisted because of what they said; Latoya and Adam were in and out of love multiple times like the rest of us.

But aren’t these things common sense?

Lesson #8, Common sense is a terrible guide to a successful marriage.

We’ve learned together that everyone has common sense and that’s why it’s common.

Here is common sense.

The idea that we love doing the same thing professionally so we must be compatible romantically.

Latoya and Adam are great examples of how that plays out when it comes to marriages.

Not so well right?

Who do you think is at fault here?

Lesson #9 – Hurt people hurt people

This question creates the same problem that keeping scores with a spouse or partner creates. It creates division and eliminates unity.

It’s never a matter of fault.

It is more so a function of so many variables to be unpacked in the experience of marriage preferably with a professional.

Everyone has been hurt and experienced disappointment at one level or the other.

So it’s only natural to pull up guards at any sight of feeling unsafe and insecure.

Hurt people hurt people so Latoya and Adam simply experienced a vicious cycle that would take a tremendous level of humility, time, patience and most likely professional to break.

Do you think the outside world who are always in their comments and on blogs played a role?

Lesson #10, Opinions are like a** holes; everyone has one…

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

When you understand how life and love works, you will also understand that it’s okay for people to have opinions about your relationship.

But as public figures, you would have also understood that you are both humans and there is only so much you can handle emotionally.

That means therapy, counseling and coaching would be on stand-by if you have to be in a position to process millions of terrible opinions about your life everyday.

At a basic level, we all have to manage others’ opinions in our marriage.

Inside the book GET MY MARRIAGE BACK, we tell our story and how we were able to come back from a filed divorce.

Download it for free at:

www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

Posted on

5 Warning Signs That Feels Like Your Husband May Have Lost Interest in You Sexually

In this lesson, you are about to discover the overlap between feeling like your husband has lost interest in you sexually and the reality.

One of the pieces in the ups and downs of the journey in a marriage is attraction and sexual interest levels.

It is very important to be self aware enough to separate your feelings (which are as valid as they come) and the reality.

So with that being said, let’s discuss 5 signs that may confuse you with feeling like your husband has lost interest in you   sexually.

1st Sign – Stress

Your husband may be depressed because of work and money problems may have taken over.

Sometimes when a man is not making headway in his career, he shifts his priorities to work.

Sex can then become a back burner.

This can make you feel inadequate and feel like you are falling short in your duties as a woman.

But maybe his sexual interest level has nothing to do with you.

If his stress has something to do with you, you won’t be able to find out without leaning in and listening emotionally enough to find out.

You can’t listen when you are busy feeling guilty and inadequate about the level of sexual interest from your husband.

Try to approach it in a solution oriented way instead of coming from a finger-pointing stance such as guilt, blame, judgement or condemnation.

Ask for suggestions of how you can help ease off some of the burden that may be stressing him without taking things personally.

So you should do that without emotional attachment to the outcome.

He just may need to feel understood.

2nd Sign that Feels Like Low Sexual Interest – ED (Erectile Dysfunction)

PREVIOUS POST: 5 Signs Your Husband Repulses You Sexually & What To Do

Erectile dysfunction is something some men deal with as they age.

Just in case you are hearing that term or phrase for the first time, it means that a man cannot sustain the erection of his penis during sexual intercourse.

This condition can make some of them lose interest in sex for obvious reasons.

If your husband feels like he is inadequate for you sexually, it can create a vicious cycle because his confidence level is an important mental state necessary to maintain erection.

So try not to address this in the bedroom.

Instead, go on a date with your spouse and have a heart to heart light conversation about spicing things back up in the bedroom.

That will also create an opportunity for you to suggest seeking the help of a medical professional within the right emotional space.

3rd Sign – Complacency or “See finish” as Nigerians Like to Call it.

TRENDING: 5 Signs Your wife is NOT Attracted to You ❤️

It feels like there is lack of connection and no space in your relationship to him or both; someone is feeling smothered.

In fact, you have both become roommates and the energy now feels very awkward.

And before you know it, it’s been 4-5 weeks with no initiations from either party.

Complacency is inevitable in all marriages and the real question is…

Are you prepared for the inevitable?

So since these things have nothing to do with how good of a person you are, don’t take things personally.

But the fact is that you, as an individual, are also partly responsible for where you both are directly or indirectly.

It’s not necessarily a “fault” but more-so a matter of natural occurrence when you, as an adult, consensually choose to get into a relationship with another adult.

So why not take a lead and suggest fun ways to navigate the challenging journey of a highly rewarding and blissful marriage.

Make sure you approach this from the angle of your spouse’s love language.

This will help ease the challenge.

4th Sign that Feels Like Low Sexual Interest – Addiction to Pornography

This is something that may affect your husband mentally and can lower his libido because of unrealistic expectations.

What typical woman do you know who wants to be hanging from the ceiling during sex every night?

Also if your husband can achieve orgasm by himself, there is also a chance that he won’t need you and that can come off as low sexual interest.

This is especially true if you are used to him initiating sex over the course of your marriage especially earlier on.

It’s only natural for you to feel like he is loosing interest sexually in you if he suddenly stops initiating sex.

Pornography (Porn) is a powerful form of entertainment because it offers a counterfeit form of intimacy and attachment.

You may have to get professional help in terms of intensive therapy for both of you where he can get support and an accountability system.

5th Sign – Lack of respect

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

The words you say to your husband can make or break him.

If you are in the habit of criticizing him like you are his mother even with good intentions, that may kill his attraction level towards you.

A typical man wants to feel like a hero in his marriage.

Sure respect is earned and I get the likelihood that your husband may have lost the respect due to some circumstances.

But it’s probably time for you to engage your power in your marriage if your choice is to stay in it.

Self awareness is key.

And that’s why it is necessary to identify the possibility of him feeling disrespect from you even if you never meant to.

If this sign hits home for you, now you know the nature of a typical man and that means you can do something about it.

Sow a seed of respect consistently into him and observe if that turns him back on over time.

You are doing it deliberately.

So it can only feel like a fun game with real life rewards over time.

That’s all part of the art of seduction and it’s powerful when you learn how to use it in favor of your marriage and subsequently you.

Conclusion

In your journey of marriage with your husband, you both will individually experience negative and positive moods because you are both humans.

The general dynamic and mood of your experience together will also be a function of all that and more.

So it is important to handle sexual attraction and interest accordingly without taking things personally.

If you feel like sexual attraction is lower than usual or desired, take ownership in building it back up without guilt tripping yourself.

Learn how to seduce your husband into the space where you want him sexually.

Download our free book from:

www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

For more lessons like this, go to:

www.LOLAandOLA.com/blog

Posted on

“FIDELITY, MARRIAGE & HOLINESS”📍 John Gray

Question: “Fidelity, Marriage & Holiness”

In particular we are talking about holiness.

So there’s this video that John Gray said:

“For those who need to hear me say this. The name of the Lord is holy. The standard is holiness. The word of God is utterly holy. He is not to be toyed with. Church is not a gain and pastors are held to the highest of standards, moral integrity, character when no one is looking, fidelity and faithfulness in marriage and for me, not submitting to process, not staying accountable and not utilizing the voices available to teach me the tools have caused me to make bad decisions.”

For a minute I got confused there, I thought he was gonna say “Touch not my anointed”.

But if you read between the lines, you will know that that’s really what he meant.

I’m just used to “touch not my anointed one” because that’s how our own Nigerian pastors…

That’s how they say “don’t judge me, how dare you” that’s what I was getting from there but in a different form.

I was expecting him to say “Touch not my anointed”, the usual one that they say.

But he did say it in a different form and then at the end of the day he is saying he didn’t take accountability,

…I mean his whole message is confusing.

Many pastors I know are really struggling with their marriages and the only common thing with them is because they are all pastors.

And these are all extremely huge pastors.

Big pastors, some of them are still very loud about how a woman should be submissive.

That’s to support the point we are making here.

It’s bigger than just your holiness Bro.

Maybe striving for holiness is better than holiness because Holiness is not attainable.

PREVIOUS POST: “Remorse vs Repentance”📍 John Gray

Can we just be honest about that?

But we are not gonna say like that because people should still strive to be better people.

I believe in people striving to be better people than this holiness thing.

The reason why I kick against like that, I know to certain church people they are gonna be like “what do you mean?” I get it.

Your chest comes out when you hear “Holiness is not good enough” I get it but I didn’t mean to say that,

Just like John Gray did not mean to say “touch not my anointed” but that’s actually what he said by saying holiness.

It’s not relevant, that’s the point.

So Fidelity, Marriage & Holiness.

You’re right, you’re wrong.

It clearly doesn’t matter and I know maybe I didn’t bring enough samples but there’s more than enough samples out there,

…and as we said earlier, a lot of pastors suffer in marriage or their wife is suffering in the marriage at least,

Because their outlook on life is this holiness thing and they can’t live up to that standard unfortunately.

TRENDING: What is Infidelity ❤️ Does it Make Marriage a Mistake⁉️

John Gray cannot live up to this standard.

He is still busy presenting that he can’t.

Talking about Fidelity, Marriage & Holiness, we are asking something simple, as simple as faithfulness to your wife.

We are not even asking him but he decided to come and share that, after the blogs broke that out.

And you’re talking about holiness Bro?

You’re manipulating people, you are saying holiness is the standard.

Standard of what?

Nobody is arguing about that.

That’s the point I’m making.

Nobody is arguing that holiness is the standard when talking about the bible, but we are talking about a real human being in your house,

… that you just hurt because you told them that you are gonna be faithful to them and your lifestyle and you being a pastor and she is also a pastor Mrs,

You can’t even live up to that and you are talking about Fidelity, Marriage & Holiness.

Are you confused or something?

So this is the confusion that’s going on everywhere.

You can see it everywhere.

Keep it simple, with regards to Fidelity, Marriage & Holiness,

Let’s not worry about holiness, let’s not worry about you being God.

Let’s just start with, you’re human.

We just found out that you’re human, you just found out that you are human let’s focus on that.

So remove yourself and don’t worry about the blogs.

Let them go crazy.

See, wise people, the most powerful people in the world will probably let the blogs go crazy.

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS: More Video on our YouTube Channel

They let them knock themselves out and say “Oh what happened, you found out that I slept with your dog yesterday? Knock yourself out okay?”,

…God forbid I didn’t sleep with a dog really.

You know what I’m saying.

Knock yourself out.

Why do you feel the need to come and respond so quickly?

It tells me you are guilty and I don’t even like pointing out guilt, but because we are humans, like we just said,

We are humans so just let it go.

You have to learn how to let go.

Yes they are talking about you right now you are making the news, there was a real video, we get it.

Put out a statement through a PR.

No need to apologize because your apology is useless right now and especially to your wife, sadly.

Your apology is useless and most apologies are useless.

Let’s just put that out like that.

When it comes to the holiness situation with church folks, I don’t even get involved because I don’t consider myself a holy person.

I’m not even gonna sit down there and argue with you.

I just don’t know why I would be fighting.

People who try to present themselves as holiness or a holy person, it’s a waste of energy for the most part.

No one is perfect.

Though you can try to be a better person than you are yesterday.

You can work on that because that’s easier.

Don’t waste your energy on holiness.

It’s a waste of energy honestly and you are not gonna attain it.

Let’s just be practical, it’s never gonna happen as long as you’re human, good luck on that.

Even Jesus was knocked to the wood eventually so who are you, you are not holy.

Stop talking about holiness as the standard.

Who are you?

Holiness can be a bastard.

It becomes pride for some people you know.

Broken Marriage?
Fix it Here FREE

Get My Marriage Back