In this lesson, you will discover some of the best marriage advice you will ever stumble into for modern marriages, traditional marriage in modern age and for newlyweds. This is going to present a completely new perspective for you.
The other day, I was watching a video by one of the black manosphere leaders, Oshay Duke Jackson, interviewing a guy. He claims that the root cause of his divorce was when his wife started listening to Amanda Seales.
While I agree that the trigger to the divorce could have been random media platform rhetorics, I disagree that it is the root cause. The root cause is always a function of both parties involved.
Marriage is an institution and it remains exactly that even as the human species continues to evolve overtime.
Fortunately or Unfortunately, the humans in a marriage control what they make of a marriage and therefore cannot not blame the institution of marriage when it is bad.
It is also not wise to blame any entity outside of the individuals. Yes, I said it’s a function of the parties involved but blame, guilt, condemnation and judgement will always work against the underlying relationship of a marriage.
With that being said, these are the 5 best pieces of advice I can share with any marriage at any stage including newlyweds in the modern age.
Marriage Advice #5 – Your Vows Meant Nothing
People who say “I do” simply do not know what they are doing.
I know that may sound heartbreaking to you but it is the truth.
What they were “doing” for the most part is the wedding ceremony and that’s regardless of how much premarital counseling they may have gone through.
The issue isn’t that the parties were pretending. It’s simply that they couldn’t possibly have enough context to comprehend what they are getting into.
Marriage vows are beautiful and you may have put on a great show for the guests.
The real test starts on the day after and most people, we now know, will not honor the vows 100% of the time. It’s obvious with the divorce rate in virtually every society today.
So, do not set yourself up with expectations around your vows or the present state of your spouse.
On the flip side of that, it is not unwise to hold yourself accountable to the vows you took as it is simply the honorable thing to do.
But do not assume that you can pour from an empty cup as you are not God… It’s going to be a constant effort of building yourself.
Marriage Advice #4 – Communication is NOT The Key
I know that may come as a shock to you. But here is why.
What most people refer to as communication is the act of talking.
Not only is that not the dictionary meaning of communication, effective communication is the actual key. The dictionary meaning of communication is the exchanging of information.
Sure, in telecommunication as a technology, either sending or receiving individually counts as communication but in romance, it is not.
Effective communication in romance is 80% listening, 10% confirmation of understanding and 10% sharing of your personal insights and opinions.
This is especially true if you identify as the masculine core (not necessarily the man) presently in the marriage.
It is your responsibility to set the tone for effective communication between you and your spouse.
Marriage Advice #3 – Engage God And/Or Gratitude
One of the false messages out there that’s killing a lot of marriages before the start is the idea that love is not enough.
I will talk to you if you don’t identify as a christian in a minute. But if you are a christian, you should never join the “love is not enough” gang.
As a christian, you should have subscribed to 1 Corinthians 13:4-8…
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
If you haven’t seen this played out and tracked in your marriage on your part, you have no rights to claim that love is not enough.
However, as humans, patience has a threshold.
So you need to humble yourself and tap into additional patience by putting God a.k.a the only source of unconditional love at the center of your marriage.
If you do not identify as a christian, I am simply talking about an attitude of Gratitude all around.
When you look at things from a lens of “it can always be worse, you will create and have better and better experiences in your marriage.
This is the closest you can get to unconditional love which is a necessary ingredient in creating an awesome marriage.
Marriage Advice #2 – Personal Purpose
Infinite patience is a necessary ingredient to make a good marriage because your core beliefs will be tested by the differences between you and your spouse.
Now waiting around and calling it patience will eat you up because you as a human being are simply incapable of that level of patience.
But with your engagement in personal purpose and life mission (which should be bigger than life itself), you will expend some of your time in that space.
Then you leave some room for love, attraction and sexual polarity to stay high within your marriage.
While a spouse who claims to love can dump you, a spouse who is attracted to you will not dump you.
Marriage Advice #1 – Self Love
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You cannot give what you don’t have. You have to make it a priority to make sure that you are good and full of love as an individual.
When you love yourself, it will create a downstream effect of loving your spouse from a space of abundance which is described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 that I quoted earlier..
When you attempt loving from a place of lack, it creates chaos.
Here Is A Bonus Piece Of Advice
In marriage, remember this scripture.
Ephesians 6:12 – “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”
Emotional intelligence will go a long way when it is present in your marriage. It’s not the same as emotional expressions.
So tell me in the comment area which of these 5 pieces of advice you find most valuable and will be applying so we can see about diving a little deeper.
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