In this lesson, you will discover 5 actionable steps to seducing your husband towards saving your marriage and finally building real love.
Cynthia was struggling with codependency within the context of being in a marriage to a depressed man.
Her husband claims to love her, in love with her, love being around her but the marriage just doesn’t feel the same to him any longer.
She became confused and didn’t know where to start with trying to rekindle things. In fact, she had started to resent him because he refused counseling for 18 months.
As usual, we offered Cynthia these 5 actionable steps to help her create new experiences and attract her husband to desire life and love again.
Feel free to copy and paste this into your marriage if you are going through similar issues.
1st Step To Save Your Marriage – Believe Him
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While you may feel like your husband is being disingenuous with the excuses for not feeling the same way about your marriage, you need to believe him.
Keep in mind that believing him doesn’t translate to believing that he is telling the truth.
You are simply believing that he has chosen the best way he dimmed fit to express his experience.
The actual truth will always be a function of time and your ability to take the next 4 steps in saving your marriage.
Also by believing him, you will transfer some of that anxiety you are carrying over to him as he wonders why you are not feeling a need to push back.
This is how believing him could play out. Just say this after expressing himself.
“Okay. What else is on your mind?” The idea is to create a surprise element as to why you are not overreacting.
By doing so, you would have helped create a new experience in your marriage. You will also be able to feed your codependency in a healthy way by practicing giving.
2nd Step – Don’t Diagnose Him
These days, most women would pick up psychological books and start labeling their spouse different psychology and mental health-related terminologies.
I am talking about terms and self-diagnosis such as:
- Narcissist
- Controlling
- Depression
- Cognitive Disorder
- Anxiety
- Socially Awkward
- And ETC.
This is a great mistake because it will get the husband to naturally raise his guards.
When you label your husband as such (even if you are right), you would be effectively focusing on all the negative things and you will push him further away.
Anything you focus on will expand in your marriage; positive or negative. So it is in your best interest to avoid self-diagnosis of any type; not even self-diagnosing yourself.
If some type of psychological disorder diagnosis is necessary, the 5th step in this lesson will be the proper way to achieve that.
So it is important to not tear down with random diagnosis, especially when you know that you may want to depend on this person later.
3rd Step – Give Him Space
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If you have codependency traits, this is going to be very hard for you but that is actually a good thing. Let me explain.
Anything or anyone that’s readily available gets taken for granted. I will guess that the last space you want to be in your marriage is to be easily taken for granted.
This is a balancing act. While it is nice to be able to spend as much time as possible with a person you love, keep in mind that this is “another person.”
So when you are in a marriage with a person that keeps going back and forth with divorce threats, they obviously are taking you for granted.
At this point, the reason is irrelevant because if your husband values you at this moment, he wouldn’t be interested in potentially losing you.
So the best way to reverse that is to give him the space he is suggesting to the best of your ability.
That doesn’t necessarily have to be filing the divorce.
I am talking about space as small as just a moment for them to process how they are feeling. It can also be as big as a few nights in a nice hotel room.
It’s also good to help you balance out your codependency traits. We all depend on each other but you do not want to be operating in codependency at a toxic level.
How do you know if it’s toxic?
It becomes toxic when a partner you depend on starts to take you for granted; some space for yourself (more importantly) is necessary at that point.
4th Step – Activate Self Love
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At this stage, it will be extremely helpful for you to activate self-love at its highest level possible because you just can’t attract what you cannot give to yourself.
Excessive emotional and psychological dependency on another human, especially if it’s a spouse, is a direct result of suffering.
If you were already giving yourself love, you would probably crave less for it.
In real life, it means learning your personal love language and loving yourself in that language; your environment will have no choice but to mimic after you.
This is easier said than done especially if you are codependent but this is the work and in this space lies the greatest rewards from your marriage.
5th Step To Save Your Marriage – Invite To Counseling
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Please do not attempt this step if you have not personally engaged in counseling, therapy, or coaching personally in addition to steps 1- 4.
It is almost always equivalent to manipulation and gaslighting when your first solution is to drag your husband to therapy and counseling.
Most people go there to point fingers and it usually creates more problems.
It is key to be prepared as an individual which is how you will learn how to properly invite your husband to therapy and take full advantage of it.
Also, if there is any necessary clinical diagnosis of a psychological disorder, it will be better received since it is coming from a professional who is trained to do so.
Yes, he may seem depressed. You may be accurate but you will create more problems for yourself if you call him depressed. This may be the missing wisdom.
Hit the like button and check out the video on the screen for more information on how to prepare yourself to better seduce your husband into life and love together again.