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Can Menopause Cause a Sexless Marriage And Not Wanting To Be Touched?

Let’s dive into a topic that many of you have asked about: the connection between menopause, intimacy, and its impact on marriage. We’ve got a couple of insightful comments from our viewers, Gregory and Deshaun, on one of our other videos “Is Sexless Marriage Grounds for Divorce in the Bible?”

1st Comment From Gregory ~ “My wife, once she gone through menopause, doesn’t want intimately with me. To me it sound like an excuse, because I am hearing about older women still having sex in their old age.”

2nd Comment From Deshaun ~ “Most definitely AND it’s a 2-way street. I just left a 12 year sex-less marriage. It was the most humiliating, dehumanizing experience ever!”

We’ll be addressing these comments in a few seconds to minutes. So grab a comfy seat and let’s have an open and informative chat about this important issue!

What is Menopause? 

Menopause is a natural biological process that marks the end of a woman’s reproductive years. During this time, the ovaries gradually decrease their production of estrogen and other hormones, leading to the cessation of menstrual periods. Typically occurring between the ages of 45 and 55, menopause can bring about a range of physical and emotional changes namely:

Physical Changes:

Hot Flashes and Night Sweats: One of the most well-known symptoms of menopause is hot flashes. These sudden, intense feelings of heat can lead to sweating and discomfort, often occurring during the day or disrupting sleep at night.

Vaginal Dryness: Due to a decrease in estrogen levels, vaginal tissues can become thinner and less lubricated. This can lead to discomfort during intercourse and even a heightened risk of urinary tract infections.

Changes in Libido: Hormonal shifts during menopause can lead to changes in libido or sexual desire. Some women may experience a decrease in sexual interest, while others might not notice any change.

Weight Gain: Metabolism may slow down, leading to weight gain, especially around the abdomen. This can be frustrating, but maintaining a healthy lifestyle through exercise and balanced nutrition can help manage this.

Bone Density Loss: Estrogen helps maintain bone density, so its decline during menopause can increase the risk of osteoporosis, a condition characterized by brittle bones.

Emotional Changes:

Mood Swings: Hormonal fluctuations can contribute to mood swings and emotional changes. Some women may experience increased irritability, sadness, or anxiety.

Sleep Disturbances: Night sweats and other physical discomforts can disrupt sleep, leading to fatigue and impacting emotional well-being.

Depression and Anxiety: Hormonal shifts during menopause can sometimes trigger or exacerbate feelings of depression and anxiety. It’s important to seek support if you’re struggling with your mental health.

Body Image Issues: As physical changes occur, some women may experience shifts in body image and self-esteem. This can impact how they feel about themselves and their intimate relationships.

Sense of Identity: Menopause can also bring about a sense of transition and a reevaluation of one’s identity, as it marks the end of a reproductive phase. This can lead to introspection and adjustments in life priorities.

Remember, every woman’s experience with menopause is unique. Some may breeze through it with minimal disruptions, while others may face more challenges. It’s crucial to communicate openly with your partner, seek medical advice when necessary, and prioritize self-care during this transformative time. 

And for partners like Gregory who might feel a bit lost, understanding and patience play a vital role in providing the support needed during this period of change.  This is not the time to put every thoughts into words such as “Do you think you are acting like this because of menopause?”  That will obvious tamper with the emotional state of things.

What is Considered a Sexless Marriage?

A sexless marriage is generally defined as a relationship where couples have little to no sexual activity over an extended period of time. It’s important to note that the definition of “sexless” can vary from couple to couple, and what’s considered acceptable differs depending on individual preferences and needs. 

But if you or your partner are both feeling disconnected in this department, it might be time to address the situation. If at least one partner feels a disconnect, it’s time to address it because it is then effectively an issue for your relationship.

For the most part, anything longer than 2 weeks on a consistent basis that is agreed upon or understandable by both partners is considered a sexless marriage.  We’ve also learned that 90 days or more of no sexual activities between married couples is considered the end of that marriage in Islam; so we heard.

At a Mental and Emotional Level, How Does Menopause And Not Wanting to be Touched Relate?

Gregory’s comment strikes a chord that many partners can relate to. Menopause brings about not only physical changes but also emotional and psychological shifts. Just like how teenagers’ hormones can cause mood swings, menopause can lead to changes in libido and how a woman perceives herself. Feeling less inclined towards intimacy can be a combination of hormonal changes, body image issues, and even self-confidence matters.

So again, for all the Gregory’s, this is for your understanding and not to used to manipulate or expressed outright in words to your partner.  This is an opportunity to practice patience and an engage understanding as a skill-set.  Trust me, it will move things in your favor.  

How To Deal With Sexless Marriage after 50, 60 & 70

Deshaun’s comment hits home with its honesty and vulnerability. 

“I just left a 12 year sex-less marriage. It was the most humiliating, dehumanizing experience ever!”

A sexless marriage can indeed be a challenging journey, causing emotional strain and feelings of rejection. If you’re in a similar situation, communication is key. Open, honest, and respectful conversations about your needs, desires, and concerns can pave the way for understanding and compromise. 

But more importantly, seeking professional help and support can also provide guidance and strategies to navigate this difficult phase.  Communication in this space is easier said than done and not advisable without adequate support.

What is the Effect of a Sexless Marriage on a Wife?

The impact of a sexless marriage can be profound and varied. For women going through menopause, the struggle is real. Menopause itself can bring about a decrease in libido due to hormonal shifts, but when combined with the emotional toll of feeling unwanted or unattractive, the effects can be magnified. It’s important to remember that every woman’s experience is unique, and support from partners, friends, and healthcare professionals can make a world of difference.

What is the Effect of a Sexless Marriage on a Husband?

Just as the effects of a sexless marriage can be significant for wives, they can also have a profound impact on husbands. Let’s dive into what husbands might experience when facing a sexless marriage:

Emotional Distress: Husbands in a sexless marriage can experience emotional distress, including feelings of rejection, inadequacy, and frustration. The lack of physical intimacy can lead to a sense of being unwanted or unloved.

Self-Esteem and Confidence: Just like wives, husbands might experience a blow to their self-esteem and confidence. They may question their attractiveness and desirability as a partner, affecting how they perceive themselves.

Communication Breakdown: A lack of intimacy can strain communication between spouses. Unaddressed issues and unmet needs can lead to resentment and create a barrier to open and honest conversations.

Frustration and Resentment: Over time, the frustration of unmet needs can lead to resentment towards the partner and the relationship itself. This can create a negative cycle of emotional distance.

Impact on Mental Health: The emotional strain of a sexless marriage can impact a husband’s mental well-being. Feelings of loneliness, sadness, and even depression can arise.

Doubts About Connection: Intimacy is often seen as a vital connection between partners. Without it, a husband might begin to doubt the depth of his emotional connection with his spouse.

Physical Health: Physical intimacy is associated with stress reduction and improved well-being. The absence of this connection can potentially affect a husband’s physical health over time.

Relationship Satisfaction: The absence of physical intimacy can lead to decreased relationship satisfaction for husbands who view it as an important aspect of their relationship.

Struggle to Express Emotions: Societal expectations around masculinity can make it challenging for husbands to express their emotional needs and vulnerabilities related to the sexless marriage.

Potential for Infidelity: In some cases, the absence of physical intimacy can lead to a higher risk of infidelity, as some husbands might seek validation or intimacy outside the marriage.

Long-Term Relationship Impact: A sexless marriage can impact the overall quality and longevity of the relationship. Couples might become emotionally disconnected, leading to dissatisfaction and potential separation.

It’s important to emphasize that the effects of a sexless marriage on husbands, as well as wives, can vary widely based on individual circumstances and personality. 

How To Arouse Your Wife After Menopause

Let’s talk about solutions! Gregory’s comment highlighted his concern about his wife’s lack of interest in intimacy post-menopause. Remember, arousal isn’t just about physical stimulation. Emotional connection, understanding, and making your partner feel desired are crucial. Take the time to explore new ways of intimacy together, such as focused touch, romantic gestures, and even trying new experiences that could reignite that spark.

How to Spice Up Your Married Life After Menopause

Deshaun’s comment reminds us that both partners play a role in maintaining intimacy over-all because oftentimes, one person is too weak. If your marriage has lost its physical spark, it’s time to get creative. Whether it’s surprising your partner with a date night, exploring fantasies together, or even taking up a new hobby as a couple, the key is to find activities that strengthen your bond outside of the bedroom. Communication, experimentation, and seduction skills on your part alone can work wonders.

Conclusion

To our valued viewers, thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. You’ve highlighted the complexities of intimacy and sexless marriage before, during and after menopause. Remember, every relationship is a unique journey, and patience, understanding, and communication are your greatest tools. 

While some older women continue to enjoy an active sex life, it’s important not to compare your situation to others’. Seek guidance from professionals and relationship experts, and most importantly, remember that the key to a fulfilling marriage goes beyond physical intimacy. Emotional connection, respect, and genuine care for one another are the true foundations of a lasting partnership.

If you like this post, you will love this other post we wrote on “When to walk away from a sexless marriage”.. Cheers 🙂

Frequently Asked Questions

Does menopause make you less affectionate?

Menopause can lead to changes in affection levels, but it varies for each individual.

Can menopause cause emotional detachment?

Menopause can sometimes contribute to emotional detachment, but not in all cases.

Why do I feel so alone in menopause?

Feeling alone during menopause can be due to hormonal shifts and emotional changes.

Why is my wife not interested in intimacy during menopause?

A decreased interest in intimacy during menopause can stem from hormonal changes, emotional factors, and body image concerns.

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Intimacy in Marriage

“Intimacy” includes physical closeness and to many, this quickly gets translated to mean a sexual relationship.

Of course, married love includes sex, as it should, but long-married couples will often relate that the sexual part of their relationship is only one of many ways they are intimate with each other.

Other forms of intimacy are emotional, intellectual, heart-to-heart conversations, working together at common goals, and spiritual intimacy. True marital intimacy usually involves being honest with your spouse and allowing yourself to be vulnerable.

Because you know your spouse well and trust him/her not to hurt you, you are willing to give yourself completely and risk the unknown.

In emotional intimacy, a couple shares their joys, fears, frustrations, sorrows, and, yes, anger with each other. This doesn’t mean that spouses yell and scream at each other- or, worse, hit each other- but it does mean that hard feelings can be shared, too. The challenge is to find ways to do this respectfully.

It can be scary at times to let down one’s emotional guard, but when trust is developed over time, it feels safe. Emotional intimacy is one of the strongest bonders in a marriage.

It is violated when a spouse shares intimate thoughts and feelings with a friend, co-worker, or on- line. This can feel like a betrayal even though it doesn’t involve sexual infidelity.

The 4 Types of Intimacy

Before you can work on intimacy in marriage, it’s important to understand the four main types: emotional, intellectual, sexual, and experiential intimacy. Let’s explore these in terms of how they apply to a romantic relationship:

  • Emotional intimacy: People experience emotional intimacy when they feel comfortable sharing their feelings—good and bad—with each other. For example, you tell your spouse that you feel insecure about your body after gaining a few pounds.
  • Intellectual intimacy: When it comes to intellectual intimacy, people feel safe sharing their ideas and opinions, even when they don’t see eye to eye on the matter. For example, you and your spouse discuss your personal political opinions, even though you follow different parties.
  • Sexual intimacy: Sexual intimacy occurs when people engage in sensual or sexual activities. For example, your spouse pulls you in close, lifts your chin, and kisses you passionately.
  • Experiential intimacy: People engage in experiential intimacy when they bond during day-to-day activities or work together to accomplish a mission. For example, you help your spouse fix the flat tire on your car, handing her the tools she needs.

Again, intimacy in marriage is about forming a bond and developing an unequivocal closeness. Naturally, as we get to know someone we’re romantically interested in, we both explore and fulfill emotional, intellectual, sexual, and experiential intimacy. But as we get closer and more comfortable with the other individual, that intimacy can die down.

Keep the Flame Alive: Tips

Don’t worry. If you and your spouse are lacking that emotional, intellectual, sexual, or experiential intimacy, you can find that spark again. Here are 5 tips that will help you to improve every type of intimacy in marriage:

1. Seek out new experiences.

As we touched on earlier, intimacy isn’t just about a physical connection. It’s also about closeness and familiarity. With that in mind, one of the best ways to improve intimacy with your spouse is to revel in new experiences. For example, you could embark on a major project together like renovating or flipping a house. Or, you might consider adding a new member to your family and adopting a dog! If you aren’t ready for such commitments, you could book a trip to an unfamiliar country and explore its depths together. These experiences are designed to challenge you—they’ll force you two to work closely together, and maybe even argue or despise each other along the way, all while ultimately solidifying your bond further and improving intimacy in your marriage. 

2. Relish in your comfort and connection.

When we first start dating someone, everything is new and exciting. We experience intense emotions as we get to know the individual and become intimate with each other. Over time, though, this novelty and excitement lessen. While this can be disappointing, there is a flip side: the connection is deeper than ever before, signified by the comfort you feel in each other’s company. So, you can improve your intimacy with your spouse by thinking back to the initial stages of your relationship, appreciating its development, and relishing in just how comfortable you feel with your spouse. This is key to fostering intimacy in marriage. 

3. Change up your routine.

On the other hand, it’s also helpful to switch up your routine every now and then to induce those intense emotions again. Go out of your way to do the unexpected and surprise your spouse. For example, book a weekend getaway and have everything ready to go—book the hotel, pack the bags, fill the car up with gas. You can also change up your routine and improve intimacy by spending a little time apart. There’s nothing wrong with taking separate trips every now and then. This will give you the chance to miss each other and you’ll feel happy and excited when you’re reunited. 

4. Maintain good avenues of communication.

Often, we don’t set aside time to have a proper conversation with our spouse—be it about the love we have for them or, on the other hand, a problem in the relationship. However, maintaining good avenues of communication can supplement our effort to improve intimacy in marriage and to keep the flame alive Adina Mahalli, certified relationship consultant and sexual health expert, explains: “Relationships are constant work and can fall apart if there isn’t effort put in to maintain it. Small things go a long way while maintaining intimacy, and resentment can build up quickly if there are not good avenues of communication,” Mahalli explains. “Knowing and explaining to your partner on a regular basis why you’re in love with them and how you feel about them is another way to keep the flame burning. Disagreeing is also an important aspect of any relationship. Being able to calmly and respectfully tell your partner the issues you’re having is essential for maintaining intimacy. Silence is the silent killer of relationships.”

5. Demonstrate your love and support often.

Make a habit out of showing your spouse that you love, care for, and support them. Many of us assume or insist that our partners know we love them—but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t remind our spouses through both our words and our actions on a regular basis. For example, when your spouse gets home from work, look into their eyes and then kiss them. Ask how their day was. Put gas in their car. Write a cute message for them to find on the whiteboard in the kitchen. Find small ways to remind them that you care. This will help to improve with your spouse and keep that flame burning indefinitely. 

How Can You Fix Intimacy Issues?

If you’re having intimacy issues in your marriage, there are a few things you can do to try to improve the situation. Intimacy is about so much more than just sex, but that doesn’t mean that sex isn’t important. If you and your spouse are struggling with intimacy, it may be helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor who can help you work through the underlying issues. Here are a few other things that may help:

1. Talk about your needs and expectations.

If you’re not happy with the level of intimacy in your marriage, it’s important to talk about it with your spouse. Discuss your needs and expectations for intimacy in your relationship. This can be a difficult conversation, but it’s important to have if you want things to improve.

2. Make time for each other.

Intimacy requires time and effort. If you want to improve intimacy in your marriage, you need to make time for each other. This means setting aside time for date nights, weekends away, or just time to spend together without distractions. You may also need to get creative if you have kids. Intimacy doesn’t always have to mean sex—it can also be about cuddling, talking, or just spending time together.

3. Be willing to try new things.

If you’re in a rut, it may be helpful to spice things up and try new things. This could mean anything from trying new positions or experimenting with new techniques to adding some excitement to your sex life by incorporating toys or role-play.

4. Seek help from a professional. 

It can be tough to fix intimacy problems without professional assistance. It’s often more efficient to work with a couple’s therapist to solve these issues. When one person in a marriage has problems with intimacy, it can make the other feel inadequate. If both people have separate problems, then significant work needs to be done, but things can get better.

Intimacy plays an important role in a happy and healthy marriage. If you’re struggling with intimacy in your relationship, don’t be afraid to seek help from a professional. Often, couples’ therapy can be very helpful in these situations. Intimacy is about so much more than just sex—it’s about developing a deep connection with your spouse. By working on intimacy in your marriage, you can improve your relationship and make it stronger than ever.

Conclusion:

Intimacy in marriage is both important and complex. It’s about more than just sex, but sex is still an important part of intimacy. If you’re struggling with intimacy in your marriage, don’t be afraid to seek help from a professional. Often, couples’ therapy can be very helpful in these situations. Intimacy is about developing a deep connection with your spouse, and by working on intimacy in your marriage, you can improve your relationship and make it stronger than ever.

Sexual intimacy keeps you both physically and emotionally healthy. Studies have found that people who are married are not necessarily happier, but if the relationship between the couple is healthy and satisfying, then married people do enjoy better health.

Having an intimate and close relationship with our spouse or loved one brings many physical and emotional benefits. Reducing stress, anxiety, and depression, increasing our sex life, and countering loneliness are just some of the benefits.

Intimate relationships are often characterized by attitudes of mutual trust, caring, and acceptance. A part of our sexuality might include intimacy: the ability to love, trust, and care for others in both sexual and other types of relationships.

2 FREE Books Download - $197

2 FREE Books