Tag: how to fight for your marriage when separated

When we talk about how to fight for a marriage, we’re not talking about throwing punches but rather standing up for what truly matters in building the healthy relationship you crave so badly.

Fighting for your marriage involves understanding the principles that keep a relationship thriving and those that can cause a breakdown.

It’s about creating a deep connection and recognizing the ebb and flow within your relationship. Learning to navigate these waters with grace is essential. It’s about understanding your partner’s needs and desires on a fundamental level and using that knowledge to foster a deeper bond.

We must also acknowledge the role of inner growth. Cultivating a strong sense of who you are and how you interact with your partner is key. It’s about honing the ability to perceive and manage your own emotions, as well as those of your spouse.

This journey is not just about fixing the other party’s problems but focusing on your own growth, learning from your partner despite any resentment, and building a more resilient and fulfilling life with or without your present partner.

Currently, we are helping five different clients who have dealt with partners exhibiting abusive behaviors for over a decade. What we found is that these behaviors were sometimes intentional and other times due to ignorance. Imagine having to explain this shift in fighting for a marriage when they’ve been the victim.

It’s challenging, but it becomes manageable when we help them envision a clear path for the present into the future. It’s worth it to do the work beyond assigning blame, shaming, judgment, and condemnation.

So, let’s dive in and explore what it really means to fight for your marriage and how you can apply these principles to create a stronger, more connected relationship.

1. Shifting Perspectives: Fighting Together, Not Against Each Other

When things get tough in marriage, our first instinct might be to fight with our spouse. But Ephesians 6:12 reminds us that our battle isn’t against each other—it’s against deeper, spiritual challenges. So, instead of seeing each other as adversaries, let’s shift our focus to seducing and influencing our partner towards tackling challenges together.

This shift involves more than just changing how you view your partner; it requires you to understand and apply principles that foster genuine connection. When you approach your marriage with the mindset of working together, you begin to appreciate the subtleties of your partner’s behaviors and intentions. You become more attuned to the cues that signify deeper needs and desires, allowing you to respond in ways that strengthen your bond.

Feeling like a victim is valid, but navigating the complexities of your relationship with sensitivity can transform conflicts into opportunities for growth, both individually and as a couple. Recognizing the ebb and flow within your marriage helps balance interactions, ensuring that you feel heard and valued. This approach not only prevents misunderstandings but also builds a foundation of trust, love, and respect that you deserve.

When you focus on understanding your partner’s perspective, you develop a greater capacity for empathy and compassion. This means actively listening and engaging with their concerns, which can de-escalate potential conflicts and create a supportive environment.

Ultimately, this perspective shift allows you to move beyond surface-level disputes and address underlying spiritual and emotional challenges. It encourages growth individually and as a couple, fostering a relationship that is resilient, fulfilling, and deeply connected. Embrace this approach and start fighting for your marriage by working together, not against each other.

2. The Role of Space and Separation

Now, sometimes taking a step back can feel like giving up, but it can actually be a strategic move. Separation doesn’t have to mean the end—it can give both partners the clarity and space needed to work on themselves and their marriage. It’s about using this time wisely, not as a way to avoid problems but as a way to come back stronger.

When you step back, it allows you to reassess your relationship dynamics and your role within them. For example, imagine a couple who decides to take a short break to reflect on their issues. During this time, they each focus on…

Understanding their own emotional triggers and patterns of behavior.

One partner might realize they have been overly critical due to unresolved past issues, while the other may see that their withdrawal stems from a fear of confrontation.

Using this time apart, they can work on addressing these personal challenges individually. When they reunite, they bring newfound insights and emotional growth into the relationship, leading to more constructive communication and a deeper connection. This approach not only helps to resolve current conflicts but also equips the couple with better tools to handle future challenges.

By intentionally creating space for reflection and growth, you can transform what seems like a step back into a powerful move forward, ultimately strengthening your bond and enhancing the overall health of your relationship.

3. Spiritual and Emotional Battles

In our own journey, my wife and I realized that fighting for our marriage meant battling not just our own misunderstandings but also spiritual and emotional forces that can weaken any relationship. It’s about strengthening our resilience to withstand these challenges together.

For instance, during a particularly difficult conflict, my wife visited a church where she was told by a prophet that she was meant to marry someone else. At the time, we already had two kids. This prophecy lingered in her mind, creating doubt and tension between us. This external influence contributed to a significant breakdown in our marriage. I initially thought my wife was just being stubborn, unaware of the deeper battles she was facing.

During our separation, I learned to focus on understanding my own role in our conflicts and how my actions impacted my wife.

I approached our disagreements with a desire to understand rather than to win. Over time, we rebuilt trust and established a new foundation for our relationship, one that was more resilient and deeply connected. We emerged stronger and more united.

Embracing this approach can help any couple navigate the spiritual and emotional battles that threaten their relationship, ultimately leading to a more enduring and fulfilling partnership. However, it often requires one partner to start the journey first, rather than trying to drag the other to therapy or counseling. Starting the work on yourself can lead to more genuine progress and avoid the pitfalls of arguments and superficial solutions in joint sessions.

4. Understanding Resistance and Accountability

Often, when clients come to us saying, “My spouse won’t fight,” it usually boils down to a deeper issue of awareness and accountability. Fighting for your marriage requires both partners to take responsibility for their actions and emotions, which can be tough but essential for growth.

The trick is, it doesn’t have to start with both of you simultaneously. Many people on social media fall into the trap of waiting for the other person to take equal responsibility, leading to an endless cycle of blame. Instead, one partner can initiate the change by taking proactive steps to improve the relationship.

For example, let’s consider a couple where one partner feels neglected because the other is always on their phone. Instead of waiting for their partner to notice the issue, the concerned partner could start by expressing their feelings in a calm and understanding manner. They might say, “I’ve noticed that we spend less time talking because of our phone usage. I miss our conversations and would love for us to reconnect more.” By addressing the issue without blame and suggesting a positive change, they create an environment where their partner feels understood and is more likely to respond positively.

This approach leverages subtle influence and personal growth to encourage the other partner to reflect and adjust their behavior. By starting the work on yourself and demonstrating accountability, you can foster an atmosphere of mutual respect and understanding. This, in turn, can lead to a more sustainable and lasting solution for your marriage.

Ultimately, embracing personal growth and responsibility can transform your relationship, making it stronger and more resilient. So, instead of waiting for your partner to change, take the initiative to improve your marriage and set the stage for a deeper, more fulfilling connection.

5. Tools for Fighting Effectively

So, how do you practically fight for your marriage? It starts with communication, understanding, and a willingness to seek help when needed. Whether it’s through coaching or reading books like ours (which you can download for free at this link), these tools can strengthen your bond and help you navigate challenges in your marriage.

We met Debbie a few years ago when her marriage was on the brink of collapse. She and her husband had been arguing constantly, trust had been shattered by infidelity, and she was considering divorce. Debbie had tried everything—heartfelt conversations, therapy sessions, and even suggestions for joint activities—but nothing seemed to get through to her husband. Feeling desperate and alone, she sought professional help.

Debbie reached out us and started by reading our recommended books.

This initial step sparked a change in her approach, providing new insights and strategies for dealing with her marital issues even though she had already checked out. Encouraged by the progress, she decided to engage in ongoing coaching sessions with us.

Over the next 9 months, Debbie diligently applied the techniques learned from our books and coaching. She focused on herself first, improving communication, rebuilding trust, and understanding her husband’s perspective—a very difficult phase indeed. Slowly but surely, her efforts began to pay off. The husband who was once a distant asshole as she put it, started to open up, and the couple began to reconnect on a deeper level.

With our continuous support and guidance, they navigated the complexities of their relationship, transforming their once broken marriage into a strong and loving partnership. By leveraging the tools and resources we provided, they achieved a level of intimacy, love, and respect they never thought possible.

How To Save a Marriage in 7 Steps

Consider sharing this video with your coach to help implement these strategies in your marriage. If you don’t have a coach, reach out to us for a complimentary coaching session. Having a coach provides personalized support and guidance, making the challenging task of fighting for your marriage much easier.

Fighting for your marriage is not the easiest task to take on, especially when it feels like you’re doing it alone. But with the right tools, a proactive approach, and the support of a personal coach, you can begin to mend and strengthen your relationship. By investing in these resources, you create a resilient, loving partnership capable of withstanding even the toughest challenges.

Remember, fighting for your marriage isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it. By focusing on spiritual unity, emotional growth, and adequate support, you can build a marriage that withstands the tests of time. So, let’s redefine what it means to fight—for love, for understanding, and for a future together.

Even if you’ve decided to move forward without your present partner, you will need this for as long as you are marriage-minded regardless of your present relationship status.

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