Question: “How do I apologize for hurting my wife?”
John Gray is in the hot seat right now and is probably hoping that this whole thing will die down but he is not helping either because he issued an apology and I think we should play the apology first before we get into anything .
Here is John Gray’s apology:
“I wanna take this moment to tell you I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the areas of my life that I left unattended. That I was apathetic about. The areas where I have treated the calling of God, the grace of God and a hand of God casually in my life. For every area of behavior that has dishonor the holiness of God, I wanna tell you I’m sorry. There have been a number of things and blogs, some of them accurate, some of it not…”
His apology maybe is the right thing to do because he is a pastor in the church.
But talking to his wife, it just feels like it will cause more embarrassment.
For me, I don’t like the loud noise.
That’s bringing so much attention to us so in the moment we should shut it down.
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Let’s be quiet in the moment…
How do I apologize for hurting my wife?
What’s the right way to do that?
I don’t think you need to apologize to your wife in public… that can be done privately.
Apologizing in public is just an immediate reaction trying to save face, especially when the issues are so fresh right?
One thing you don’t want to do is feeding to the media,
… like right now they are talking about you and the next thing you wanna do is “Oh I’m sorry… blah blah blab”
The natural thing to do is want to react so I feel that he should have just left that for the moment and deal with his issues privately.
Church, yes because he is a pastor and I understand that he needs to say something, but I don’t like the public.
Well maybe the wife likes that, or she prefers that, but I don’t know because there are different kinds of women.
Some women can be like “you know what you dragged me out there, then I want you to apologize to me publicly“.
For me personally it doesn’t help.
I always come from the standpoint of “you are right”.
If you think you are right, you are right!… like who am i?, I don’t have the right to tell you you are not right.
That’s applicable to everything in life including relationship, marriage, apologies or whatever.
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If you feel like the right thing for you to do is to apologize, then you are right…
Now is that going to create the result you want, that is the story that we really should be talking about.
See, if you are worried about whether it is the right thing to do or not, you are always right.
Whatever you feel is right is right.
Is that gonna create the result that you’re looking to achieve, that’s where the work is and that’s where a lot of people miss it.
With that being said, the only time it will be right for you to tender an apology to either a wife or husband or anybody is when that person is asking for it.
Why?
Because you listen, that person is asking for it.
So if the person is asking for it and you truly feel that you should apologize, and there is nothing wrong with apologizing but if you are tendering an apology as a form of reaction to being called out.
You just got called out… you did something wrong and you just want to fix it immediately for the misery to go away.
The first thing that goes to your mind is to say I’m sorry.
That I’m sorry is gonna do more hurt.
It can be considered manipulation because you are manipulating.
That apology will hurt more than it will help you create the result you are looking for.
So, How Do I APOLOGIZE for HURTING my wife?
Well, first of all the best apology is Changed Behavior.
That’s gonna take time so there’s time and patience involved.
That means they may not be willing to hear you out right now, the best thing you want to do is stay away from giving them your mouth in every way that you can think of.
You stay away from that.
Let things calm down.
Let things simmer before you give apologies.
That’s why the apology that John Gray gave is premature.
It cannot possibly be authentic because it’s a reaction form of apology…
but how do I apologize for hurting my wife?
Listen…
Changed Behavior.
Take your time.
If she asks for an apology, then you can tender that in the form of words but the best apology is not words.
Your apology in the form of words is a lot more useful when the person is asking for it.