Quick story. So my husband was on Aunty B’s platform, Obodo Oyinbo TV, in the past few days oh my God… he ended up becoming an overnight detective.
A man had called him before he called into a show making wild claims about women in Nigeria and as usual, it was obvious to him that this man was speaking from personal experience.
The truth is that we have both men and women who perpetuate this terrible behavior once they have had traumatic experiences in marriage or relationships.
And nothing good comes out of it.
So we want to share 5 “do’s & don’ts” if you happen to be in a separation from your marriage at this moment.
We know you will be tempted to destroy your future relationship if you don’t know these things so please, pay attention.
Thing Number 5
Don’t Focus on Whose Fault; It’s Irrelevant
After about 30,000 views, what I always knew was confirmed. He was projecting from his personal experiences.
He is presently separated from his wife who he had met in Nigeria while visiting. So the wife had recently asked for divorce.
So he decided he wanted to help others who may be captured by the evil women who are poor and live in Nigeria; according to him.
After getting dragged on that platform so many times, there was one thing that really stood out to me and this is it.
He was obsessed with who was at fault for the demise of the marriage. Not just that, we are talking about a need to spell out every fault at every stop since he met the lady.
If you are in separation and you want the outcome of the process to be positive, you have two choices.
Decide that no one is at fault or…
The 2nd choice, which is “both of you are at fault”; unless of course, someone had a gun to their head during the decision to engage in a romantic way.
Thing Number 4
Don’t Attempt Saving Others Before Healing
So we get it. You’ve just gone through a very traumatic situation and experience. Your experience is valid but you need to believe that.
Naturally, if you consider yourself “nice” or “good”, you might want to jump out there and save everyone else from people like your ex-partner who is now a bad person I guess…
Don’t do it. You will end up re-creating your own version of your experience in others and they will effectively project it further into our society…
…when it is in-fact, not necessarily their experience.
It’s a fact that your ex-partner had their own experience. This is why those who don’t know any better end up calling each other liars; making things worse.
Stay away from trying to help others until you make sure you’ve gone through healing.
And have peace with the idea that it’s not necessarily anyone’s fault.
Thing Number 3
Let Go In Every Sense
Generally speaking, letting go is one of the hardest things for humans to do. People would yell out things like “I don’t care” with such anger.
You would be left to wonder…”Do you believe that you don’t care or you need to convince yourself even more?”
It’s confusing at best. Sure you should be able to tell your story. But you should only do it within a controlled context and environment.
Letting go, self control and awareness is key but hard. Have you noticed that you enjoy talking so much about your ex-partner particularly in a bad light?
Thing Number 2
Engage a Wise Counsel
There is a good chance you are not able to smell your own breath. You can barely see your own nose. Maybe if you calm down, you can at least see a blurry version of it.
The point I am making is this. Separation from a marriage is tough on a human heart. Take some time off and engage wise counsel.
We all have a blind spot by default. So how much more when everything you believed when it comes to romance is being questioned.
Thing Number 1
Don’t Generalize! It’s a sign of a weak person…
Let me ask that question I asked previously again. Have you noticed that you enjoy talking so much about your ex-partner particularly in a bad light?
Or maybe this time, you’ve managed to camouflage it as a generalized story that you have become an evangelist for.
You find yourself saying things like “American women are not good wives.” You’ve perfected the art of saying “All Nigerian men are cheaters.”
I’m just gonna be straight up with you. There is no better way to tell us that you need counseling and possibly therapy than showcasing a habit of generalizing.
It’s a red flag. You shouldn’t be advising or trying to save anyone.
It’s projection at best. There is no way that you know enough people to be capable of generalizing in the name of helping someone.
You will end up making more people toxic than you help if at all..
We are speaking from experience. We share our own story inside the book “GET MY MARRIAGE BACK” which you can download for free at www.GetMyMarriageBack.com
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