Are you curious about what to know before marriage? Well, good news is also that you can engage and master this information at any point during the marriage as well. Often times, you won’t be able to comprehend some of these stuff until you experience the related issue. And that’s okay.
So today, we’re diving into something super important: “5 Things to Know Before Marriage & Why It’s Never Too Late to Learn.” Whether you’re single, engaged, or already married, these insights can help you build or rebuild a strong foundation for your relationship. Let’s jump right in!
Thing #5 – Conflict is Inevitable
Let’s kick things off with a big one: conflict is inevitable. Now, when I first married Lola, I thought our disagreements were pretty mild. But, as it turned out, Lola saw things very differently. She resented any moment of conflict, which made it hard for us to resolve our issues. We ended up pushing our problems under the rug, which only made things worse.
Before we got married, we seemed to agree on everything. I was raised to see a disagreement as just that – a disagreement. But for Lola, arguments triggered a lot of fear and anxiety. It felt like we were speaking different languages.
Our premarital counseling didn’t really prepare us for this. It’s not that our counselor didn’t cover conflict resolution, but we just couldn’t grasp it without the real-life experience of conflict. What I’ve learned, and what I want to share with you, is that conflict resolution skills are crucial. You need to know how to handle disagreements constructively.
Thing #4 – Friendship is Non-negotiable
Next up is friendship. In recent times, I’ve seen a lot of people, especially women, dismissing the idea of being friends with their spouses. This often comes from past disappointments. Imagine falling in love with someone you considered your best friend, only to be betrayed by them. It’s natural to associate that betrayal with the idea of friendship.
Early in our marriage, Lola and I questioned everything that made us fall in love, including our friendship. I wondered if she was ever truly my friend, and I felt disrespected because we were so close. This confusion lasted for years until we realized we were sabotaging one of the best parts of our relationship.
Friendship in marriage is an opportunity, not a threat. If you feel like you’ve never had a natural friendship with your partner, it can be built. Leverage the positive attributes you have in common as romantic partners. Genuine liking – even if it’s not sexual – is a great foundation.
Since we started seeing our friendship as an opportunity, conflict resolution has become almost effortless. It’s been blissful.
Thing #3 – It’s Not How Long, It’s How Well
When we first discovered our prestige marriage system, people would often ask, “So you think you have all the answers?” I saw this as fear stemming from their own personal trauma. After about 9-10 years of marriage and discovering the secrets of the prestige marriage system, we learned to release our obsession with the past and our anxiety about the future.
The secret is simple: wake up every day determined to make it the best day ever in your marriage. Address issues openly and honestly as they arise, with respect to emotional intelligence. Focus on the quality of your marriage on a moment-to-moment basis. This approach not only builds a quality marriage but also increases the chances of having a long-term, happy relationship.
Thing #2 – In Marriage, You Need Game
There’s a common saying that goes, “There’s nothing worse than marrying the wrong person.” While it’s natural for people in terrible relationships to feel this way, it often comes down to a lack of knowledge and skills. This speaks to a level of arrogance and disrespect towards marriage as an institution.
Think about it – we don’t treat any other institution this way. We don’t jump into a job or a degree program without preparation and then blame fate when it doesn’t work out. Yet, many people do this with marriage. They wing it, and when it fails, they say things like “I married the wrong person.”
In reality, it’s often a lack of “game” – or skills – that’s the problem. There are principles that apply across the board in marriage, and it’s crucial to learn and apply them. Your “game” should focus on self-awareness, power dynamics, social skills, attraction, and emotional intelligence. Effective communication isn’t just about talking assertively; it’s about understanding and being understood.
When you approach marriage with intentionality and a willingness to acquire skills, you set yourself up for success. Throwing your hands up and leaving things to luck is a losing strategy.
Thing #1 – Sex is a Necessity
Lastly, let’s talk about sex. Growing up, neither my parents nor Lola’s parents gave us any kind of sex education. We had to figure out what’s healthy and what’s not on our own. On top of that, sex was heavily demonized in our religious communities.
While these teachings were meant to promote self-control, they backfired. Sex is a part of reality and human needs; avoiding it is counterproductive. It’s necessary to educate yourself about sex in marriage. Healthy sex life feeds your marriage just as much as a healthy relationship feeds your sex life.
A healthy sex life also impacts other areas of life. It fosters a strong connection at home, which in turn fuels an exciting life outside the marriage. You can almost always tell when someone is sexually fulfilled at home by how they carry themselves professionally.
As part of mastering the “game” inside marriage, one crucial aspect to understand is that you should never lead with sex, even when the primary issue at hand is sexlessness. This might sound counterintuitive, but let’s break it down.
Sex is an intimate and sensitive topic, and when it becomes a point of contention, approaching it directly and aggressively can create additional tension and discomfort. Leading with demands or complaints about sex can make your partner feel pressured, judged, or inadequate. This often leads to defensiveness and further withdrawal, exacerbating the problem instead of solving it.
Instead, focus on building a strong emotional connection and fostering open, non-judgmental communication. Start by addressing the underlying issues that might be affecting your intimacy. Are there unresolved conflicts, stressors, or emotional barriers? Often, a lack of sexual intimacy is a symptom of deeper issues within the relationship.
The 5 Best Advices Ever For Modern Marriages
Start with something as simple as: “What’s wrong babe? You know you can trust me right?”
Prioritize creating a safe and loving environment where your partner feels valued and understood. Show appreciation for them and engage in activities that strengthen your bond outside the bedroom. This could be anything from spending quality time together, engaging in shared hobbies, or simply being more affectionate in everyday interactions.
As you work on strengthening your emotional connection, with attraction sex should be feel almost effortless at that point. Express your desires without placing blame or making demands. For example, you might say, “I miss the closeness we used to have, and I would love for us to find a way to reconnect in that way,” rather than “We never have sex anymore, and it’s a problem.”
This approach helps to build trust and openness, making it easier for your partner to engage in conversations about improving your sex life. When they feel safe and appreciated, they are more likely to be receptive to finding solutions together.
Remember, sex is an important part of marriage, but it thrives on a foundation of emotional intimacy, respect, and understanding. By leading with empathy and focusing on strengthening your overall relationship, you’ll create an environment where a fulfilling and mutually satisfying sex life can naturally flourish.
RECAP…
So there you have it – 5 essential things to know before marriage and why it’s never too late to learn. Conflict is inevitable, but with the right skills, you can handle it. Friendship is non-negotiable, and it’s an opportunity, not a threat. Focus on the quality of your marriage rather than the length. In marriage, you need game – the skills to navigate challenges effectively. And lastly, sex is a necessity for a healthy, fulfilling relationship.
If you are already in a marriage and you are going through any of this issues, it’s not too late. I suggest that you avoid being confrontational and consider using the help of a coach to help you navigate and facilitate your desired outcome. It’s worth it.
If you don’t already have a coach, go to www.prestigemarriageacademy.com to secure one immediately.
Frequently Asked Questions
A woman should know that conflict is inevitable and developing strong conflict resolution skills is essential for a healthy marriage.
The first step before getting married is to build a solid foundation of friendship and emotional connection with your partner.
Before marriage, avoid making assumptions about your compatibility and instead focus on open communication and understanding each other’s needs and expectations.
Before marriage, ask questions about each other’s values, goals, communication styles, conflict resolution approaches, and expectations for intimacy and partnership.
