communication in marriage Archives

You ever been in one of those situations where you walk into a room, and you can immediately tell something’s off?

Click the image below to Watch the Video

Click the image below to Watch the Video

Like… the air is just thick with tension.

You say “Hey, babe,” and all you get back is a grunt. Or worse—absolute silence.

Now, if you’re like me, you probably start running through a mental checklist: “Did I forget the anniversary? Did I leave the toilet seat up? Did I—Oh wait… it’s worse than that.”

And then… BOOM.

Your spouse hits you with the words no one ever wants to hear:

“I don’t think this is working. I think we should separate.”

Listen, if you’ve ever been in this situation or you’re in it right now, I need you to do one thing for me. Breathe. Seriously. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Because this isn’t the end of your marriage—yet. And even if it feels like it, I promise, there’s still a way forward.

I’m Ola, one half of a partnership with my wife, Lola. After 11+ years of friendship and 8+ years of marriage, we almost gave up on each other.

The pain, the distance, the constant fights—it felt like there was no way forward.

But through heartbreak, trial, and relentless effort, we discovered something powerful.

That journey led us to create the Get My Marriage Back system, launch this website in 2018, and co-author the book Get My Marriage Back.

Since then, we’ve helped countless individuals and couples get their marriage back and make it even better.

At press time, we’ve celebrate 17+ years of marriage and 20+ years of friendship.

And today, we’re going to talk about how to save your marriage when your spouse wants out.

And no, before you ask, the answer isn’t to beg, plead, or suddenly become the most romantic version of yourself that ever existed. Trust me, we’ve seen it all, and that’s not how this works.

So, let’s talk about it.

Tip #1 of 5—It’s Not About Whose Fault It Is

I know, I know. The first thing we all want to do when a relationship is falling apart is figure out who’s to blame.

“If she would just listen to me!” “If he would stop ignoring my feelings!” “If they weren’t always on their phone!” Sound familiar?

One of our clients—let’s call him Jason—came to us convinced his wife was the problem. She had become distant, she stopped laughing at his jokes, and worst of all… she stopped complaining about his bad habits. And if you’re married, you know: when they stop complaining, that’s when you should worry.

Jason was stuck in the blame game, and the more he tried to prove his innocence, the worse things got. He’d say, “But I do everything for you!” and she’d respond with, “I never asked you to.” Ouch.

Look, if your spouse wants out, the goal isn’t to prove you’re right. The goal is to understand what’s happening. And that leads me to the next point…

Tip #2 of 5—Accept and Understand It

Here’s the thing—you can’t fix what you refuse to accept. If your spouse says they want out, that’s their reality right now. Telling them they’re wrong or acting like it’s just a phase isn’t going to help.

Think about it like this: If someone is drowning and they’re flailing their arms, you don’t say, “You’re not actually drowning. Just stop panicking.” No! You acknowledge the panic, then you help them in a way that doesn’t make it worse.

When Jason finally accepted that his wife felt disconnected, instead of fighting it, he started to see things differently. He realized she wasn’t just being cold—she was hurting. And when you recognize that your spouse is hurting, you stop trying to “win” the argument and start focusing on the real problem.

By the way, if this is hitting home for you, go ahead and hit that like button. And while you’re at it, subscribe, follow, and turn on notifications because we’ve got more coming that’ll help you get your marriage back on track.

Alright, let’s keep going.

Tip #3 of 5—Be Accountable

(And No, Accountability Is Not the Same as Fault)

Jason had to learn this the hard way. See, he thought being accountable meant admitting everything was his fault. But that’s not what we’re talking about.

Accountability means asking, “What’s my role in this?” without turning it into self-blame or self-pity. It’s about seeing where you can improve—not so you can take all the blame, but so you can take control of what you can change.

Jason realized he had stopped being emotionally present years ago. His wife didn’t wake up one day and say, “I’m done.” It was a slow fade. And when he finally took accountability for his own emotional unavailability, that’s when things started to shift.

Tip #4 of 5—Let Go

I know. This one is tough. But listen—the more you try to control the outcome, the worse things get.

Jason spent months trying to convince his wife to stay. He wrote long text messages. He over-explained every little thing. He even made one of those dramatic “I can’t live without you” speeches in the rain. Okay, maybe not in the rain, but you get the idea.

And guess what? None of it worked.

But the moment he stopped trying to force her to stay… the moment he stopped clinging to control… she noticed.

Because here’s the truth: Desperation pushes people away. Confidence and self-assurance bring them closer.

Which leads us to the last and most important tip…

Tip #5—Engage in Self-Development

If you take nothing else from this video, take this: The best way to save your marriage is to become the best version of yourself—not for your spouse, but for you.

Jason stopped focusing on “fixing” his wife and started working on himself. He rediscovered hobbies. He started learning about emotional intelligence. He even started listening instead of just waiting for his turn to talk.

And you know what happened?

His wife started noticing.

Because when you work on yourself, the energy shifts. Your confidence grows. You stop being the person who’s begging for love and start being the person who naturally attracts it.

And here’s the crazy part—Jason’s wife eventually started engaging in conversations again. Not because he convinced her to, but because she felt the difference.

So if your spouse wants out, the best thing you can do isn’t to chase them—it’s to work on you.

And if you need help with that, consider working with us for personal coaching.

Just go to Click Here or Go to ww.GetMyMarriageBack.com

Alright, now before we go, don’t forget to hit like, subscribe, and turn on notifications so you don’t miss the next video.

And here’s a question for you: Do you think love alone is enough to save a marriage, or is something else more important? Drop your thoughts in the comments, and let’s talk about it.

I’ll be right back with part 2 of the “Saving a Marriage in Crisis” series; 7 Signs Your Marriage Can Still Be Saved.

Marriage is a journey, and communication is the compass that guides us through its twists and turns. While traditional wisdom often emphasizes two-way communication as the cornerstone of a healthy marriage, we’re here to explore a different approach—one rooted in power, leverage, self-awareness, social finesse, attraction, seduction, and emotional intelligence.

1. Active Listening

The first secret to successful communication in marriage is active listening. This skill goes far beyond the surface level of hearing words; it delves deep into understanding your partner’s thoughts, feelings, and desires.

When you genuinely listen to your partner, you not only make them feel heard but also create a deeper connection. Imagine it as a bridge between your hearts, one that allows both of you to traverse the emotional landscape of your relationship with ease.

When your wife feels heard, it’s as if you’ve unlocked a hidden dimension of your connection. It’s not just about hearing her words; it’s about comprehending the unspoken nuances—the subtle shifts in her tone, the unsaid worries, and the unexpressed desires. In this sense, you can truly penetrate her world, establishing a level of intimacy that transcends the physical.

Similarly, when your husband feels heard, it’s akin to a pledge of devotion. He recognizes that you value his thoughts and respect his perspective. As a result, he’s more inclined to wholeheartedly commit himself to your happiness, striving to fulfill your needs and desires in every possible way.

Active listening is the cornerstone of a thriving marriage. It’s the secret weapon that not only helps you understand your partner better but also draws you closer, creating a magnetic bond that withstands the tests of time and trials of life.

2. Understanding Power Dynamics

In any marriage, understanding the intricate web of power dynamics is crucial. It’s not about striving for a rigid sense of equality, but rather achieving a balanced and equitable partnership that thrives on the nuances of your unique emotional and relational contexts.

So, what’s the difference between equity and equality? Equity, unlike equality, pays attention to the context and emotional frame of reference within the relationship. It acknowledges that each partner may have different strengths, weaknesses, and emotional needs at various times. This recognition allows for a more fluid and dynamic distribution of power.

Equality, on the other hand, often hinges on a fixed, one-size-fits-all approach. It can inadvertently create a subtle sense of competition between husband and wife, where each strives to maintain an exact equilibrium in responsibilities and privileges. This rigid perspective can lead to unnecessary tensions and misunderstandings.

Understanding power dynamics isn’t about establishing dominance; it’s about navigating your relationship with empathy and sensitivity. When you grasp the concept of power, you’ll begin to recognize and transform any elements that resemble competition between you and your partner.

Many traditional communication principles inadvertently position spouses as competitors, fostering an atmosphere where one must “win” a discussion or argument. Instead, focusing on equitable power dynamics means working together as a team. It’s about acknowledging that each partner brings unique strengths and perspectives to the relationship, and by combining these strengths, you can create a stronger, more harmonious partnership. In doing so, you’ll move away from the idea of competing against each other and toward the goal of collaborating to build a thriving marriage.

3. Understanding Your Leverage

Communication isn’t just about talking. Sometimes, silence can be a powerful tool, allowing your partner the space they need to express themselves fully.

4. Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligence. By understanding your own emotions, you can better navigate difficult conversations with your spouse.

5. Social Intelligence

Your capacity to engage with others extends its influence into your marriage as well. Building and nurturing your social intelligence can be a game-changer when it comes to establishing trust and deeper connections within your relationship.

In everyday life, it’s not uncommon for individuals to experience moments of social awkwardness, particularly when effective communication is of the essence. These moments can arise during crucial discussions with your spouse. However, by honing your social intelligence, you can learn to navigate these situations with grace and confidence.

Social intelligence isn’t about being the life of the party or a master of small talk. Instead, it’s about recognizing and understanding the emotions, needs, and perspectives of those around you. When you develop this skill, it enhances your ability to connect with your partner on a deeper level.

In those pivotal moments when effective communication is most needed, your refined social intelligence will help you maintain composure, show empathy, and respond thoughtfully. Ultimately, this will foster an environment of trust, openness, and understanding within your marriage, even during the most challenging conversations.

6. Emotional Vulnerability

Emotional vulnerability is a potent tool in deepening your connection with your spouse. It involves being willing to share your innermost thoughts and feelings, even if they make you feel exposed or uncomfortable. When you allow yourself to be emotionally vulnerable, you invite your partner into your world on a profound level, fostering trust and intimacy.

But be sure to read the room before sharing your fears, dreams, and insecurities with your spouse, and encourage them to share as much as they need to; make them comfortable doing that. This level of wisdom creates a safe space for both of you, building a strong emotional bond that can withstand the trials of marriage.

7. Nonverbal Communication

Nonverbal communication plays a significant role in seduction within a marriage. Your body language, eye contact, and physical touch can convey desire, passion, and love without the need for words. Learn to use these nonverbal cues to send clear messages of attraction and affection to your partner.

Subtle touches, lingering glances, and affectionate gestures can create a seductive atmosphere that keeps the romance alive in your marriage. Pay attention to your partner’s nonverbal cues as well, as they can reveal their desires and feelings even when they don’t verbalize them.

8. Timing and Patience

Effective communication in a seductive marriage requires a keen sense of timing and patience. Sometimes, the most seductive moments are the ones that are allowed to simmer and build gradually. Rather than rushing into things, take the time to savor the anticipation and desire that naturally arise when you allow moments to unfold at their own pace.

Patience can be a powerful tool in seduction. It allows you to build tension and excitement, creating an atmosphere of longing and desire. Whether it’s planning a special date night or waiting for the perfect moment to express your feelings, patience can amplify the seductive energy in your marriage.

9. Playfulness and Flirtation

Marriage doesn’t have to be serious all the time. Playfulness and flirtation can inject a sense of fun and excitement into your relationship. Tease and flirt with your spouse as you would when you were first dating. Use humor and light-hearted banter to create a playful atmosphere that ignites desire and keeps the spark alive.

Flirtation is a way to remind your partner that you still find them irresistibly attractive. It’s about maintaining a sense of novelty and adventure in your marriage, even as you navigate the routines of daily life.

10. Adaptability & Embracing Change

Change is inevitable in any long-term relationship. To maintain effective communication in a seductive marriage, you as a partner must be adaptable and willing to grow with your partner. Embrace the changes as you both evolve over time.

As you adapt to this inevitable reality, make an effort to rediscover and rekindle your desires. What attracted you to your partner in the beginning may evolve, but there are always new aspects to explore and appreciate. Embrace change as an opportunity to deepen your connection and discover new sources of seduction within your evolving relationship.

11. Mutual Fulfillment

Ultimately, effective communication in a marriage is about being aware of your partner’s desires and working to help them feel fulfilled. Make an effort to understand what truly excites and satisfies your partner, both emotionally and physically. Then, commit to helping in fulfilling those desires as an ongoing act of love and seduction.

You will then create a reciprocal cycle of desire and satisfaction that keeps the spark alive in your marriage. This mutual fulfillment ensures that both partners feel cherished, desired, and deeply connected to each other eventually.

Incorporating these 11 secrets into your approach to communication in marriage will help you build and maintain a connection that keeps the flame of passion and desire burning brightly throughout your journey together.

In conclusion, communication in marriage is an art, not an exact science. By embracing active listening, power balance, self-awareness, social intelligence, attraction, seduction, and emotional intelligence, you can build a connection that fosters seamless communication in your marriage that stands the test of time.

Frequently Asked Questions

What are the 4 types of communication in marriage?

The four types of communication in marriage are verbal communication, nonverbal communication, written communication, and listening.

What are the 5 C’s of communication in marriage?

The five C’s of communication in marriage are clarity, consistency, consideration, compassion, and compromise.

What makes good communication in marriage?

Good communication in marriage involves open and honest dialogue, active listening, empathy, respect, and a willingness to work together to resolve issues.

What is lack of communication in marriage?

Lack of communication in marriage refers to a breakdown in the exchange of thoughts, feelings, and information between spouses, often resulting in misunderstandings, emotional distance, and unresolved conflicts.

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